i've lost my direction where do i turn

[sngrprincess]

so i was reading my old entries and i came across this...sad to read:

"So this weekend was probably the best weekend I've had in a long long long time. I feel all these crazy emotions that are new to me........ haha trust for one. Its kinda sad how its taken me so many years to trust someone. But its hard to not trust someone when they give you no reason not to. :-/

I feel so awake but I'm not. its so weird. haha i was actually having hallucinations today im pretty sure cuz I probably got like seven hours of sleep this weekend total haha.or maybe i fell asleep with my eyes open. I wouldn't change anything for the world tho. Besides, sleep and me just dont like eachother.

yaaaaaa i dont even know why im updating my journal when everything is indescribable. I guess I'm finally happy or not happy but happy with something in my life. Its a really scary feeling and i like it but i dont because I'm so scared of not being good enough. Idk. I'm an idiot and I'm gona stop rambling"

ya i was at the hospital today for a long time and now my body is like deteriorating..its great.