GRE Blues
I truly believe that I'll NEVER be ready for the GRE. As much as I study and learn vocabulary, I feel I can't even score nearly as much as those who don't study and just take it or those who prepare only days before. An average to below average is what I picture and that's with studying. Again I'm thrown into self doubt. Some days I feel unique. It's as if I was given the gift of analysis and analytical writing to make it far, even if I may play only a minor role in the bigger picture that is life. Actually, those have been most days - ambitious, idealistic days. But other days, the days I face reality, I realize I am nothing.
I think to myself, perhaps I am just the epitome of luck. I was lucky I did well on all those papers. I was lucky I passed those classes. I was lucky I received the right teachers who liked my writing. Luck. Luck. Luck. I had always thought hard work and being a good student was enough, but it isn't. Grad schools aren't looking for good students. They already know their applicants are good. What makes me stand out? Absolutely nothing. My GRE scores definitely won't either, no matter how much I study. I think I've finally hit my roadblock. The extent of my newly established, carefree, blithe attitude on life is coming to an end. Studying for the GRE seems futile and to exacerbate the problem, my GRE score makes only one small part in the decision process. What about the other parts? Oh right, the part where I stand out somehow.
As my 4th year is approaching, I already feel the weight and pressure on my shoulders. Gravity is taking its toll. Obviously from this post, I am discouraged. Do I feel I must quit and give up now? I want to, but no, I won't give up. It's not in my nature to do so. However the same, disheartening questions will always remain in the back of my head: Can I even succeed? Will I be prepared to face the day that I cannot?
I think to myself, perhaps I am just the epitome of luck. I was lucky I did well on all those papers. I was lucky I passed those classes. I was lucky I received the right teachers who liked my writing. Luck. Luck. Luck. I had always thought hard work and being a good student was enough, but it isn't. Grad schools aren't looking for good students. They already know their applicants are good. What makes me stand out? Absolutely nothing. My GRE scores definitely won't either, no matter how much I study. I think I've finally hit my roadblock. The extent of my newly established, carefree, blithe attitude on life is coming to an end. Studying for the GRE seems futile and to exacerbate the problem, my GRE score makes only one small part in the decision process. What about the other parts? Oh right, the part where I stand out somehow.
As my 4th year is approaching, I already feel the weight and pressure on my shoulders. Gravity is taking its toll. Obviously from this post, I am discouraged. Do I feel I must quit and give up now? I want to, but no, I won't give up. It's not in my nature to do so. However the same, disheartening questions will always remain in the back of my head: Can I even succeed? Will I be prepared to face the day that I cannot?