Traffic
Some gems from my dad as we were stuck in traffic trying to get into the Holland tunnel.
Traffic is at a standstill and next to us, three guys are hanging just outside the entrance to a bar. My dad starts to do voices for them.
My dad: "Oh this place looks nice"
(One of the guys starts to open the door but then stops. Another guy starts to talk.)
My dad (in a higher pitched voice): "No it looks shitty."
(The first guy talks back)
My dad: Oh come on, just one drink.
(The other two seem to talk it over. Finally they all go in.)
My dad: Oh all right, just one drink.
My mom (from the backseat): You are way too bored.
When seeing all the New Jersey license plates surrounding us in traffic:
My dad: Look at all these New Jersey people infesting our apple state.
Me: lol, we're the Empire State.
My dad: Oh, I mean apple city. All these garden worms are infesting our apple city. (Get it? New Jersey is the Garden State.) Go away you garden worms.
My dad: Oh look, a Hooters! (is excited)
My mom: Excuse me?
My oblivious dad: There's a new one in Shanghai, did you know that?
My mom: That's wonderful.
Some lady has been singing opera on the radio for like...ever.
My dad: This woman is still going (and he does an impression) AHHH AHHHHHH HAHAHAAAAAH?
Well, it's good for bronchitis.
Me: lol what?
My dad: Yeah, clears out the lung cavity. If she has bronchitis, then she's doing a good thing.
My mom: Omg. Just change the station.
We're finally out of traffic and cruising down the road. My dad is driving in the left most lane, closest to the divider, and he's not driving very...er...steady, and my mom get's nervous.
My mom: Can you please drive more towards the middle? Switch into the middle lane please. Look, everyone else is driving in that lane, you're the only weirdo driving in this lane.
My dad: I walk my own path. I do not conform to the ways of popular society.
My mom: What on earth are you talking about?