(no subject)
I'm sick, I'm tired, I'm not ready for this week.
I have to load in On the Verge tomorrow, I have the circus tech rehearsal on Wednesday, and the AP test on Friday. I'm sick, and I have no energy or motivation. I just want to go to sleep until something good decides to happen.
I hate it when people confuse me, and even more when they make me feel like I'm making a mistake, I just want what's in the past to stay there, I want to move on, I want to be by myself.
This week is probably going to be the hardest and longest of the year, and I'm going into it like this, I can't deal. I can't not be nervous about the test, I can't not care about this play, and I can't not do circus well, or else I'll just end up falling and getting hurt. I really want this year to be over so I can just have a good, fun, free summer. I want to rest.
So, this weekend was just a spike down from Saturday to Sunday. Saturday Cameron and Jennica and I went to Apropos and painted the floor for On the Verge because the people I called couldn't do it, and I don't have the numbers of the other people involved in the show. It was good, though, it got done, I'll get laid down tomorrow, but it was more than 6 hours out of my weekend with painting it yesterday and getting it up and then rolled up today. I wish I didn't have to do everything for a show that I care about myself. It seems that I'm one of the only people holding theater up right now, and I can't do it for much longer at all. People need to stay more committed than they are and make sacrifices more often, because they signed up for that responsibility at the beginning of the year, and now they're doing other things and I'm picking up their slack. I also hate it when people who say they're in theater just hang out, when I know I never have enough time to do what needs to be done, they just watch and have fun, while I work for 2 or 3 hours and then go to circus and stay up way too late doing homework. And we wonder why I'm sick. I probably shouldn't even be writing this, people are going to get offended and feel guilty and try and defend themselves, I'm not mad, I'm just tired and getting way too close to being done with it all, I hate that I feel the responsibility others neglect. Umm, sorry if you just read this post, it wasn't the best thing to read, but its a place to vent.
I have to load in On the Verge tomorrow, I have the circus tech rehearsal on Wednesday, and the AP test on Friday. I'm sick, and I have no energy or motivation. I just want to go to sleep until something good decides to happen.
I hate it when people confuse me, and even more when they make me feel like I'm making a mistake, I just want what's in the past to stay there, I want to move on, I want to be by myself.
This week is probably going to be the hardest and longest of the year, and I'm going into it like this, I can't deal. I can't not be nervous about the test, I can't not care about this play, and I can't not do circus well, or else I'll just end up falling and getting hurt. I really want this year to be over so I can just have a good, fun, free summer. I want to rest.
So, this weekend was just a spike down from Saturday to Sunday. Saturday Cameron and Jennica and I went to Apropos and painted the floor for On the Verge because the people I called couldn't do it, and I don't have the numbers of the other people involved in the show. It was good, though, it got done, I'll get laid down tomorrow, but it was more than 6 hours out of my weekend with painting it yesterday and getting it up and then rolled up today. I wish I didn't have to do everything for a show that I care about myself. It seems that I'm one of the only people holding theater up right now, and I can't do it for much longer at all. People need to stay more committed than they are and make sacrifices more often, because they signed up for that responsibility at the beginning of the year, and now they're doing other things and I'm picking up their slack. I also hate it when people who say they're in theater just hang out, when I know I never have enough time to do what needs to be done, they just watch and have fun, while I work for 2 or 3 hours and then go to circus and stay up way too late doing homework. And we wonder why I'm sick. I probably shouldn't even be writing this, people are going to get offended and feel guilty and try and defend themselves, I'm not mad, I'm just tired and getting way too close to being done with it all, I hate that I feel the responsibility others neglect. Umm, sorry if you just read this post, it wasn't the best thing to read, but its a place to vent.