a) hello old friend. b) and hello unfamiliar.
wow it's been years...and i was reminded that it's been years while stalking other friends.
so much has happened
good times
bad times...i don't remember them all.
but i finally graduated!!! it only took forever, but it happened.
and now it is on to pre-training for the job and studying till my eye's bleed for my licensing exam. and it's killing me. by the time it's over, if i see another question i will most likely shrilly scream and beg for death. no seriously. and if someone asked me, "stephanie, would you take a job in which you would receive $20/hr to answer questions fulltime?" i would reply by either stating strongly, "stop saying words. i hate you, you loathesome pile of scum. get out of my life!" or shooting them dead.
yay!
and now i'm looking toward the future...the near future.
i'm staying in champaign. why am i staying in champaign? why am i sitting here in champaign at this moment? i'm not trying to insult champaign or lovers of champaign. it is a nice town. with some fun people. with my people. with some cool things in the nooks and crannies. but what about the world. i've had a taste of it and i can't stop thinking about that which i tasted and all the many things that have yet to be tasted...and i like more than just tasting. i like savoring and lingering. so i'm thinking...why don't you get a move on? times a ticking. but alas, i'm staying in champaign right now...it's ok. i'm starting as an ER nurse which is what i wanted. and i got it from the start. i can gradually increase my experience, but i can't deny that part of me is kicking myself. and for some reason i feel that my destiny won't be found without adventure.
and love...haha. love is no different i guess. i still reply no at every phone call when my tita asks if i'm with anyone. and as much as i hate that a small part of me is ok with that, because i feel that people don't understand me at all. some people are trying to set me up with guys and spark an interest, "stephanie, he's such a great guy, he's dependable and he has a stable career..." and that's when i stop smiling and throw up a little in my mouth...actually i straight up blow chunks. where do people get the idea that i want a stable life? i'm not your typical girl. yes i do dream about my wedding, but on a very rare occassion, and it is so far from the average girls ideal wedding. and the idea of a stable husband makes it seem like i want a stable life or i want to appear that i have a stable life...which is the whole problem with "stability" life isn't meant to be stable...they're all decieving themselves! and clearly the life i want is far from the big house in the suburbs where i can be the perfect house wife. i think i'd rather die. that whole seeing the world bit is not a phase. i don't want to settle down ever...maybe start a family, but settling down never. and why do people think this is crazy? why do guys think this is crazy? i never want to feel tied down to a location. many men fear being tied down to a relationship...i can understand not wanting to feel tied down...but love shouldn't make you feel that you can't be who you are. that's not love...and no one should feel like they are stuck anywhere...so i found the perfect solution find the love of my life, be with them forever and discover the world together. and it is achievable. my job could allow for travel as could some others. so it's not unrealistic. and i hate it when people doubt my dreams...they may be ellaborate and out there but they are achievable.
so these are some of my thoughts recently...for a change.
so much has happened
good times
bad times...i don't remember them all.
but i finally graduated!!! it only took forever, but it happened.
and now it is on to pre-training for the job and studying till my eye's bleed for my licensing exam. and it's killing me. by the time it's over, if i see another question i will most likely shrilly scream and beg for death. no seriously. and if someone asked me, "stephanie, would you take a job in which you would receive $20/hr to answer questions fulltime?" i would reply by either stating strongly, "stop saying words. i hate you, you loathesome pile of scum. get out of my life!" or shooting them dead.
yay!
and now i'm looking toward the future...the near future.
i'm staying in champaign. why am i staying in champaign? why am i sitting here in champaign at this moment? i'm not trying to insult champaign or lovers of champaign. it is a nice town. with some fun people. with my people. with some cool things in the nooks and crannies. but what about the world. i've had a taste of it and i can't stop thinking about that which i tasted and all the many things that have yet to be tasted...and i like more than just tasting. i like savoring and lingering. so i'm thinking...why don't you get a move on? times a ticking. but alas, i'm staying in champaign right now...it's ok. i'm starting as an ER nurse which is what i wanted. and i got it from the start. i can gradually increase my experience, but i can't deny that part of me is kicking myself. and for some reason i feel that my destiny won't be found without adventure.
and love...haha. love is no different i guess. i still reply no at every phone call when my tita asks if i'm with anyone. and as much as i hate that a small part of me is ok with that, because i feel that people don't understand me at all. some people are trying to set me up with guys and spark an interest, "stephanie, he's such a great guy, he's dependable and he has a stable career..." and that's when i stop smiling and throw up a little in my mouth...actually i straight up blow chunks. where do people get the idea that i want a stable life? i'm not your typical girl. yes i do dream about my wedding, but on a very rare occassion, and it is so far from the average girls ideal wedding. and the idea of a stable husband makes it seem like i want a stable life or i want to appear that i have a stable life...which is the whole problem with "stability" life isn't meant to be stable...they're all decieving themselves! and clearly the life i want is far from the big house in the suburbs where i can be the perfect house wife. i think i'd rather die. that whole seeing the world bit is not a phase. i don't want to settle down ever...maybe start a family, but settling down never. and why do people think this is crazy? why do guys think this is crazy? i never want to feel tied down to a location. many men fear being tied down to a relationship...i can understand not wanting to feel tied down...but love shouldn't make you feel that you can't be who you are. that's not love...and no one should feel like they are stuck anywhere...so i found the perfect solution find the love of my life, be with them forever and discover the world together. and it is achievable. my job could allow for travel as could some others. so it's not unrealistic. and i hate it when people doubt my dreams...they may be ellaborate and out there but they are achievable.
so these are some of my thoughts recently...for a change.