(no subject)
so i'm at work playing receptionist and there's nothing to do at the moment. so i decided to fill my time by looking at people's livejournal entries from last summer. i remembered how i felt like i was in a completely different world this time one year ago...a really shitty world. but it's weird..the shitty times felt real and the times that are all happy and stuff where there are no bumps in the road feel fake, like i'm not really alive. today, i just feel numb. steve's email today explained that the cheapest plan ticket he can find is 600 pounds, or about $1200 because the war has raised fucking oil prices. so after talking to him on the phone it turns out that he probably won't be able to come back till late late july, giving us only a week together before i have to go to fucking ra training. i wish so much that i could just take a semester off, but its not that easy. i think it's funny that some people think that not blowing off school makes you less "hardcore" or some shit like that. personally, i think that surviving four years of high school and college makes you that much stronger. blah blah, what the fuck am i talking about. i'm so mad about steve not being here. i'm mad at everyone and everything and then my mind wanders and i start making up reasons why he's not here, like how he doesn't want to be and i just can't do that to myself. ugh, everything is so crazy and on top of all that, i have to go to court for that dui on july 27th. i NEED steve there with me. i just need him, period.