(no subject)
Ok i am REALLY over not doing anything. it would be slightly different if i wasn't half crippled. cos at least i'd be able to drive and go out and do things. but i have to rely on family members to drive me places, and im just so SICK of this. i have only another FIVE WEEKS of it left. *sigh*. i swear, the prospect of sitting around on my ass for 5 weeks is really depressing. it feels like the world has just kept on turning, and forgotten me. i know there's many people out there who love me and care about me, but that doesnt stop me from feeling lonely.
im so sad, i havent seen my boy since the day i left hospital, which was 2 weeks ago yesterday. but he is coming up to see me on friday :)
im healing up really well. i can now get in and out of a car by myself. i can do stairs by myself. i can dress myself (yay), so its going really well. the pain is getting less with every day. im still pretty useless though. i cant wear high heels for 4 months. cant dance for 6 months. cant drive for 3 months. and various other activities which i cant remember.
what else is new. nothing i guess. i stayed up late watching movies *shudder* i watched a hilary duff movie. oh my god, i wanted to drink poison before it even started. that girl cant act or sing. but hey, at least she's getting somewhere in life. good on her.
i just need to sort my head out i think. i was up until past 2 am, just talking with my friend hannah who stayed over, we just lay there talking about everything, religion, relationships, the past year, and all the crap thats happened to me. but yeah, she helped me get some clarity.
i guess i just have to think positively.it doesnt matter what i wear, who i hang around, what i say, as long as i know who i am in my heart and stay true to myself. i just want to be a good person. i have this desire in my soul to be an awesome person and i dont want to just exist in this world. i want to live for god. i want to have inner peace. i want to know that i can give all of my troubles over to him, and know that he will be there for me.
theres a song called 'lifeline' by brooke fraser, she is a singer from new zealand. and the words to it, they mirror how i have been feeling recently, especially about my whole situation with the surgery and my struggle to find out who i am and how i have been feeling for the past year of my life.
"Lifeline"
I have this sinking feeling
Something's weighing me down
I am completely saturated
The waves are crashing closer
My feet already drowned
Doing the thing I said I hated
They've been swimming in the wrong water
Now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cos I know that you'll lift me out
Have your way here
Keep me afloat 'cos I know I'll sink without you
Take this ocean of pain that is mine
Throw me a lifeline
Wake up feeling convicted
I know something's not right
Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet
I have to get this out
'Cos it's obstructing you and I
Dry up the seas that keep us parted
'Cos they've been swimming in the wrong waters
And now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cos I know that you are gonna pull me out
im so sad, i havent seen my boy since the day i left hospital, which was 2 weeks ago yesterday. but he is coming up to see me on friday :)
im healing up really well. i can now get in and out of a car by myself. i can do stairs by myself. i can dress myself (yay), so its going really well. the pain is getting less with every day. im still pretty useless though. i cant wear high heels for 4 months. cant dance for 6 months. cant drive for 3 months. and various other activities which i cant remember.
what else is new. nothing i guess. i stayed up late watching movies *shudder* i watched a hilary duff movie. oh my god, i wanted to drink poison before it even started. that girl cant act or sing. but hey, at least she's getting somewhere in life. good on her.
i just need to sort my head out i think. i was up until past 2 am, just talking with my friend hannah who stayed over, we just lay there talking about everything, religion, relationships, the past year, and all the crap thats happened to me. but yeah, she helped me get some clarity.
i guess i just have to think positively.it doesnt matter what i wear, who i hang around, what i say, as long as i know who i am in my heart and stay true to myself. i just want to be a good person. i have this desire in my soul to be an awesome person and i dont want to just exist in this world. i want to live for god. i want to have inner peace. i want to know that i can give all of my troubles over to him, and know that he will be there for me.
theres a song called 'lifeline' by brooke fraser, she is a singer from new zealand. and the words to it, they mirror how i have been feeling recently, especially about my whole situation with the surgery and my struggle to find out who i am and how i have been feeling for the past year of my life.
"Lifeline"
I have this sinking feeling
Something's weighing me down
I am completely saturated
The waves are crashing closer
My feet already drowned
Doing the thing I said I hated
They've been swimming in the wrong water
Now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cos I know that you'll lift me out
Have your way here
Keep me afloat 'cos I know I'll sink without you
Take this ocean of pain that is mine
Throw me a lifeline
Wake up feeling convicted
I know something's not right
Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet
I have to get this out
'Cos it's obstructing you and I
Dry up the seas that keep us parted
'Cos they've been swimming in the wrong waters
And now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cos I know that you are gonna pull me out