a continuation
i know last entry was one long rant. and this one's gonna be too. dont say i didnt warn you.
im pissed how things are going here at home. my mom's always mad. if its not at me its at one of the four of us and im just so sick of it. i feel like the only time she ever talks to me is when shes telling me what to do, what i cant do, where to put this, what i need to do and what i havent done yet, what i never do, blah blah blah. and then she tells me that im unable to talk to her anymore. but im just so sick of that being our "conversation" everyday. id love to talk to her if we actually talked about stuff. but we dont. i know the rest of you are prlly like yea yea you two always fight. but i never get used to it. why should i? its not something i want or think i should get used to. i want to have a good relationship with my mother, and i think i usually do. but lately... for the past month or so it seems, we just havent been able to get along. i guess she thinks she cant talk to me since i always get aggravated when she does talk to me, since its always about the stuff i said earlier, but really its just cuz im sick of hearing about all that and i just want to be able to talk. ah. is that too much to ask? and my dad... i never see him anymore it seems. hes always working. he worked saturday and sunday too. he took me and melissa out to lunch on thursday which was really cool. and i was talking with him for a little while on friday and stuff. but i guess its just the past couple days. and like since he works so much, when he does come home all he sees is my mom in a bad mood, again, and that makes him pissed off and then he just avoids all of us completely and goes to bed at like 10pm. i feel really bad, cuz im sure he prolly feels like crap- i mean he works so hard so he can provide for the rest of us and then he cant even look forward to coming home. and thats really ashame. i dunno, i just hate it. i keep thinking that soon something will come up and the 6 of us will be able to be around each other and all be happy. but i feel like its too much of a reach for us. i mean we all want it, but we dont put in the effort to have it. like id think if we all just sat down and had a big talk itd get better, but we've done that before and it ends the same every time- i get stuck doing all the talking for us kids, and i say everything as maturely and nonoffensively as possible, and then mel and mike who are too young to grasp that concept end repeating everything i said but the rude way around, and my mom ends up getting upset, my dad ends up hiding from us again, and us siblings get mad at each other cuz we're unable to work together to get a point across.maybe when i leave things will get better overall in the house. i feel like i'm the problem 90% of the time, prlly cuz i am. im the one that doesnt put stuff away, im the one that always yells first, im the one who's always fighting for a later curfew or more freedom or whatever. so when im not here, my parents wont have to deal with that anymore and then anthony can have the car and can drive himself to his college chemistry class, philadelphia orchestra practice and all that other extra stuff he does.
then theres still the issue of me being bored. ive got some good ideas for fun plans in the makes but who knows if itll ever end up happening. thats always the major part of the issue. hung out with kay tonight and kyle last night. which was nice. nothing suupppppper exciting but its always nice to sit and talk with your close friends. i just wish i was working more, then id truly appreciate the down time i spent just chilling with people.
yea, and so then i went to best buy today cuz the manager i called yesterday told me the manager that hires people would be in today at 3... so i went in to talk to the guy and he goes "yea ive been needing to speak with you about your app but havent had the time." yea, thanks buddy. turns out he thinks itd be a waste of time to hire me cuz by the time im done training (which takes what? 5 shifts?) i'll be off to college. i was like are you serious? cuz my availability is like 40 hours a week... if theyre hiring i dont see why they wouldnt want someone thatd be there every day for 2 months straight. but whatever. so i applied at target. which is blah, i didnt wanna have to work there. but now im like praying they call cuz i need a job so incredibly badly. i also applied at circuit city. i hope they call. ive now worked 7 shifts at bertuccis and have accumulated about 26 hours. bull. shit.
on a happier note, i got my third letter from jason. its a page and a half long and is some of the sweetest stuff anyones ever said to me. that letter put a smile on my face for a good half hour today :) i cant wait to send him his letter cuz it has so many pictures and i think itll make him happy to finally get a letter from me. but he still hasnt given his address, which means he still hasnt started boot camp :(
im pissed how things are going here at home. my mom's always mad. if its not at me its at one of the four of us and im just so sick of it. i feel like the only time she ever talks to me is when shes telling me what to do, what i cant do, where to put this, what i need to do and what i havent done yet, what i never do, blah blah blah. and then she tells me that im unable to talk to her anymore. but im just so sick of that being our "conversation" everyday. id love to talk to her if we actually talked about stuff. but we dont. i know the rest of you are prlly like yea yea you two always fight. but i never get used to it. why should i? its not something i want or think i should get used to. i want to have a good relationship with my mother, and i think i usually do. but lately... for the past month or so it seems, we just havent been able to get along. i guess she thinks she cant talk to me since i always get aggravated when she does talk to me, since its always about the stuff i said earlier, but really its just cuz im sick of hearing about all that and i just want to be able to talk. ah. is that too much to ask? and my dad... i never see him anymore it seems. hes always working. he worked saturday and sunday too. he took me and melissa out to lunch on thursday which was really cool. and i was talking with him for a little while on friday and stuff. but i guess its just the past couple days. and like since he works so much, when he does come home all he sees is my mom in a bad mood, again, and that makes him pissed off and then he just avoids all of us completely and goes to bed at like 10pm. i feel really bad, cuz im sure he prolly feels like crap- i mean he works so hard so he can provide for the rest of us and then he cant even look forward to coming home. and thats really ashame. i dunno, i just hate it. i keep thinking that soon something will come up and the 6 of us will be able to be around each other and all be happy. but i feel like its too much of a reach for us. i mean we all want it, but we dont put in the effort to have it. like id think if we all just sat down and had a big talk itd get better, but we've done that before and it ends the same every time- i get stuck doing all the talking for us kids, and i say everything as maturely and nonoffensively as possible, and then mel and mike who are too young to grasp that concept end repeating everything i said but the rude way around, and my mom ends up getting upset, my dad ends up hiding from us again, and us siblings get mad at each other cuz we're unable to work together to get a point across.maybe when i leave things will get better overall in the house. i feel like i'm the problem 90% of the time, prlly cuz i am. im the one that doesnt put stuff away, im the one that always yells first, im the one who's always fighting for a later curfew or more freedom or whatever. so when im not here, my parents wont have to deal with that anymore and then anthony can have the car and can drive himself to his college chemistry class, philadelphia orchestra practice and all that other extra stuff he does.
then theres still the issue of me being bored. ive got some good ideas for fun plans in the makes but who knows if itll ever end up happening. thats always the major part of the issue. hung out with kay tonight and kyle last night. which was nice. nothing suupppppper exciting but its always nice to sit and talk with your close friends. i just wish i was working more, then id truly appreciate the down time i spent just chilling with people.
yea, and so then i went to best buy today cuz the manager i called yesterday told me the manager that hires people would be in today at 3... so i went in to talk to the guy and he goes "yea ive been needing to speak with you about your app but havent had the time." yea, thanks buddy. turns out he thinks itd be a waste of time to hire me cuz by the time im done training (which takes what? 5 shifts?) i'll be off to college. i was like are you serious? cuz my availability is like 40 hours a week... if theyre hiring i dont see why they wouldnt want someone thatd be there every day for 2 months straight. but whatever. so i applied at target. which is blah, i didnt wanna have to work there. but now im like praying they call cuz i need a job so incredibly badly. i also applied at circuit city. i hope they call. ive now worked 7 shifts at bertuccis and have accumulated about 26 hours. bull. shit.
on a happier note, i got my third letter from jason. its a page and a half long and is some of the sweetest stuff anyones ever said to me. that letter put a smile on my face for a good half hour today :) i cant wait to send him his letter cuz it has so many pictures and i think itll make him happy to finally get a letter from me. but he still hasnt given his address, which means he still hasnt started boot camp :(