Same Ol' Shit Different Day
I realize a lot about a lot of things. As i am here drunk, and alone, i realize that i'm not a good person. What's really bad is that there are a lot of people out there who are worse than me. For Example, I think i know someone who is really bad. I thought i was her recovery point and her help through a harsh break up. It turns out i don't know what i am. Recovery would mean she's leaving the other guy out, but she still depends on him and is occasionally having sex with him. This is where i lose myself. I don't need sex, but the thought that she can't depend on me kills me it really does. The fact that she still has to deal with this fuck instead of calling me makes me feel horrible, mainly because i'm superman or the incredible hulk. I really haven't decided which one i am. Honestly i want to save everyone like superman would, but the main point is that i care too much like the incredible hulk. Everyone knows the incredible hulk's weakness was women and i feel it is mine. I am so strong when it comes to being able to man up through everything or i can bring the anger and rage out and just destroy shit but the one thing that got the incredible hulk in the end was that he didn't want the girl he loved to see the rage that was in him. He wanted to be normal around them and show them that he loved them. He didn't want them to see this angered freak who couldn't control his temper when it came down to it. All he could do was destroy a fuckload of shit and yell because he was so pissed at his surroundings. The truth is love for them had nothing to do with it, it was because they were people who accepted him for being him. All i know is that i know a chick who confuses the fuck out of me, and i treat her like a goddess. The point is she makes me the incredible hulk because as much as i can control what i am, she is also the reason for me losing my temper. She may be the reason i drink a lot. I mean drink a lot as in, i just killed a pint in 48 min. because i was so angry. That and because i couldn't find tanning lotion or a tanning salon. Yes i'm going to start tanning. I just wish she knew what she wanted. I don't care if she wants me, but my point of support was she didn't want him. I really don't know why i play into the whole thing if she still wants him. They are the reason you turned to alcohol, they are the reason you judge yourself so hardly when it comes to women. All i got, is that i still care, and no alcohol has took that away. No time has took that away. I said that i can't figure out why time or alcohol hasn't changed my thoughts. What's sad is i can realize i'm an alcoholic, but i knew if i had a certain girl it wouldn't matter. And by that i mean, i wouldn't drink, because i love her enough that i would give it all up just to be with her. That and because she gives me that happy/numb feeling that i crave. I just wish she could clear her head and realize i'm the guy she's looking for. I'm the guy who will tell her the truth, the guy who will take a death blow for her just so she can live and survive. The incredible hulk that will throw a car off her after her car accident to save her life. I just wish certain people would realize that there are people to give everything they have to make there lives better. I told people that they can rely on me. And that's no joke. I believe i'm going to end up alone and by myself. But i really want to give someone that perfect relationship in my death or at least give them my life to save theirs. I guess that's all i got. I'm no hero, but you can't tell me that. I will forever be superman or the incredible hulk in my mind. I'm going to save someone and know that i can't be with them. Whether it be friendship, sex buddies, or lovers in general.