It's getting colder in this ditch where I lie
Writing Updates: The Ditch Where I Lie - Loyalty Not Just an Obsession; Fluff Violence: Loveless - Plot_Whole
Uploaded: Encourage, The Ditch Where I Lie - Loyalty Not Just an Obsession; Beyond the Gate
Writing:
I shouldn’t be worried about my writing. Practice makes perfect and I write every day, so I’m getting plenty of that. I just worry that maybe I’m not good enough to make it. That maybe I should look for a stable career and then I end up laughing at myself. Because I’m stubborn and I want to do this. I won’t give up and I don’t know why I worry about this. If I put my mind to it I can do anything and what I can’t do well right away I can work at. I have no problems with working until I’m good at something. I will work as hard as I can, but I still worry.
But I think what I worry about more is being on a site like FoS. I want to write for a living and when I do make it, I can’t really have all my fan fiction and such up can I? I should worry about that bridge when I get to it, but I’m a writer, all I ever do is write. So, crap, I’m at that bridge. I don’t want to stop writing and sharing with FoS and such, however, its unrealistic of me to think that anyone should pay for my stories when they can be read for free.
Love:
I am so in love with someone that just thinking about him gives me butterflies and half the time it makes me want to punch him or just cry and then make him make me feel better. I don’t even know, I can’t tell up form down all I know is that I…….really love him and when I think about him the butterflies come and my chest tightens up. And even years later I am still addicted to his aura. And his eyes, and his smile and just about everything about him.
I know I wouldn’t know how to react if I spoke to him or if he felt the same way or even if he looked in my general direction. I’d probably just melt on the spot and then Cheri would have to call everyone to come and put me back together. But I really think I’m willing to take the chance on him, because there is no one else in the world I have ever felt like this about.
Luck’s never in my favor but this isn’t something that has to do with luck is it? I should just grow up and get over myself and admit that I love him. Because I really do and I think, that would make things so much easier.
I half feel like I should go up to him and say, “I love you and it’s all your fault that some nights I can’t sleep and that I like butterflies!” And he may have no idea what I’m talking about, but at least I’ll have said it.
I’m content to be single, yet even I want someone to tell me they love me and mean it. Even I want someone just for me.
Insecurities:
Sometimes, I feel like no one needs me. Like no one hears me or sees me and that bugs me. I’m not sure why, but some days I feel like a shadow better left to the darkness than I do an actual person or someone who can amount to something. I think everyone feels like this at some point. I just seem to be feeling everything all at once. It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, I don’t scream, there’s no need and I wouldn’t even know how too if I really wanted too.
Sleep:
We watched Supernatural yesterday and in one Episode poor Sam just keeps having dreams Dean dies. Over and over this happens and finally at the end of the episode when he can wake up all he does is hug Dean. And Dean looks utterly bewildered at what is going on. But Sam can only look like he’s about to cry.
And I know how that feels. I’ve been on the Sam end of that too many times and there is really nothing more you can do than just hug the person in question and hope you never have to let them go. Because you’re simply terrified that the moment you do everything will be ripped from right under your feet.
And it’s a ghastly feeling, let me tell you. And I know I’ve gotten my share of weird looks, but it really does offer some help to just hug someone in that instance.
I think Cherri is plotting my death for Fluff Violence: Loveless. XD OMA Kiwi, dear forgive me but I couldn’t pass it up. O_O Who knew Rude liked to bite?....XD; *cough*
Anyways, after much writing I’m feeing much better. YAY. I was feeling a bit lonely/insecure but it’s all fine-ish now. X3
Uploaded: Encourage, The Ditch Where I Lie - Loyalty Not Just an Obsession; Beyond the Gate
Writing:
I shouldn’t be worried about my writing. Practice makes perfect and I write every day, so I’m getting plenty of that. I just worry that maybe I’m not good enough to make it. That maybe I should look for a stable career and then I end up laughing at myself. Because I’m stubborn and I want to do this. I won’t give up and I don’t know why I worry about this. If I put my mind to it I can do anything and what I can’t do well right away I can work at. I have no problems with working until I’m good at something. I will work as hard as I can, but I still worry.
But I think what I worry about more is being on a site like FoS. I want to write for a living and when I do make it, I can’t really have all my fan fiction and such up can I? I should worry about that bridge when I get to it, but I’m a writer, all I ever do is write. So, crap, I’m at that bridge. I don’t want to stop writing and sharing with FoS and such, however, its unrealistic of me to think that anyone should pay for my stories when they can be read for free.
Love:
I am so in love with someone that just thinking about him gives me butterflies and half the time it makes me want to punch him or just cry and then make him make me feel better. I don’t even know, I can’t tell up form down all I know is that I…….really love him and when I think about him the butterflies come and my chest tightens up. And even years later I am still addicted to his aura. And his eyes, and his smile and just about everything about him.
I know I wouldn’t know how to react if I spoke to him or if he felt the same way or even if he looked in my general direction. I’d probably just melt on the spot and then Cheri would have to call everyone to come and put me back together. But I really think I’m willing to take the chance on him, because there is no one else in the world I have ever felt like this about.
Luck’s never in my favor but this isn’t something that has to do with luck is it? I should just grow up and get over myself and admit that I love him. Because I really do and I think, that would make things so much easier.
I half feel like I should go up to him and say, “I love you and it’s all your fault that some nights I can’t sleep and that I like butterflies!” And he may have no idea what I’m talking about, but at least I’ll have said it.
I’m content to be single, yet even I want someone to tell me they love me and mean it. Even I want someone just for me.
Insecurities:
Sometimes, I feel like no one needs me. Like no one hears me or sees me and that bugs me. I’m not sure why, but some days I feel like a shadow better left to the darkness than I do an actual person or someone who can amount to something. I think everyone feels like this at some point. I just seem to be feeling everything all at once. It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, I don’t scream, there’s no need and I wouldn’t even know how too if I really wanted too.
Sleep:
We watched Supernatural yesterday and in one Episode poor Sam just keeps having dreams Dean dies. Over and over this happens and finally at the end of the episode when he can wake up all he does is hug Dean. And Dean looks utterly bewildered at what is going on. But Sam can only look like he’s about to cry.
And I know how that feels. I’ve been on the Sam end of that too many times and there is really nothing more you can do than just hug the person in question and hope you never have to let them go. Because you’re simply terrified that the moment you do everything will be ripped from right under your feet.
And it’s a ghastly feeling, let me tell you. And I know I’ve gotten my share of weird looks, but it really does offer some help to just hug someone in that instance.
I think Cherri is plotting my death for Fluff Violence: Loveless. XD OMA Kiwi, dear forgive me but I couldn’t pass it up. O_O Who knew Rude liked to bite?....XD; *cough*
Anyways, after much writing I’m feeing much better. YAY. I was feeling a bit lonely/insecure but it’s all fine-ish now. X3