Cant sleep (please exuse my spelling and grammar)
I cent seem to sleep, I dont feel tired. One day just seems to blend in with the next. this probably isnt healthy. What can I do? what should i be doing? I really ate my existance ere sometimes. I dont fit in, I dont like it here, I dont belong here. And I really dont like the way things work here. I hate capitalism, I hate coruption, I hate sickness and perversion. No nothing in specific has triggered this, its a slow realization. Its everything from the adds on TV to the fact that I've lost count of how many people I personaly know who have been sexualy abused or raped. I feel sick, sick and tired. I could cry but I dont know what for anymore. I dont have enough tears for all the injustices so why bother for one? People condem cigarettes with one breath and try and sell me a cell phone in the next. I saw newscasters subtly endorcing products and sugesting stores the other day. It made me want to vomit. Abbie says they weren't supporting the store they just did a bad job of scoureing it or something like that, But look at this, the story was about how kids want thier parents to buy thhem cool gadgets for going back to school, so they showed a bunch of thies gadgets, cell phones, lap tops, palm tops, cameras ect, they talked to a couple kids about what they wanted and qouted some prices and allthough they blurred the actual name of the store on the fliers when they zoomed in to show you all the prices, it took Abbie and I no time to realize it was Best Buy and as Abbie pointed out they had to state later what stores they shot and reasarched and lo and behold, only best buy. No where in this story did they cover what student's might actualy need in school and what would be frivilus, nor did they recomend shopping around and comparing prices, they did not talk about setting limits for your chilren, what was apropreate or that your kid would probably get beaten up and have thier wonderfull new laptop, personal organizer or cellphone stolen. Oh did I mention cellphones and pagers are BANNED in highschool so what dose that have to do with going back to school? Allso this is the same station who's news anchor or something lost a bunch of whieght on the bernstien diet (or soemthing like that) a diet that involves taking vitamin B pills, lo and behold what products did I see advertized durring the comercial break? Not only the bernstien diet itself but vitam B supliments allso. Lovely. *laughs* oh did I mention that the weatherman uses a stage name too?
Yeah and thats just one of the more amusing little things that shouldn't happen. One ofthe less amusing things is being 6 years old and dealing with the guilt and frustraition when you can't describe to the police what the man who forced himself on your friend in the bacement of your apartment building looked like when you were the only witness.
*sighs and takes a long pause* I was going to go into more detailb and try and explain my feelings over this but I cant put them down in writing.
Theres a lot I feel that I can't describe with words, or images for that matter.
and theres a lot I want to say sometimes but I cant for fear of people thinking im crazy. Or not understanding me. Ot just generaly being ostrasized more.
Yeah and thats just one of the more amusing little things that shouldn't happen. One ofthe less amusing things is being 6 years old and dealing with the guilt and frustraition when you can't describe to the police what the man who forced himself on your friend in the bacement of your apartment building looked like when you were the only witness.
*sighs and takes a long pause* I was going to go into more detailb and try and explain my feelings over this but I cant put them down in writing.
Theres a lot I feel that I can't describe with words, or images for that matter.
and theres a lot I want to say sometimes but I cant for fear of people thinking im crazy. Or not understanding me. Ot just generaly being ostrasized more.