How to Shower Like...
K sent me this forward today, which I found very amusing because it is more or less true. Anyone living with me has got to have a spare bathroom, because when I hit the showers I do not come out for another half hour at the very least. Hehe.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in laundry hamper separated according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing a robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit ups, tricep curls, squats, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, body cloth, back loofah, and pumice stone. Wash hair once with special shampoo fortified with 50 vitamins.
Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition hair with voluminous, anti-frizz, extra shine conditioner.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Have to make sure face is thoroughly exfoliated.
Wash entire body with moisturizing, purifying, fragrant body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off the water.
Rinse off all wet surfaces in the shower.
Spray areas susceptible to mold with Tilex.
Get out of the shower.
Dry with extra large fluffy bath towel. Use separate towel for wet hair. Apply lotion to body and use toner, serums, ointments, and creams on face.
Return to bedroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake privates at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of package and scratch behind.
Get in the shower.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Blow nose in hands and flick it off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and then wash hair. Sculpt shampooed hair into a mohawk.
Urinate.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire size of package in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you see wife, pull off towel, shake privates at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in laundry hamper separated according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing a robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at womanly physique in the mirror, make mental note to do more sit ups, tricep curls, squats, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, body cloth, back loofah, and pumice stone. Wash hair once with special shampoo fortified with 50 vitamins.
Wash hair again to make sure it is clean.
Condition hair with voluminous, anti-frizz, extra shine conditioner.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Have to make sure face is thoroughly exfoliated.
Wash entire body with moisturizing, purifying, fragrant body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off the water.
Rinse off all wet surfaces in the shower.
Spray areas susceptible to mold with Tilex.
Get out of the shower.
Dry with extra large fluffy bath towel. Use separate towel for wet hair. Apply lotion to body and use toner, serums, ointments, and creams on face.
Return to bedroom wearing robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake privates at her while making the woo-woo sound.
Look at manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of package and scratch behind.
Get in the shower.
Wash face.
Wash armpits.
Blow nose in hands and flick it off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and then wash hair. Sculpt shampooed hair into a mohawk.
Urinate.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
Admire size of package in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you see wife, pull off towel, shake privates at her and make the woo-woo sound again.
Throw wet towel on her pillow.