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...This is not a test.
Another dream that will never come true Just to complement your sorrow Another life that I've taken from you A gift to add to your pain and suffering Another truth you can never believe Has crippled you completely All the cries you're beginning to hear Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening Let me enlighten you This is the way I pray [Chorus] Living just isn't hard enough Burn me alive inside Living my life's not hard enough Take everything away Another nightmare about to come true Will manifest tomorrow Another love that I've taken from you Lost in time, on the edge of suffering Another taste of the evil I breed Will level you completely Bring to life everything that you fear Live in the dark, and the world is threatening Let me enlighten you This is the way I pray (Chorus) Return to me Return to me Return to me Turn to me Leave me no one Turn to me Return to me Return to me Turn to me Cast aside Return to me Return to me Return to me Turn to me Leave me no one Turn to me Return to me Return to me You've made me turn away (Chorus)
Hey all you twisted mo-fo's out there... You're listening to 66.6FM and I'm the host Gaz D* Yes sir-ee...
That was Prayer by Disturbed (like you didn't know) and I've just hit bottom...
Well lets start with the fact that my house mate bl33ding sky has jetted off to the land of the maple leaf and left me to my own devices.
3 weeks? What the hell can I do for fun without him to annoy? Kidding... it's more to the point I'm having trouble sleeping again and *yawns* ...my night mares have come back. And without my bro to keep watch on me I don't feel safe falling asleep. I know that's just a foolish thing to deprive myself of sleep but I can't face the re-occuring visions! *scratches head* Hmph! And thats just for starters... My sleep deprivations affecting my work, so I'm walking a really thin line. Sometimes its looks like I will lose my job over the next minor fuck up.
I mean last night I let loose all my pent up aggressions on the new girl... Maybe I should've stood up to the people who constantly rip into me sooner, and when she started on me, letting her know where she stood could've been said a little more tactfully.
Instead I let go of all restraignt and let the first thought in my head go off like a shotgun, and she just happened to have her mouth over the barrel... worst off, my boss was sitting next to her. Ahhhrgh!
I really have become a loose cannon! And being that much of a liability they probbly won't think twice about letting me go!
Speaking of loose cannons, I'm gonna play a song by Eminem called Sing for the Moment, to me this is a song about growing up in a bad home, with a psycho stepdad... name no names... "dad"!
Holla if ya hear it!!!!
These ideas are nightmares to white parents Whose worst fear is a child with dyed hair and who likes earrings Like whatever they say has no bearing, it's so scary in a house that allows no swearing To see him walking around with his headphones blaring Alone in his own zone, cold and he don't care He's a problem child And what bothers him all comes out, when he talks about His fuckin' dad walkin' out Cause he just hates him so bad that he blocks him out If he ever saw him again he'd probably knock him out His thoughts are whacked, he's mad so he's talkin' back Talkin' black, brainwashed from rock and rap He sags his pants, do-rags and a stocking cap His step-father hit him, so he socked him back, and broke his nose His house is a broken home, there's no control, he just let's his emotions go... Chorus
Sing with me, sing for the year Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears Sing with me now, just for today Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away Entertainment is changin', intertwinin' with gangsta's In the land of the killers, a sinner's mind is a sanctum Holy or unholy, only have one homie Only this gun, lonely cause don't anyone know me Yet everybody just feels like they can relate, I guess words are a mothafucka they can be great Or they can degrade, or even worse they can teach hate It's like these kids hang on every single statement we make Like they worship us, plus all the stores ship us platinum Now how the fuck did this metamorphosis happen From standin' on corners and porches just rappin' To havin' a fortune, no more kissin' ass But then these critics crucify you, journalists try to burn you Fans turn on you, attorneys all want a turn at you To get they hands on every dime you have, they want you to lose your mind every time you mad So they can try to make you out to look like a loose cannon Any dispute won't hesitate to produce handguns That's why these prosecutors wanna convict me, strictly just to get me off of these streets quickly But all they kids be listenin' to me religiously, so i'm signin' cd's while police fingerprint me They're for the judge's daughter but his grudge is against me If i'm such a fuckin' menace, this shit doesn't make sense Pete It's all political, if my music is literal, and i'm a criminal how the fuck can I raise a little girl I couldn't, I wouldn't be fit to, you're full of shit too, Guerrera, that was a fist that hit you... [CHORUS] They say music can alter moods and talk to you Well can it load a gun up for you , and cock it too Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude Just tell the judge it was my fault and i'll get sued See what these kids do is hear about us totin' pistols And they want to get one cause they think the shit's cool Not knowin' we really just protectin' ourselves, we entertainers Of course the shit's affectin' our sales, you ignoramus But music is reflection of self, we just explain it, and then we get our checks in the mail It's fucked up ain't it How we can come from practically nothing to being able to have any fuckin' thing that we wanted That's why we sing for these kids, who don't have a thing Except for a dream, and a fuckin' rap magazine Who post pin-up pictures on their walls all day long Idolize they favorite rappers and know all they songs Or for anyone who's ever been through shit in their lives Till they sit and they cry at night wishin' they'd die Till they throw on a rap record and they sit, and they vibe We're nothin' to you but we're the fuckin' shit in they eyes That's why we seize the moment try to freeze it and own it, squeeze it and hold it Cause we consider these minutes golden And maybe they'll admit it when we're gone Just let our spirits live on, through our lyrics that you hear in our songs and we can... [CHORUS X2]
This song tells me that despite the hardships there are others who can relate, thats why I talk personally, 'cos I can... at least now I can, now that I'm free of oppression. And as this is a common matter I like to raise the subject to offer solace to those suffering at present, who suffered in the past.... We can unite to give each other strength... Don't give up the fight, one day you will get your freedom... I'm only in my current state cos I let myself get bad and didn't deal with the inner shit appropriately... now the nightmares haunt me. I gotta tell you, GET THIS OFF YOUR CHESTS... it will only damage you further.
As if that couldn't be bad enough my desktop lamp with the dodgy wire tripped the fuse box and took out power to the entire house and if that didn't suck... it killed my mates computer and I think he was downloading a truckload of stuff while he's away... I hope it aint all gone, or I will probably be martyred for this fuck up. *grabs a handful of hair* Rgghgh!
In other news:
X-tal seems okay this week... she seems happier than normal, so I gather she managed to pay her rent okay. Last week she was worried... now she seems cool, so all's well with her. We hadn't talked for days and I thought that she was mad at me for talking about my feelings for her to a friend of hers... apparently not.
She was however in the vecinity when I near took the new girls head off with a verbal assault, you would've thought that'd make her think bad of me, but when the shit hit the fan, X was still on my side... Wow.
She is the most amazing girl I have ever met... and last night she told me she has an all out obsession with foxes... wierd. I knew that she loved all animals, great and small, but she loves foxes as much as I do? I got stuck with the codename Wolfie at work... but as I am "Snow Fox" I would've preferred to be referred to as a Fox, but Wolf somehow sonds better...
'Tell the truth I've been too depressed to work on my Cy the Fox comic, I've done page 3 but page 4 is gonna be a bitch.
If I can just pick myself up enough to motivate my junk-metal ass to do somethin' I'll get pages 3 & 4 into my gallery but while my mates away I promised I'd work loads to pay him what I still owe, or at least get me on the road to recovery... Its the least I can do if I accicentally killed his downloads!
But if I lose my job, This could get very very messy!
I need an uplifting track to go out on... Hows about Control by Puddle of Mud? Maybe I'll find an angle to get me thru these next three weeks... Ah hell.. who knows?
Holla if... (you should know the catch phrase by now...)
I love the way you look at me I feel the pain you place inside you lock me up inside your dirty cage while I'm alone inside my mind I like to teach you all the rules I get to see them set in stone I like it when you chain me to the bed but then your secrets never show I need to feel you you need to feel me I can't control you you're not the one for me no I can't control you you can't control me I need to feel you so why's there even... I love the way you rake my skin I feel the hate you place inside I need to get your voice out of my head 'cause I'm that guy you'll never find I think you know all of the rules there's no expressions on your face I hope that someday you will let me go Release me from my dirty cage I need to feel you you need to feel me I can't control you you're not the one for me no I can't control you you can't control me I need to feel you so why's there even you and me I love the way you look at me I love the way you smack my ass I love the dirty things you do I have control of you (repeat 4X) I need to feel you you need to feel me I can't control you you're not the one for me no I can't control you you can't control me I need to feel you so why's there even you and me You're not the one for me no You're not the one for me no You're not the one for me no You're not the one for me no
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