Huh...
Okay, so, I'm a junkie of T.V. I love all kinds of shows. I love the USA network--especially since they started showing daily episodes of House...Anyway, I'm also a huuuuuge fan of the TLC/Discover/Animal Planet networks. On TLC there's this show "17 Kids and Counting". In this show, this family with 17 kids (and one on the way) the kids have all decided that they're not going to date. Instead they'll participate in what they call courtship. They'll talk with the other person a bit, get to know them a bit, pray a lot, talk about it with their parents and if the person is "the one" they'll propose and then do the 'dating' thing after their engaged--with a chaperone since they want to save even their first kiss for the wedding day.
I was rather...stunned. I mean, this family is a rather normal family, the dad was in politics for a while, even the favorite cousin is what you'd consider "normal"--she dates and such. But I kinda just passed it off as their family, or a small movement. And then there was another special on TLC called "Purity Balls". It's all about girls who pledge to save themselves for marriage--which to me isn't all that odd since I live in an area where the prevalent religion has that as a major goal/belief. Appearantly this is quite widespread. In this special, there's a story of a girl who pledged...then, like a normal ninteen year old teen (which is when she started dating her first boyfriend), got carried away with a boy (who was also a part of the Purity movement)...Since the only real sex-ed option she'd been told and taught was abstinence...she got pregnant...Her parents no longer trust her, even though she's now in her twenties, they think she can't make her own decisions, doesn't know her own mind, and won't even get to know her boyfriend (who she lives with).
I mean, compared to many, many people, even many of my own dear, dear friends the way I've been raised (in the LDS church) is very conservative and strange, but I was never taught that it was evil or wrong to date, even to share a chaste kiss or two once you know a person very well. Of course, I was taught that intimate relations should be saved for marriage, but I've never been afraid that if I did end up having sex before I was married that my parents would do anything less than love me. I guess to see this special...it really stuns me. I guess the thing that makes me most sad and distressed is the impression that I get that some of these families might, very possibly, shun or otherwise turn away from these girls if they break their pledges.
It is admirable that these families want to teach their daughters self-worth, that the fathers want to be good examples the girls can then use as a measure for potential husbands (is this man as trustworthy/kind/intelligent/etc as my father?) but to say it is wrong to date because it "gives pieces of your heart away"...In my thought process, love is infinite. You can always create more love and though I've never had a real boyfriend, I do know the hurt of having people "dump" me. I'm sure it hurts very much, but to say it permanently scars you *every single time*...That isn't to say there aren't relationships that do leave permanent marks, all relationships do leave some kind of mark on us, even the non-romantic ones. If you're giving away pieces of your heart when you open up to a boyfriend/girlfriend...what are you doing when you let a platonic friend in that deeply? What happens then if you drift apart/move/lose contact/etc? I've had several non-romantic friends that I consider as close as family. They know me just as well as family...and I've had deep rifts ripped between us by many different things, sometimes they've healed and we've reconnected, sometimes we haven't...but I know for each of those relationships...I've given away a piece of my heart and they've influenced me, changed who I am.
I just feel that dating gives you good life experiences. *shrugs* Thoughts?
I was rather...stunned. I mean, this family is a rather normal family, the dad was in politics for a while, even the favorite cousin is what you'd consider "normal"--she dates and such. But I kinda just passed it off as their family, or a small movement. And then there was another special on TLC called "Purity Balls". It's all about girls who pledge to save themselves for marriage--which to me isn't all that odd since I live in an area where the prevalent religion has that as a major goal/belief. Appearantly this is quite widespread. In this special, there's a story of a girl who pledged...then, like a normal ninteen year old teen (which is when she started dating her first boyfriend), got carried away with a boy (who was also a part of the Purity movement)...Since the only real sex-ed option she'd been told and taught was abstinence...she got pregnant...Her parents no longer trust her, even though she's now in her twenties, they think she can't make her own decisions, doesn't know her own mind, and won't even get to know her boyfriend (who she lives with).
I mean, compared to many, many people, even many of my own dear, dear friends the way I've been raised (in the LDS church) is very conservative and strange, but I was never taught that it was evil or wrong to date, even to share a chaste kiss or two once you know a person very well. Of course, I was taught that intimate relations should be saved for marriage, but I've never been afraid that if I did end up having sex before I was married that my parents would do anything less than love me. I guess to see this special...it really stuns me. I guess the thing that makes me most sad and distressed is the impression that I get that some of these families might, very possibly, shun or otherwise turn away from these girls if they break their pledges.
It is admirable that these families want to teach their daughters self-worth, that the fathers want to be good examples the girls can then use as a measure for potential husbands (is this man as trustworthy/kind/intelligent/etc as my father?) but to say it is wrong to date because it "gives pieces of your heart away"...In my thought process, love is infinite. You can always create more love and though I've never had a real boyfriend, I do know the hurt of having people "dump" me. I'm sure it hurts very much, but to say it permanently scars you *every single time*...That isn't to say there aren't relationships that do leave permanent marks, all relationships do leave some kind of mark on us, even the non-romantic ones. If you're giving away pieces of your heart when you open up to a boyfriend/girlfriend...what are you doing when you let a platonic friend in that deeply? What happens then if you drift apart/move/lose contact/etc? I've had several non-romantic friends that I consider as close as family. They know me just as well as family...and I've had deep rifts ripped between us by many different things, sometimes they've healed and we've reconnected, sometimes we haven't...but I know for each of those relationships...I've given away a piece of my heart and they've influenced me, changed who I am.
I just feel that dating gives you good life experiences. *shrugs* Thoughts?