Ladies, Your attention please. I wish I could repost all the immensely hilarious comments on this article my friends have been bandying about, but for now I'll just say:
Ha, Jack, you sucka! You have to clean the catbox forevermore!!!
Now I'm gonna go burn up some tobacco "to pre-stunt my pre-zygote's growth", to quote a friend. Paging Dr. Atwood, indeed.