...a few thoughts on life without running...
Soooo the thanksgiving break threw me off a little bit in terms of workouts. My leg was still busted so I figured I'd rest it a bit. I did a few pool runs and such but nothing spectacular.
Annnnnd then I came to school..and last night I was honestly sort of an absolute mess who made no sense. I basically approached Cory and asked for him back. I asked him to 'pick me, choose me, love me'. That was kind of stupid, because I know he's the worst thing in the world for me. The decision itself made no sense, and EVERY part of me knew and understood that.
And I really do think, and honestly know, that if I would've been running all weekend, and if I would've run yesterday- that wouldn't have happened. It sounds so dumb, but in some ways, running keeps my head straight, it's kept my head on my shoulders and stopped me from being girly and irrational with my feelings.
I don't understand though, why that is. I don't understand what it is about coming in from a run that makes me feel like I can conquer anything and partially get over everything...it's an amazing phenomenon...Some say endorphins, but the runner's high can't possibly last 24 hours a day.
And I don't understand what it is that I run from. I don't get it. I've lost sight of everything, I've absolutely totally hit bottom today and I really do feel like I lost myself in this running thing. What the heck is it that catches up with me when i don't run? What am i running from? How is this going to help me get over it? Why can't I run far enough from it? Why does it all follow me? What the hell do i have to do to just get over all of this?
...Going to go out running today...
Annnnnd then I came to school..and last night I was honestly sort of an absolute mess who made no sense. I basically approached Cory and asked for him back. I asked him to 'pick me, choose me, love me'. That was kind of stupid, because I know he's the worst thing in the world for me. The decision itself made no sense, and EVERY part of me knew and understood that.
And I really do think, and honestly know, that if I would've been running all weekend, and if I would've run yesterday- that wouldn't have happened. It sounds so dumb, but in some ways, running keeps my head straight, it's kept my head on my shoulders and stopped me from being girly and irrational with my feelings.
I don't understand though, why that is. I don't understand what it is about coming in from a run that makes me feel like I can conquer anything and partially get over everything...it's an amazing phenomenon...Some say endorphins, but the runner's high can't possibly last 24 hours a day.
And I don't understand what it is that I run from. I don't get it. I've lost sight of everything, I've absolutely totally hit bottom today and I really do feel like I lost myself in this running thing. What the heck is it that catches up with me when i don't run? What am i running from? How is this going to help me get over it? Why can't I run far enough from it? Why does it all follow me? What the hell do i have to do to just get over all of this?
...Going to go out running today...