(Untitled)

[ihaveweeprongs]

My New Years resolution is to work on my gaydar.

Ron. Seriously. Did you know? Because I didn't know.

I bet Hermione knew.

Comments

[carrotwang]

DID I KNOW?

Mate, I was the one that found that dodgy note from Grindlewhatsit in the first place. I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FORGET EVER SINCE.

[ihaveweeprongs]

OKAY DON'T SHOUT I'M SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU.

Wait, you never told me about that!

[carrotwang]

HOW DO YOU- oh sorry mate. How do you think the whole thing got started anyway? One minute I'm digging through all these papers, the next minute I'm reading about how much Grindlewald wants to put one up Dumbledore.

We should have seen it coming mate, he was pretty flamboyant.

[ihaveweeprongs]

One what?

Yeah, well, lots of wizards wear purple. He did look like a giant walking dildo though, you're right.

[carrotwang]

His knob, mate.

He wore a lot of velvet too, made sense. Seems a bit strange him getting together with his enemy though, doesn't it? I mean fair enough mate, be as gay as you want, but why with someone evil!

[ihaveweeprongs]

Oh right. Do you reckon Remus and Sirius ever--actually never mind, I don't think I want to know.

Well yeah that would be like me snogging Snape or Malfoy or something. Ugh.

[carrotwang]

Shut up, mate. Sirius Black was the straightest guy in the world. You really do need a new gaydar.

EW MATE, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SODDING MIND. SNAPE. MALFOY. Malfoy is going bald by the way, Bill told me.

[ihaveweeprongs]

Sirius Black. As in Sirius Black my godfather, yeah? Sirius Black the disco QUEEN. Ron did you read ANY of those diaries I showed you?

THAT'S MY POINT STUPID. That's because he's a bad person. Hair loss happens to bad people.

[carrotwang]

Whatever, mate. He had a huge motorbike, Dad told me that muggles who ride enormous motorbikes are always straight.

I AM NOT STUPID. You're stupid. I can't believe you didn't know Dumbledore was gay.

[ihaveweeprongs]

Your Dad also told you that wanking makes you go blind. And that eating brown bread gives you hair on your chest. And that eating carrots makes you see in the dark. And that going swimming at two in the morning on the second Tuesday of the second month means you can read peoples minds. The squid almost drowned you!

SHUT UP. I had other things to worry about.

[carrotwang]

I COULD TOTALLY SEE BETTER ON THE ALL CARROT DIET.

You'd think with the amount of time you spent in his office, mate. All those private meetings. Alone. Meeting. Privately.

Just saying. It's a bit bloody suspicious.

[ihaveweeprongs]

But.

But he had a lot of meetings with me.

[carrotwang]

Yeah mate, think about it.

Lots of MEETINGS.

[ihaveweeprongs]

STOP IT. STOP GAYING IT UP. DUMBLEDORE WAS NEVER GAY WITH ME. HE WAS A PERFECT GENTLEMAN.

[carrotwang]

ME? GAYING IT UP? Whatever, mate. You were the one going on about Sirius being a flaming homosexual.

Dumbledore probably wasn't interested in you anyway because you weren't evil. Maybe all gay men go for evil blokes.

[ihaveweeprongs]

He was RETROsexual. Remus told me so.

Maybe, yeah. If you were gay, who would you go for?