Finding joy.
I swear that my traveling is the reason that I refuse to live an unhappy life.
I... it seems that so many people I know are willing to succumb to lives they don't really like- to jobs that drain them of their happiness and their will to live, almost.
I had a moment, today, while chopping leeks, where I realized that maybe I can so easily drop my former life like that because I've lived other lives, and felt the happiness of simple joy (aka "what life is supposed to be"). Since I've dropped that life, I've come back to myself, to the one who can fill up a whole night with listening to music loudly in the kitchen while chopping vegetables, humming to myself, and drinking a glass of wine. I've cooked more in the last month than I have in the last two years, because of the soul-sucking, draining way that I felt each evening upon arriving home. It's not that I think we shouldn't work hard, especially for worthy causes... but I need to do it in a way where I can still sustain my soul.
I love this; I love calling friends more often, reading fiction constantly out of a place of joy- (like I did in my childhood!), spending real time with my boyfriend, and being outdoors more than just to walk into school in the morning and leave school as it was beginning to get dark... I feel like I'm starting to win my life back, honestly. Thank God. I'm becoming myself again, or who I thought I was, at least.
I... it seems that so many people I know are willing to succumb to lives they don't really like- to jobs that drain them of their happiness and their will to live, almost.
I had a moment, today, while chopping leeks, where I realized that maybe I can so easily drop my former life like that because I've lived other lives, and felt the happiness of simple joy (aka "what life is supposed to be"). Since I've dropped that life, I've come back to myself, to the one who can fill up a whole night with listening to music loudly in the kitchen while chopping vegetables, humming to myself, and drinking a glass of wine. I've cooked more in the last month than I have in the last two years, because of the soul-sucking, draining way that I felt each evening upon arriving home. It's not that I think we shouldn't work hard, especially for worthy causes... but I need to do it in a way where I can still sustain my soul.
I love this; I love calling friends more often, reading fiction constantly out of a place of joy- (like I did in my childhood!), spending real time with my boyfriend, and being outdoors more than just to walk into school in the morning and leave school as it was beginning to get dark... I feel like I'm starting to win my life back, honestly. Thank God. I'm becoming myself again, or who I thought I was, at least.