(no subject)
wow, has it been an interesting week. i fell out of love, fell in love, got rejected... all sorts of shit that i can't even begin to figure out.
shaun moved out today as of 11:00 am... never thought it would really happen but we're both happy with the decision. as you all know it has been a colorful and bumpy ride over the last year and it was just time to get off (the ride, you pervs). we broke things up considerably respectfully of each other with an agreed dylan schedule and everything. so, if anyone would like to hang out with me, i now have wednesday, thursday, and friday (as well as every other saturday) all to myself. throughout this entire thing i've realized that he is in fact the best friend i've ever had but that's not good enough for either one of us. so, single now. (but not by my choice. read on.)
i've treated my family like shit for about a month now and i have no idea why. i think i got tired of the reality with them so i just shut them off and acted like they aren't here. my mom has been bugging the shit out of me, though, so i'm finally taking a break from all of my relationship drama to think about her instead of myself for once. i do think some things she said were in fact exaggerated but most of it i do agree with. i got too comfortable in my own skin and turned into something i can't even describe. in the time that i have here to myself i think i'm going to start writing to myself at home and see where it went crazy and how i can fix it. although i think god is having fun getting back at me for doing it.
i met someone more amazing than anyone in my life. every struggle i've had with shaun and "other people" was cleared up with this one person... he's sexy like jeff, emotional like lee, compassionate like shaun, well-mannered like dennis, intelligent like brodie, and best of all, he liked me. he has my favorite qualities from all of my favorite people. only known him for less than two weeks but a very good friend told me that it's not a time factor, it's a feeling factor. you can get comfortable with someone in a matter of minutes if the feeling is right. the only problem is, people don't always get comfortable just because you are. i forgot the whole "just because you feel one way about someone doesn't mean they feel the same about you" theory. i don't really know what happened but something stopped clicking so here i am again. maybe things will fix themselves, maybe they won't. i haven't stopped thinking about him since i met him but i do think i'm going to stop bothering him. i want him to be happy... i can only hope that involves me.
i was hesitant to write about him because i didn't know how some of you would receive it, and then i realized that it doesn't really matter how you receive it. people who know me well enough know that i'm never that spontaneous with my whole heart and i know you have my back in trusting my decisions and being there for me. people who don't know me well will probably consider me some man-bouncing whore... and to those people, i kindly say 'fuck you'.
i miss all of my friends... i could really use the pohos right now. they always had a knack for making things okay... i don't think any friends have ever thought more highly of me than those do. i love you guys. :o(
case in point, i think i'm just proud of myself and more disappointed than ever all at the same time. i've lost touch with a lot of people, myself most importantly. it's going to be fun remembering who i used to be and trying to be her again. then maybe my heart won't sting so badly. there was a time when confidence was plentiful and bounceback was impeccable.
thank you to those of you who haven't forgotten about me. and thank you to that one who found me, regardless of what happens.
xoxo
shaun moved out today as of 11:00 am... never thought it would really happen but we're both happy with the decision. as you all know it has been a colorful and bumpy ride over the last year and it was just time to get off (the ride, you pervs). we broke things up considerably respectfully of each other with an agreed dylan schedule and everything. so, if anyone would like to hang out with me, i now have wednesday, thursday, and friday (as well as every other saturday) all to myself. throughout this entire thing i've realized that he is in fact the best friend i've ever had but that's not good enough for either one of us. so, single now. (but not by my choice. read on.)
i've treated my family like shit for about a month now and i have no idea why. i think i got tired of the reality with them so i just shut them off and acted like they aren't here. my mom has been bugging the shit out of me, though, so i'm finally taking a break from all of my relationship drama to think about her instead of myself for once. i do think some things she said were in fact exaggerated but most of it i do agree with. i got too comfortable in my own skin and turned into something i can't even describe. in the time that i have here to myself i think i'm going to start writing to myself at home and see where it went crazy and how i can fix it. although i think god is having fun getting back at me for doing it.
i met someone more amazing than anyone in my life. every struggle i've had with shaun and "other people" was cleared up with this one person... he's sexy like jeff, emotional like lee, compassionate like shaun, well-mannered like dennis, intelligent like brodie, and best of all, he liked me. he has my favorite qualities from all of my favorite people. only known him for less than two weeks but a very good friend told me that it's not a time factor, it's a feeling factor. you can get comfortable with someone in a matter of minutes if the feeling is right. the only problem is, people don't always get comfortable just because you are. i forgot the whole "just because you feel one way about someone doesn't mean they feel the same about you" theory. i don't really know what happened but something stopped clicking so here i am again. maybe things will fix themselves, maybe they won't. i haven't stopped thinking about him since i met him but i do think i'm going to stop bothering him. i want him to be happy... i can only hope that involves me.
i was hesitant to write about him because i didn't know how some of you would receive it, and then i realized that it doesn't really matter how you receive it. people who know me well enough know that i'm never that spontaneous with my whole heart and i know you have my back in trusting my decisions and being there for me. people who don't know me well will probably consider me some man-bouncing whore... and to those people, i kindly say 'fuck you'.
i miss all of my friends... i could really use the pohos right now. they always had a knack for making things okay... i don't think any friends have ever thought more highly of me than those do. i love you guys. :o(
case in point, i think i'm just proud of myself and more disappointed than ever all at the same time. i've lost touch with a lot of people, myself most importantly. it's going to be fun remembering who i used to be and trying to be her again. then maybe my heart won't sting so badly. there was a time when confidence was plentiful and bounceback was impeccable.
thank you to those of you who haven't forgotten about me. and thank you to that one who found me, regardless of what happens.
xoxo