(no subject)

[sngswtnghtngle]

figured i'd go ahead and update my last update as per relationship status: shaun and i had quite the heart-to-heart sunday night. the basic gist of it was that he is no longer in love with me, but wants to be, but doesn't know how or whether or not he has the ability to be. this was a bit surprising. i sometimes forget that how i feel about someone isn't always how they feel about me (and anytime i need a brutal reminder, i think of you, ian... no hard feelings :o) ), so of course, this caught me off-guard. usually when we have these talks he says, "i don't know what to say," or something to the extent of that. but he had plenty to say this time. a lot of it was really hard to hear but i'm really glad i did. we both ended up just crying, but it sorta made me happy because he was finally ready to open up and talk to me again. so, here we are, trying to fix things one good last time, but the difference is we're trying to fix them together.
i do feel bad, however... this makes a certain someone very unhappy and scared of his future. i really don't know what to say without seeming like i'm leading him on or something. all i know to tell myself is 'what will be, will be'. doris day knew what she was talking about. if we are absolutely meant to be together, then we'll be together. if we're not, then we have the experience of being a huge part of each other's lives at some time, and i personally am honored to have that. people can't help where their hearts are.
que sera, sera.