saturday, sunday
i have to get this out of the way - man did i have a weird experience on saturday, or at least it's weird for me. it was in the midst of a slightly less weird experience, the bachelorette party. while normally i am sort of hyper-critical about this particular tradition, the spirit and camaraderie of this weekend's activity was reassuring, and i had a really pleasant time - except for the club.
so the gals wanted to split the night up - some chilling and booze at home, various commemorative transition-into-monogamy activities for several hours, quiet time to laugh and smile and bond and drink. then go out to a club - no not a strip club, i mean had the rest of the crew wanted to do that fine, but to my great relief that was not part of the plan. no, a standard issue dancing club, playing old favorites from our wilder youth, boogying down in rapturous celebration of our friends passing into a new phase of life. great. by friday all plans fell into place. i found a great idea for scrapbooking on indiebride.com (thanks to pictsy for finding that site! most people know how cynical i am about weddings, but this site was pretty refreshing) and the snacks procured by traceracer did a body good. well, maybe not the tiny wieners wrapped in biscuits, but everything else was pretty healthy! we donned powerpuff girls temporary tattoos and the guest of honor drank boone's straight outta the bottle and a comfortable glibness was reached by all participants save the ones driving.
then... then we trek out to polly esther's in rockville. now i had never been to this club, so i don't know if this was a typical night. two floors, one seemed to be mostly contemporary stuff, hip-hop, justin timberlake, stuff i normally call a guilty pleasure. the other side was supposed to be 70s? or 80s? but mostly was incredibly long remixes of old classics like "wild thing". not than i mind that either, really. i can probably be convinced to dance to just about everything. i started (and ended) with a drink called a purple rain - i can probably be convinced to drink anything with grape kool-aid in it, too. so, we're all grooving. general harmless making fun and pestering of the bride-to-be commences. all's well. until we all decide to hit the dance floor.
which brings me to my question: has it always been typical of suburban club nightlife for strange men to feel like they can dance up next to you and rub their genital area on your hips or ass??? and then, when pushed away and given the head-shake of NO, to move in to a different angle and try again? or for men to feel that they can grope you at will? nearly every member of our party was involved in a feeling-up attempt, or what i would hereafter like to call harassment or assault. i can't seem to find the MD laws in a quick search, but the NY laws certainly state it is so (non consensual touching of a sexual area) and most publicly funded endeavors define it that way too. anyways, so, someone does that and you turn to them and say, "stop that", "no", or "get away from me", but then they do it again??? i have to say that by comparison, the "freaks" at every goth/industrial club i have ever been to have never made me feel as skeeved as i felt (and this was unanimous, unequivocal among the 11 women in our party) as i did at this club. if i went to clubs like this more often i would seriously consider making up an assault awareness pamphlet written with both men and women in mind to help them understand the definition of consent and ... well i just don't even know how to finish that thought. it might warrant a post to girly_action except i feel as though my energies would be wasted on people who don't want to hear it (the clubgoers, not the denizens of that fine community) and that my work would be better spent elsewhere.
i've talked to several people at work now, and each one has said, "well, that's just what you can expect if you go to a club." once again the onus is on the woman to "accept" this or "prevent" it. we also observed that if there was a guy nearby who demonstrated his propriety over you, that you were "safe" as it were. as maudallan compared, it was as if the alpha male of your pack had to scare off the beta males. dear virginia slims: "you've come a long way baby" is no longer an appropriate slogan, please rescind until further improvements are made. criminy.
that aside, (as difficult as that is to wave aside) i had a good time, and even managed to get out and dance unharassed to several guilty pleasure songs on the hip-hop side of the club (thanks maudallan for joining me!). if i can manage to find a club where i can expect not to be skeeved upon (or at least not skeeved upon in a way that involves touching my body without permission) that plays hot 99.5 music, i'd love to go. devil_panda, ima lookin at you. :) much thanks to the sober drivers! and congratulations to zarobi.
sunday was leisurely - ate pizza, read house of leaves, bizarrojack's parents stopped by and we chatted for a bit. later on hit the diner with the usual suspects. really, i am doing a lot of bitching, but i had a very good, very happy weekend.
so the gals wanted to split the night up - some chilling and booze at home, various commemorative transition-into-monogamy activities for several hours, quiet time to laugh and smile and bond and drink. then go out to a club - no not a strip club, i mean had the rest of the crew wanted to do that fine, but to my great relief that was not part of the plan. no, a standard issue dancing club, playing old favorites from our wilder youth, boogying down in rapturous celebration of our friends passing into a new phase of life. great. by friday all plans fell into place. i found a great idea for scrapbooking on indiebride.com (thanks to pictsy for finding that site! most people know how cynical i am about weddings, but this site was pretty refreshing) and the snacks procured by traceracer did a body good. well, maybe not the tiny wieners wrapped in biscuits, but everything else was pretty healthy! we donned powerpuff girls temporary tattoos and the guest of honor drank boone's straight outta the bottle and a comfortable glibness was reached by all participants save the ones driving.
then... then we trek out to polly esther's in rockville. now i had never been to this club, so i don't know if this was a typical night. two floors, one seemed to be mostly contemporary stuff, hip-hop, justin timberlake, stuff i normally call a guilty pleasure. the other side was supposed to be 70s? or 80s? but mostly was incredibly long remixes of old classics like "wild thing". not than i mind that either, really. i can probably be convinced to dance to just about everything. i started (and ended) with a drink called a purple rain - i can probably be convinced to drink anything with grape kool-aid in it, too. so, we're all grooving. general harmless making fun and pestering of the bride-to-be commences. all's well. until we all decide to hit the dance floor.
which brings me to my question: has it always been typical of suburban club nightlife for strange men to feel like they can dance up next to you and rub their genital area on your hips or ass??? and then, when pushed away and given the head-shake of NO, to move in to a different angle and try again? or for men to feel that they can grope you at will? nearly every member of our party was involved in a feeling-up attempt, or what i would hereafter like to call harassment or assault. i can't seem to find the MD laws in a quick search, but the NY laws certainly state it is so (non consensual touching of a sexual area) and most publicly funded endeavors define it that way too. anyways, so, someone does that and you turn to them and say, "stop that", "no", or "get away from me", but then they do it again??? i have to say that by comparison, the "freaks" at every goth/industrial club i have ever been to have never made me feel as skeeved as i felt (and this was unanimous, unequivocal among the 11 women in our party) as i did at this club. if i went to clubs like this more often i would seriously consider making up an assault awareness pamphlet written with both men and women in mind to help them understand the definition of consent and ... well i just don't even know how to finish that thought. it might warrant a post to girly_action except i feel as though my energies would be wasted on people who don't want to hear it (the clubgoers, not the denizens of that fine community) and that my work would be better spent elsewhere.
i've talked to several people at work now, and each one has said, "well, that's just what you can expect if you go to a club." once again the onus is on the woman to "accept" this or "prevent" it. we also observed that if there was a guy nearby who demonstrated his propriety over you, that you were "safe" as it were. as maudallan compared, it was as if the alpha male of your pack had to scare off the beta males. dear virginia slims: "you've come a long way baby" is no longer an appropriate slogan, please rescind until further improvements are made. criminy.
that aside, (as difficult as that is to wave aside) i had a good time, and even managed to get out and dance unharassed to several guilty pleasure songs on the hip-hop side of the club (thanks maudallan for joining me!). if i can manage to find a club where i can expect not to be skeeved upon (or at least not skeeved upon in a way that involves touching my body without permission) that plays hot 99.5 music, i'd love to go. devil_panda, ima lookin at you. :) much thanks to the sober drivers! and congratulations to zarobi.
sunday was leisurely - ate pizza, read house of leaves, bizarrojack's parents stopped by and we chatted for a bit. later on hit the diner with the usual suspects. really, i am doing a lot of bitching, but i had a very good, very happy weekend.