Follow-up to the last entry
As the last entry seemed to be very depressive and overall just a shitload of negativity towards oneself, i've decided to add on to that. I don't know if you call it intuition or what, but i think that posting had somekind of meaning to it. I let myself have it, and i guess i did so that this one wouldn't be so bad. I finally got my DUI. I'm not proud or announcing it seeking applause. No, i'm saying it because it was expected. Anyone who knew me and my habits of drinking knew i was due. I wasn't due because i'm drunk all the time, i was due because when i get drunk i enjoy driving. I don't enjoy the thought of killing someone or myself, i feel that i am always in control and even shitfaced i'm a better driver than 95 percent of the world. I don't know why i kept pushing my luck, maybe i needed proof that i wasn't better than everyone. I don't feel like i am one of those people who goes and says i'm better than everyone though. What's worse is losing ur license for 18 months. It already is causing some hassles. I have to get rides to and from work. Plus i got to get rides to school. Hopefully, i will be allowed a temporary license or whatever the fuck it's called in a month when i go back to court. This will allow me to go to work on my own power. Also, i had to drop a class because my grade wasn't going to get where it needed. I have seriously for the last 4 days just been telling myself to focus and start getting control of this. Because the anger, the drinking, the missing of school, etc. Everything is piling up and it just seems that everything is starting to slip and this is a very fucking bad time for shit to be slipping. With about 6 weeks of classes and work starting to have a fuckload of inventory, i couldn't have picked a worse time to fuck up. To make things worse my aunt, only family member near me, is moving out of evansville in approximately 8 days. My friends are going to show their true colors and not come hang very much because they'll have to drive to see me. I already have to cancel seeing my dad tomorrow for easter, which really sucks because my dad sees me like once a month, and now that i've lost my license, that probly is gone too. I just really hope nothing bad happens to him while i'm stuck being unable to go visit him. I don't think i'd ever live down the fact that i selfishly fucked up my life and prevented my dad from seeing his son one last time. It's not like he's circling the drain or anything, but i mean i will consistently lie to him on why i can't visit to try to keep the majority of my family from knowing i've gotten this DUI.