(no subject)
Fuck, fuck! Tonight I really miss breastfeeding Leith. Now my heart is hurting because it's something I wanted to do for him so much, it was so important to me. I wanted him to have the best start I could possibly give him. I guess, apart from that, I have. But I wonder if I had just endured for a month or so more, if things would have gotten better. Would he be successfully breastfeeding by now? His chin has grown forward now. He still has problems sucking from his bottle though, but he does get most of it in.
But how I miss holding him to my breast and having him feed from me...
It occured to me the other day that you don't know what love really is until you hold your child for the first time. I mean, it's a sort of love I've never experienced before. I never expected a feeling like this could exist. I remember how it threw me when he was in my arms for the first time after delivering him, and all I could say was how perfect he is.
I guess I'm just getting soppy because he's a bit sick.
All I can ever smell is his shit, though.
But how I miss holding him to my breast and having him feed from me...
It occured to me the other day that you don't know what love really is until you hold your child for the first time. I mean, it's a sort of love I've never experienced before. I never expected a feeling like this could exist. I remember how it threw me when he was in my arms for the first time after delivering him, and all I could say was how perfect he is.
I guess I'm just getting soppy because he's a bit sick.
All I can ever smell is his shit, though.