Where Do We Go

[snk_haven]

Title: Where Do We Go
Pairing: Kato Shigeaki x OC
Rating: PG
Summary: After being forced into a relationship by his parents, Kato Shigeaki finally finds someone that is meant for him. Only to lose her due to his current predicament. What will Shige do to get her back.
Notes: This is actually the third installment to a short series. For reference do read the two fics that are prequels to this ( Trouble with shige completed ) and ( Fortunately Unfortunate- completed )
Disclaimer: I don't own anything Johnny's

Finally! Sorry to keep you guys waiting. Sorry I say that all the time but I always end up posting later than I said I would (should really start working harder!) Its a longer chapter to make up for the long wait. I really had to post everything in one go. File is to long though so had to post it in 2 parts. Read both alright! Thanks guys!









*flashback*

It was already 6 months into their relationship and Ken had always cooked for her. But tonight he said he wanted to something special.

He was up to something again today for when Alex entered his apartment she could smell something nice cooking.

“Ken…” Alex called out as she walked around his studio apartment and peeked into the kitchen.

He turned to her with a wide smile. “You weren’t supposed to arrive until later! I’m not yet finished.” Ken said walking around to block Alex’s way.

Alex smiled back. “But it smells so good. What are you cooking?” Ken wasn’t able to stop her as she walked around towards the stove.”

“Not fair. Come on just wait for me at the living room. Go watch TV or something.” Ken shooed her and pushed her into the living room.

Alex didn’t insist anymore and did as she was told. It wasn’t until moments later when Ken had already finished setting the table up that he called Alex so they can have dinner.

Ken had always been good at cooking. Living alone for quite some time, his cooking skills have improved due to the numerous practices he’s had by cooking for himself.

“You haven’t told me what the occasion is.” Alex said as Ken laid a number of dishes before them in the small dining table in his kitchen.

“Why are you asking me that? I always cook so there’s nothing new with that. I just felt like doing more than the usual today.” Ken said pretending to be offended.

After dinner they sat together by the couch drinking coffee and watching a random movie on cable. Ken had his arm draped around Alex’s shoulder.

“Thanks for dinner.” Alex said.

“I’d cook for you anytime sweetie.” Ken pulled her closer capturing her lips in his.

Ken had kissed her a number of times before but there was something different in the way he was kissing her tonight. It started gently before Ken started kissing her more urgently, more provocatively. Soon Alex was lying on her back on the couch with Ken on top of her continuing his heavy kisses.

A thought passed through Alex mind and she somehow had an idea where their actions might lead to and suddenly for some reasons a feeling of hesitation ran through her. She loved her boyfriend but something in her mind was holding her back for some reason.

It was when Ken’s hand started creeping inside her shirt that Alex was suddenly pulled back into reality. She broke off from the kiss to Ken’s surprise. He hovered above her and stared into her face as id asking her what was wrong.

Alex suddenly realized that she was afraid. Not so because she was against it but she didn’t know if she was ready. The only previous experience she’s had was that unfortunate incident in the locker room that left her a bit traumatized.

Realizing what was going through her mind, Ken pulled away and sat back up. Alex followed suit soon enough to see Ken heave a frustrated sigh that she hasn’t seen him do before.

Alex knew there probably was something wrong with her. She was probably the only one her age who was shying away from sex when everyone else was doing it. But she couldn’t help it. Maybe it was due to her long relationship with Lee that had her set with different ideals. Or maybe it was due to the not so favorable guys she’s come across with before Ken. It maybe a combination of both but whatever it is Alex didn’t know if she was ready to do it tonight.

Looking at Ken’s tight expression, Alex knew she was trying to control his emotions like she had seen him do whenever he is angry or frustrated.

Alex tried to reach out her hand but seeing Ken’s indifference she pulled her hand back.

“I…I’m sorry Ken.” Alex uttered quietly. “I’m sorry…I really just hesitated.”

Ken sighed heavily. “I really don’t understand Alex.” Ken said in a controlled tone. “We’ve been together fore quite a while now but why can’t you seem to love me enough to be able to do it with me.”

Alex felt a bit stunned. Ken was wrong to think that it had something to do with her feelings for him that’s why she was balking. She had never seen him frustrated like that towards her before. It was maybe because he had been trying to hold back for a long time already and he had just reached his limit. He wouldn’t act like that if he hasn’t.

“Please don’t doubt how I feel Ken. You know very well how I feel about you.” Alex continued to say in the same quiet tone.

“Then why can’t we do it then? I haven’t done anything wrong have I? And I think you’ve witnessed how dedicated I am to you right? I’ve been a proper boyfriend….”Alex knew Ken must’ve thought she hasn’t been a proper girlfriend.

I mean we are in a relationship, it’s all a part of that’s. How else could two people express their love for each other?” Ken looked at her frustration showing on his face.

Alex felt guilty. Ken had gone all the way to prepare tonight for them and she seemed to have ruined it.  She knew she had to do something to make up to what Ken claims as her lack of commitment to him. He had been patient with her thus far so maybe it was time she understand his needs.

Alex closed her eyes and tried calming herself up. She took deep breaths and tried convincing herself that she should start acting mature and that she shouldn’t hesitate. That she had to show Ken that she was as into their relationship as he was.

When Alex opened her eyes and steadied herself. She then reached out and held Ken’s arm and with the other touched his face so he was looking at her.

“Ken…I’m sorry…can we try again?” Alex knew she should really stop holding back and just give into what Ken wants. “I won’t hesitate anymore. I’ll be a proper girlfriend.”

Ken looked into her eyes as if trying to see if she was kidding or of if she really meant what she said. When he saw that she was serious he pulled her back again and started kissing her urgently once again. Alex met returned his kisses and tried controlling herself from pulling away once again.

As Ken laid her on her back once again, she held him so she won’t let herself back out anymore. When Ken’s hands went inside her shirt she felt goose bumps on her skin and she trembled at his touch.

And then suddenly Ken stopped.  Alex was surprised thinking she had done something wrong once again. She opened her eyes to see Ken looking at her intently. Then he suddenly pulled her to him and hugged her.

“I’m sorry Alex…I was forcing myself to you…I didn’t mean to scare you.” Ken voice now sounded gentle. “I was carried away by my emotions. I’m sorry.”

Alex felt tears threatening to fall but she held them back. Ken must’ve felt her hesitation despite her efforts to control it.

“I’ll wait Alex…I’ll wait till you’re ready.” Ken said as he held her tighter still.

After that incident at his apartment Ken didn’t force the issue unto her anymore. He seemed to be doing what he said he would and that was to wait.

One day her classes finished early and she was looking for her boyfriend. She knew his classes finish earlier than hers that day. She couldn’t find him in campus and knew that he probably went back to his apartment which wasn’t that far from the university.

She walked towards his apartment building and up the 4th floor where his place was. Ken had given her a key to his place but Alex had only used it when necessary. She knocked on the door and waited for a few moments for Ken to open up. When he didn’t come, she knocked once again and called Ken’s name.

When he finally came to open the door, a girl was standing there beside him. The blonde smiled when she saw Alex.

“Hey Alex, how’s it going?” The girl called Liza greeted her. Alex had met her before. She was Ken’s classmate in one of his majors and they’ve been introduced before.

“Hey Liza, what are you doing here?” Alex was a bit surprised to see her in Ken’s apartment.

“Welll…umm…Ken and I are partners in a class presentation.” Liza turned to look at Ken behind her. “We had to discuss a few things and Ken suggested his place since we can’t find a more suitable location.”

Alex looked at Liza and suddenly had a nagging feeling. She tried to ignore it and not entertain any uncertain thoughts.

“Well then I’ll just see you in school.” Turning to Ken, Liza said “Let’s just continue doing this some other time.”

Alex saw Ken nod at her and Liza was soon off. Alex entered the apartment and her eyes automatically scanned the place. She looked at Ken and he seemed like his usual self as he looked at her and smiled.

“What are you doing here this early?” He asked.

“Well my classes finish early.” Alex looked at him. “So what is this project you and Liza are working on?”

“Well…we’re supposed to report on a topic in class and we were just discussing it.” Ken said casually.

“But why here in your apartment? You could’ve done it in the library or in school where it’s more suitable.” Alex couldn’t help but say her thoughts.

“Umm…I wanted somewhere more comfortable to I thought we’d do it here. And besides we were debating on a few ideas so we’d probably just make too much noise in the library.” Ken said with a shrug.

Something that Alex didn’t want to feel started to creep into her even as she tried to suppress it and that was doubt. She didn’t want to doubt Ken but the nagging feeling just didn’t want to go away.

Alex eyed her curiously. “There are other places too you know and your apartment isn’t the only one.”

Ken probably saw what Alex was thinking so he approached her and held her. “Do I sense a bit of jealousy?”

Alex didn’t look at his and tried moving away making Ken laugh a bit.

“I didn’t do anything inappropriate with Liza alright. We just did some schoolwork that’s all. So don’t think about it alright.” Ken said turning Alex’s chin to face him.

Ken looked sincere as he said it and Alex though she was probably overreacting so she just let it go and believe just as Ken had said.

That wasn’t the only time Alex came across Liza though. The second time she saw her walking out the entrance of Ken’s apartment building just as she was going there. She tried not to mind her as she thought about what Ken said about doing their presentation.

Things surrounding Ken didn't end there though. It was a month after the Liza incident that he started acting a bit strange.

For Alex he seemed to have become aloof. They didn't get to spend that much time together anymore. Ken would say he was busy with school work for it was his last year in the university and also some swimming competition had turned up and he was a part of it.

Alex thought it was completely understandable and just let Ken do what he had to do. But Alex knew there was something wrong when even during the few times they managed to spend time together Ken would always seem distracted and not himself.

Alex tried asking him what was wrong or if he was alright. Ken would just smile and say that university work was giving him so much pressure that's why he would seem lost in space lately. He promised her he would make up to her once he finishes some of his load.

Alex believed him and just let him be. She thought she'd just support him and help him out if he needs any assistance.

One time though during a break between her two classes Alex realized that a book she needed was in Ken's apartment. It was fairly near so she decided to walk there to get it. She knew Ken had classes at that hour so he wouldn't be home. She would just have to use the spare key he gave her.

Taking the lift towards the fourth floor, Alex didn't think there was anything unusual as she turned the key in the latch and let herself in.

As she walked further in Alex suddenly froze as she got the shock of her life. It was a studio apartment after all with only a divider separating the bed from the living room and that didn't exactly hid it from view.

Alex felt blood leave her face and felt a stab in her heart. There on the bed was Ken with another woman. Alex could see her face but she really didn't know who she was. They didn't notice her as their naked limbs were tangled with each other as Ken was moving on top of her.

Alex didn't know what was happening to her. It felt like she was sucked into an abyss and she was falling endlessly into a dreadful nightmare.

The books Alex were carrying fell on the floor with a thud and she had to hold on to the nearest thing beside her that she didn't notice hitting a glass and it too fell on the floor with a crash.

The sound though was enough to get the attention of the two people in bed as they both turned to look at her direction.

Alex could see Ken's eyes widening when he saw her standing there. Blood left his face when he realized what was happening.

"Alex..." He heard him call her name albeit softly as he too froze.

Alex wanted to disappear, wanted the ground to open up right then and there so she could get away from that place. But she can't seem to move herself.

The girl Ken was with on the other hand was looking at Alex with obvious distaste. Pulling the sheet to cover herself up she didn't even felt self conscious as she looked at Alex.

"Baby who is this?" The girl asked Ken in a voice still thick with emotions from their 'activity'.

"What is she doing barging in here intruding in your place? Doesn't she have any manners and know better than to knock before coming in?" The girl said sarcastically, her eyes not leaving Alex.

Her words brought Alex to her senses though. She quickly picked her books up and hastily went out of the apartment. Alex didn't know if Ken would be going after her but she didn't stop walking. She didn't even know where she was going and her surroundings were in a blur as the only thing clear on her mind was the image of Ken in bed with another woman.

Alex didn't even notice that tears were already falling from her eyes and just felt her cheeks wet as she touched them.

All her walking led her to a park in a part of town. It was almost deserted save for a couple of kids playing on the swing. Alex sat on a bench under a tree and there she let herself take in everything that happened.

She wasn't able to go to the rest of her classes that day anymore and it was already dark when she decided to head home. It was only when she was walking back home that she got a couple of missed calls from Ken and a text message asking her where she was.

"Why are you looking for me just now? Why did you do this to me Ken?" Alex thought as she turned her phone off.

She maybe naive and she may lack experience unlike other women but she definitely doesn't deserve to be cheated upon.

Alex avoided any contact or any incidents with Ken during the next few days. She didn't know if she can face him anymore and didn't know how she would react if she sees him. Her phone remained turned off so if whether he was trying to call her or not she wouldn't know.

It was four days after that Ken finally caught up with Alex cornering her after one of her classes. Not wanting to make a scene she didn't have a choice but to go somewhere with him to talk.

"I've been trying to call you a few times but can't get through." Ken started as they say across each other in a quiet corner of a nearby cafe.

Alex couldn't get herself to look at Ken. "What do you want from me Ken?"

Ken regarded her for a while as if thinking what to say to her.

"What you saw back there the other day...I didn't want you to witness that. I didn't intend for you to find it out that way." Ken said.

Alex suddenly felt her anger rising. "So you were just planning to keep it and go on cheating behind my back then? What kind of a fool do you take me for Ken!?"

"No you're not a fool Alex. This is all my doing. I think you'd understand better once I tell you everything." Ken said looking self-conscious.

"Well Kelly...Kelly is my girlfriend." Ken said obviously referring to the girl he was with.

"Girlfriend? Do you mean ex-girlfriend?" Alex asked suddenly confused.

Ken shook his head suddenly looking ashamed. "No I mean she IS my girlfriend. We've never... never really broken up. She just went abroad to study but now she is back for a couple of months..."

If Alex felt stabbed at Ken's initial statement, the next one just had her crushed. What was he telling her now? How can he be with her and that girl Kelly at the same time?

"So you were planning to have the both of us at the same time?" Alex stared at Ken in disbelief.

Ken looked down. "I honestly didn't know what I wanted Alex. I...I will admit I think I'm still in love with Kelly but I also want you too..."

"I'm not a spare tire Ken. You think by telling me that I'd consent to being your other woman?" Because that was she really was now that she realizes it. She was in fact the other woman.

"Kelly left to study in Europe earlier this year but we told each other we will find a way to make our long distance relationship work." Ken started telling his story. "I was really depressed during the first couple of months she was away."

"And then I met you...you were sweet and you needed me. You were good for my ego." Ken admitted. "I admit I missed feeling that. I missed feeling needed."

"Things made a turn and we developed into something else. I don't know what happened but maybe we both assumed that we fell in live with each other but whatever it is we really had something." Ken almost sounded regretful.

Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. It would now seem that Ken was making it look like she was at fault for assuming they were in love.

"So now you're saying I'm at fault." Alex said in a voice as calm as ever. "Did you find me on purpose just to tell me that? How about Kelly does she know what I am to you?"

Ken hesitated for a while and then slowly he shook his head. "No...she doesn't know that you're my girlfriend too. I didn't tell her."

"So I wonder what is it you told her about who I really was when I walked in the other day." Alex asked but Ken didn't answer.

Alex knew there was no point in sitting there talking to Ken anymore. She was going through a lot inside. She felt hurt, betrayed, disgusted. She wanted to reach across the table and slap Ken. But her hand remained where it was. There was no point in going through their relationship anymore.  She wanted to get out of there.

But before she goes there was one more thing she had to ask Ken, one more thing she had to know.

"Liza...what was it that was happening between you and her? Do I have any reason to believe that you were doing school work?" Alex just had to ask.

Ken looked stunned. He was truly caught off guard by Alex's next question. But nevertheless he knew there was no point in denying to her anything anymore.

"Yes...Liza and I weren't exactly doing wholesome stuff. I've had sex with her a few times. One of which was when you saw her leaving my apartment." Ken admitted.

This time Alex couldn't stop herself anymore and her hand came flying landing squarely on Ken's cheek. She can't believe he had been making a fool of her for months now.

"You can't blame me entirely Alex. I've got needs as a man. Needs that you cannot provide in which Liza was only more than willing to give." Ken defended himself.

Ken once again put the blame on her. He can't believe he was making it look that it was actually her fault that he cheated on her. That she actually called upon herself all that happened to her.

Alex has had enough. She stood up, laid Ken's spare key on the table and walked away and never again looked back.

Alex only cried for Ken once and then swore she won't shed a tear for him any more than she did. But she had spent countless days looking back at the things Ken said. She doesn't even recall him saying he was sorry during their entire conversation.

But her break-up with Ken had left her with a feeling that there indeed was something wrong with her. That she lacked all the qualities that would make her hold a relationship together, that maybe she really wasn't a proper girlfriend.

"There is nothing wrong with you Alex. It's just that you have been meeting all sorts of wrong people. It's just really unfortunate that you're surrounded by jerks." Her cousin Vanna assured her. She had been her source of support and comfort during those hard times.

Her cousin made sure she was alright and helped her move on engaging her in various activities.

After a while when some of the clouds have cleared Alex had began to analyze what she felt for Ken. The more she thought about it the more she began to realize that it might've been gratefulness that might've led her to believe that she loved him. She might've been too won over by the hero image she had of him due to the fact that he came to her rescue once before.

Ken had never tried to contact her since the day she walked out on him. She wouldn't mind him even if he did. It was fortunate that Ken was graduating a term ahead of her. She didn't have to see him during her last months at the university.

One day though a few months after they broke up, Alex suddenly received an email from Ken. It was his first effort at contacting her after what happened.

His email told her that he made a mistake not running after her that day. That he should've just chosen to stay with her instead of Kelly.

Kelly had apparently eloped with one of her professors in Paris leaving Ken. Alex thought that karma really had its way of going around.

Ken had gone as far as asking Alex to take him back and for them to just start over. Thinking he could walk back into her life just like that.

But Alex wasn't a fool. She had moved on and only found the email distasteful. She deleted it without a second thought.

Alex realized though that Ken wasn't really determined to really start over with her like he said he wanted to. He didn't even make an effort to find her even if he knew very well where to find her. He didn't even try to show he was sorry. He probably was just looking for someone to comfort his deflated ego.

He only emailed her once and that was all there is to it.

•end of flashback•

Shige felt a bit heavy after Alex had finished with her story. What she went through wasn't really a simple thing. He could only imagine how she probably felt during that time.

Shige also suddenly saw what happened between him and Alex in a different light. Vanna really had a reason to react the way that she did towards him. Alex was probably hurt more than she said she did. What she went through in the past and what happened between them was just like déjà vu. Albeit the ending was different still he made her go through the same emotions all over again.

Shige held Alex tightly as he kissed her head. He wanted to say something, wanted to tell her so much but he just didn't know how to start.

He then remembered the letter she wrote him as she left Tokyo. Shige remembered her saying sorry for assuming too much. That clearly had indications of her previous experience. She probably thought it was her fault that she put too much meaning into something that wasn't there.

But it wasn't her fault because Shige had indeed fallen for her. Ken wasn't even half a man to try and put the blame on Alex. He was clearly trying to find an escape for his measly behavior. It was an act of cowardice to even try and make Alex feel that she had called that fate upon herself, that she deserved to be treated that way, that she deserved to be cheated upon.

Alex deserved none of that. She was worth much, much more. If he had known about their past earlier Shige could've sworn he might not be able to control himself and he might end up doing nasty things towards Ken.

"I've yet to encounter a guy lower than what Ken has made himself into." Shige said with nothing but hatred for the guy now.

"He's a first class jerk if ever I've encountered one." Shige said his expression darkening. "Don't let such a lame excuse make you think wrongly of yourself Alex. If there's someone at fault here then that's nobody else but him. It’s his fault that he can’t keep his pants on"

Alex sighed softly. "At that time I really felt like there was something wrong with me."

"No Alex there was there is nothing wrong with you. The choices you make are your own and if he can't respect them then you don't deserve such a person." Shige assured her.

"If he were standing here in front of me I'd gave nothing more than wring his neck." Shige declared.

Alex laughed softly. "Don't waste your energy on someone like Ken."

“I hope I don’t come across him again until we leave her or else I might not be able to control myself and someone is bound to get hurt.” There was actual warning in Shige’s tone.

Then they were quiet for a while just looking up the night sky watching the stars.

"Alex..." Shige suddenly quietly called her name. "I'm sorry...sorry for making you go through that all over again

Alex turned around and looked at him curiously, searching his face. "Why are you saying sorry? What for?"

“Well...I really didn't spare you from the same feelings didn't I?" Shige looked remorseful. "That incident with Minami..."

Alex held Shige's face looking concerned. "What made you say it's the same? How can that be Shige?"

"You said so yourself that things between you and Minami really wasn't like that." Alex raised an eyebrow. "Unless there is something you really aren't telling me."

"There is nothing more I swear Alex. Everything that I've told you were all there is." Shige said seriously.

Alex smiled, "And I believe you. That night at your place you stood up for and defended me. I think that says a lot doesn't it?"

"She was never really my girlfriend. I really didn't want anything to do with her." Shige emphasized.

Alex smoothed the lock of hair that fell across Shige's forehead. "You told me that and I believe you." Alex smiled to herself. "Even Kei is telling me that."

Shige gave a small laugh. "Yeah my lawyer Koyama Keiichiro." Shige turned serious once again. "But truly Alex I've never been in love my entire life but I really fell for you."

Shige leaned close brushing his lips over Alex's "I love you..."

"I love you too Shige." For assurance Alex closed the remaining gap between them and kissed him.

Shige held Alex by the waist as she turned around in her sitting position to face him as she kissed him.

Shige suddenly felt guilty. Another instance from Alex past made him think of the things he's done with her thus far.

When Alex pulled away a bit Shige held her in place as he searched her face as he stared into her eyes.

"Alex can I ask you something? Shige said tentatively.

"Of course. You know you can ask me anything," Alex said smiling encouragingly at Shige.

Shige looked as if he was weighing his words. "Umm...Alex when...that night..." Shige struggled on what he wanted to say.

Alex looked at him curiously and then she suddenly smiled as she understood.

"Are you trying to ask me about our first night together?" Alex asked.

"Yes..." Shige answered in a breath as Alex read his mind. "The first time we made love..."

Alex didn't say anything and waited for what Shige wanted to say.

"During that night...I was wondering if I somehow brought pressure on you...that maybe you were afraid that if you didn't allow it it'll end up like how it did with Ken." Shige's face was etched with worry.

Alex frowned a bit realizing what Shige meant. "Shige...did you feel that I was forcing myself that night?"

Shige honestly didn't think so. In fact that night was magical he doesn't think he'll forget it.

"Hun...I came to you willingly because that was my choice...because I wanted to experience it with you." Alex said.

"I didn't even think of anybody but you that night..." Alex declared. "Please don't even think of comparing yourself with anyone Shige because you are different."

"Different?" Shige echoed.

"You came after me...you went all the way here just to look for me..." Alex smiled at the thought. "I thought you really must've liked me that much to exert all that effort and go through all the trouble."

"I honestly would've stopped at nothing Alex...not until you'd come around to give me a second chance." Shige said seriously.

Alex gave a small laugh. "I should've waited a while more then and just let you work your way." She teased.

Shige smiled. "That wouldn't have stopped me though. I don't intend to leave Sydney until you say yes."

Alex then smiled a smile that reached her eyes. “And especially because…because I was in love with you Shige. I’ve realized that even while I was still in Tokyo.”

Alex words made Shige’s heart pound he thought it was gonna burst. Alex has said that before but hearing her say it doesn’t fail to amaze him each time.

"Alex your past might not have been that good to you but I hope I could make the present and future make up for all the tears and the heartache." Shige touched Alex's cheek.

"That's putting quite a lot on your shoulder don't you think?" Alex teased him.

"I'll take care for as long as you're with me, for as long as you're mine." Shige said holding her closer still.

Alex smiled meaningfully. "Do you still need further convincing I won't have anyone else but you?"

Shige felt overwhelmed by what Alex said about him being different, about how she felt that he was the right one. His heart swelled at the thought and he knew he would show her everyday that she is right about him.

Shige looked at her with concern. “I just got a bit worried that’s all.”

Alex smiled and held his face in her hands. “I’m sorry I think my story scared you. But that was all in the past. I’ve got you with me now. And there is nothing more that I can ask for.”

Alex turned so that she was now fully facing Shige who was sitting on the whicker couch, planting her knees on either side of his thighs; she leaned closer and pressed her lips on his capturing them in a kiss that left him breathless.

“You are the only one for me Shige…”Alex breathed over his lips as she pulled away for a while. With a glint in her eyes she decided to show him.
Alex really doesn’t have much experience and this was the first time she was taking the initiative in their love-making. She was a bit surprised at her sudden boldness but she wasn’t worried because after all this is Shige, her Shige.