(no subject)
thanks everyone who replied to my last post, or sent me a message. i still can't really get my head around it, mainly because of her age, but also because i've not seen any of the family since my dad rang me and told me.
i've known people who have done this before, so i know the pain and confusion felt by those left behind, and how it's different from a natural or accidental death. i can't imagine what her parents are feeling, they must be utterly baffled and so devastated, it's the last thing you expect from someone that age. especially when she seemed so "normal" and, well, just like someone her age should be. what i keep thinking about is what if it was an accident, or she was just trying to see what would happen or something, and not realising how final it is... but we'll never know i guess. it's just all so horrible.
another thing is... it's never an act i've viewed as utterly selfish, i know many people who just can't comprehend it at all and think it's the most selfish thing anyone can do - but because of my experiences it's always something i've understood all too well, because i know that kind of pain, pain that can make you feel like it's the only option.
BUT after this happening to my family i'm much closer to seeing and feeling the pain of those left behind, the ones closest to the person, and i can really say i don't think i would ever do that now or think of it as an option. up until this happened i still sometimes had thoughts of it, like my safety blanket if i really needed it. but not now. and i hate that it's taken this to make me realise. poor little girl, i just keep wanting to go and hug her and drag her back, and tell her that nobody needs to do that.
the funeral is on tuesday, it's going to be horrific. i'm dreading it. third one of the year, blah.
i've known people who have done this before, so i know the pain and confusion felt by those left behind, and how it's different from a natural or accidental death. i can't imagine what her parents are feeling, they must be utterly baffled and so devastated, it's the last thing you expect from someone that age. especially when she seemed so "normal" and, well, just like someone her age should be. what i keep thinking about is what if it was an accident, or she was just trying to see what would happen or something, and not realising how final it is... but we'll never know i guess. it's just all so horrible.
another thing is... it's never an act i've viewed as utterly selfish, i know many people who just can't comprehend it at all and think it's the most selfish thing anyone can do - but because of my experiences it's always something i've understood all too well, because i know that kind of pain, pain that can make you feel like it's the only option.
BUT after this happening to my family i'm much closer to seeing and feeling the pain of those left behind, the ones closest to the person, and i can really say i don't think i would ever do that now or think of it as an option. up until this happened i still sometimes had thoughts of it, like my safety blanket if i really needed it. but not now. and i hate that it's taken this to make me realise. poor little girl, i just keep wanting to go and hug her and drag her back, and tell her that nobody needs to do that.
the funeral is on tuesday, it's going to be horrific. i'm dreading it. third one of the year, blah.