Lonely
I feel so lonely all the time.. I am home all day alone and all night, and when Sam is awake/here then he "just woke up" and is always so distant now. What changes things in relationships exactly?? I still want to spend time with him as much as I always have from the beginning... He actually stood in the middle of the living room for 15 minutes and stared out the window while I was sitting on the couch. We watched a movie and he sat in the computer chair while I was watching it on the couch. When we first got together and for quite a while after that he would always sit next to me or hug me when he walks by or show some kind of affection without me initiating it. He shows affection..well I should say RETURNS my affection but 99% of the time it is me hugging him etc... I may just be a moody female..(definitely an option) but it seems like he isn't happy with me anymore, and when I try to talk about it he laughs at me like I'm insane and if I don't talk about it and look sad ... GRRRR he says something smartass like "I'm sorry your life is so miserable..."
Anyway, it is really bothering me because if he did want to leave me it would be difficult for him to do so.... We share a car (that only I drive), a home and I know he cares at least enough for me to not leave me in a fucked up situation...So I get scared that he's just with me because it is convenient and he doesn't have many options otherwise.. and also for the fact that he is a good person and wouldn't do anything to hurt me...
I don't know...I guess it's just me and I know this doesn't make much sense to mostly anyone who reads it. I have been hurt sooo much in the past. When I love someone I TRULY love them..I give them my all..everything.. I completely trust them . . even though I've been hurt. My last relationship was going fine..absolutely NO problems at all.. I was the happiest I had been in that time of my life, then he decided we should break up . . It hit me like the fuckin sky falling out of nowhere.. I think that's why I'm so paranoid now..
And what's worse is that Sam, if I'm wrong about him not being happy with me (which I probably am wrong) is having to deal with bullshit that has nothing to do with him, but rather me dealing with pain and fear from someone I loved in the past that hurt me. This really isn't fair to him..
ARGH I'll get over all this...Not having a car and being stuck at home for a significant period of time and being alone 21 out of 24 hours everyday makes me start overthinking every freakin thing...
I hate when I get like this...and If anyone made it this far reading this post..Thanks :) LOL and sorry...
Anyway, it is really bothering me because if he did want to leave me it would be difficult for him to do so.... We share a car (that only I drive), a home and I know he cares at least enough for me to not leave me in a fucked up situation...So I get scared that he's just with me because it is convenient and he doesn't have many options otherwise.. and also for the fact that he is a good person and wouldn't do anything to hurt me...
I don't know...I guess it's just me and I know this doesn't make much sense to mostly anyone who reads it. I have been hurt sooo much in the past. When I love someone I TRULY love them..I give them my all..everything.. I completely trust them . . even though I've been hurt. My last relationship was going fine..absolutely NO problems at all.. I was the happiest I had been in that time of my life, then he decided we should break up . . It hit me like the fuckin sky falling out of nowhere.. I think that's why I'm so paranoid now..
And what's worse is that Sam, if I'm wrong about him not being happy with me (which I probably am wrong) is having to deal with bullshit that has nothing to do with him, but rather me dealing with pain and fear from someone I loved in the past that hurt me. This really isn't fair to him..
ARGH I'll get over all this...Not having a car and being stuck at home for a significant period of time and being alone 21 out of 24 hours everyday makes me start overthinking every freakin thing...
I hate when I get like this...and If anyone made it this far reading this post..Thanks :) LOL and sorry...