(no subject)

[snow_x_white]

wow
I haven't written here in a while
but
I'm bored

My uncle died last monday
I felt like I died too
I still feel like I'm very different
I've spoken about him to certain friens before
we were very close
and he wasn't even sick

I was so upset
I didn't cry at first
when I heard I just kind of fell onto the floor
it was the morning, before school
and my dad said he couldn't take me to school
(on the phone)
my mom answered, I think he though I hung up
and he said "I can't take her because... Isaac died"
I sat there for about 10 minutes and then decided to go to school
and then I missed school for the rest of the week

I don't believe in depression
but I guess I felt like I was depressed
I couldn't even talk without getting exhausted and stopping

(this reminds me of the old me which scared me)
i'm better now
but different

I feel almost disgusted with myself lately
I miss certain people
I guess I'd just forgotten about them
but like ok seriously
I saw Corina today
and I was a bit shocked
I mean it was like
"This may be the last time I see her"
because she's leaving for college
and I might go to options for the rest of the year

I have to get my surgery soon

it feels weird that sometimes
I miss the old self destructive me.

i guess that's the realist I've ever been.

Your Extroversion Profile:Assertiveness: HighExcitement Seeking: HighSociability: HighActivity Level: LowFriendliness: LowCheerfulness: Very Low
How Extroverted Are You?
in other words
I'm surrounded by people
but don't have friends!