Fifty-one hours - Chapter ten
Title: Fifty-one hours
Chapter: 10 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: Thank you Wenchpixie for the very speedy beta and you’re ever-helpful comments! Thank you also to jdsampson for helping us tighten up the chapter and get rid of our ‘aussieisms’.
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx Seven xXx Eight xXx Nine xXx
AN from snfan3: So here we are, both of us in the same city…god help you all! LOL. I’m visiting Z and her hometown, but so far all I’ve seen is her computer! :p Hope you girls and guys enjoy the chapter. Thank you for all the wonderful comments so far, we love hearing from you each week - we feel like we know you! ♥
Jensen sat comfortably in the large armchair of Victoria Sheffield’s office as he took in the details of the room. For a shrink’s place it was surprisingly homey. There was no intimidating desk or reclined black ‘session’ chair like in the movies. Instead it seemed more like a living room with its deep blue couch and armchairs, bookshelf with everything from Doctor Seus to textbooks and a brightly decorated corner filled with toys.
He relaxed into the silence she was allowing him and reflected on his thoughts. He’d just finished recounting his past relationship with Tania and was only now realizing exactly how messed up that had become towards the end. He silently marveled at the huge difference just two weeks of sessions with Vicky had made to his way of thinking.
“And what about now? Are you seeing anyone?”
Jensen shrugged as he quietly looked out her window, running the question through his head again.
“Jensen? Is there some reason you don’t want to answer the question?”
“No,” he said, sounding a little spacey even to himself. “No, it’s not that,” he said more firmly. “It’s just that I’m not really sure.”
“You don’t know if you like this person?”
“Oh, I like him,” he said, pulling his eyes back to meet Victoria. “But I’m but not sure if you’d define us as seeing each other. I mean, I see him all the time, but that’s not what…” He trailed off, realizing that he was starting to ramble.
“Okay good, so we know you like him. Do you feel that you’re ready to enter into a relationship with him?”
Jensen pondered the question quietly.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she encouraged.
“Yeah, guess that’s kinda why I’m here, right?” he joked.
“Yeah, kinda.,” Vicky grinned.
After another pause, Jensen sighed softly and gathered up his thoughts. “It’s not that I don’t want to take things further with him, I do. It’s just that, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure if I’m ready… I don’t want to freak out on him again and scare him off.” He paused, steeling himself to admit the truth that scared him the most.
“And I guess I worry that maybe he doesn’t want to take it any further.”
“You’re worried that he doesn’t feel the same?”
“No! I know he cares… I just.” Jensen shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose I’m worried about that too. I don’t want him to feel like he has to do this or something…”
“Has he ever given you a reason to believe he’s with you through some kind of obligation?”
Jensen shook his head as a small thrill raced down his spine. No, he really hasn’t
“And this man you’re seeing, can I assume that it’s Jared?”
Jensen jumped a little at her conclusion, but quickly realized he’d discussed Jared and his help so much in his sessions that it must have been fairly obvious. “Yeah.” He grinned, “It’s Jared.”
Vicky nodded with a small smile of her own. “From what you’ve told me, I can see he makes you happy and that you feel safe with him. But it seems to me like it’s not your feelings holding you back. Would you agree?”
Jensen tensed at what she was implying. “Jared likes me. He does, I don’t know why you would think that he doesn’t have feelings for me,” he growled, suddenly feeling defensive
“No Jensen, you misunderstood me. I wasn’t questioning Jared’s feelings for you,” she assured. “I actually meant that I think you’re holding back because you’re worried about hurting him.”
“Well I did almost kill him you know!” he snapped, fear tumbling through him as memories of that night flashed through his mind.
“I know you fired a gun at him thinking he was a stranger who had broken into your home,” Victoria conceded. “But the kind of hurt I’m talking about is emotional, not physical.”
She let the statement hang in the air, seemingly able to sense the turmoil that her comment had caused him. Well, I suppose that is her job he thought dryly.
“Yes,” he quietly admitted as he dropped his head and stared the floor in front of him. “He’s not just my best friend anymore and I couldn’t stand it if I hurt him again. He’s done so much for me and I…” he trailed off, honestly unsure of where his thought was going.
“I just don’t want to hurt him,” he repeated firmly, bringing his eyes back up to meet Victoria’s.
“Jensen, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again. You have to trust yourself and you have to listen to yourself, listen to what you’re feeling. It’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to express that. You have to let the people in your life know how you’re feeling and not bottle it all up inside until you can’t cope anymore.”
“I know,” he sighed. “You’re right, it’s just not easy.”
Victoria smiled. “Well if it was easy, I wouldn’t have a job,” she quipped light-heartedly.
Jensen grinned at her comment. “Yeah thanks Vicky, you make me feel so much better.” It was times like this that he was sorry he hadn’t met Vicky outside of counseling. She had a good sense of humor and he thought she would have been a great friend.
“I have a suggestion I’d like you to think over before our next session,” she said, serious now. “I’d like you to consider asking Jared to come with you to see me.”
Jensen raised his eyebrows in surprise at the request.
“A lot of what you’re dealing with centers around relationships,” she continued. “I believe that it would be very beneficial if he could be here to discuss that with you. That way you can face the hard topics with a little help and guidance from me.” She looked earnestly at him, obviously willing him to take the suggestion seriously.
“Yeah okay, I’ll think about that. Though I know he won’t be able to make it to our next session, he’ll be onset shooting while I’m here.”
Vicky smiled again, “That’s fine, I’m only asking that you think about my suggestion and ask him to come with you if you feel comfortable with it. And if you decide not to, we’ll discuss it next session okay?”
“You’re a slave driver you know that?” he joked, “I never signed up to you giving me homework.”
She laughed at him then grew serious once more. “Now, since you’ve avoided the topic all session, I’m going to guess that you haven’t called up about the results of your HIV test yet?” she asked firmly, though not unkindly.
Jensen stilled. Fuck! he had hopped that she would leave this subject alone at least until his next session.
Anxiety curled slowly in his gut. This was a topic he didn’t want to deal with, because god what if he’d tested positive! “I can’t…” he choked out, breath hitching as his pulse sped up.
“Yes you can,” she encouraged softly. “You can do it right now and I’ll be here to help you cope with whatever the result says.”
Jensen’s eyes widened at the prospect of making the phone call right now. He shook his head, mutely protesting her suggestion.
“Jensen,” she sighed softly. “This is something which you have to face and I know you have the strength to do it. You’ve already come such a long way in our sessions that I hardly recognize you, but I can see that you’re letting this get to you.” She shifted forward in her seat. “I can see the stress this is causing you and believe me, not knowing will be much harder on you in the long run.”
Jensen startled as she rose from her chair and quickly moved to sit next to him on the couch, phone in hand.
He shook his head again, eyes resolutely fixed on his knees in an attempt to hold himself together Oh god. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t cope with this
Moving the phone into his line of sight, she spoke again. “It’s your choice, Jensen. I won’t force you to do this, but you’ve put it off long enough and I want you to know that I think you’re ready to deal with this.”
Scenarios of ‘what if’ flooded through Jensen’s mind as he considered biting the bullet and taking the phone from her hand.
“I’m here with you and I am available for the rest of the day, so you can stay for as long as you need.”
Jensen nodded, knowing that he would have to face this eventually. Taking a shaky breath, he raised his eyes to meet hers.
“Okay,” he whispered, heart attempting to thump its way out of his chest.
Tentatively taking the phone, he dialed the numbers which had been burned into his mind from the moment the doctor had handed him his information sheet two weeks ago.
“Thank you for calling ZenLab results. Please enter your individual identification code and press the star key to collect your results.” A generic voice sounded in his ear.
Punching in the code, Jensen closed his eyes, steeling himself for what he was about to hea
A single tear rolled down his cheek as Jensen unsteadily pressed the ‘end’ button and let the phone drop to the couch next to him.
“Jensen?” Victoria asked quietly, concern evident in her voice.
Not even considering the formalities of a doctor/patient relationship, Jensen launched himself into Vicky’s arms, burying his face in her neck as a sob escaped his chest.
Firm arms wrapped around his back, holding him tightly. “I’m so sorry Jensen,” she whispered. “Don’t worry, you’ll get through this.”
Jensen tensed at the comment and pulled back from her embrace. Get through this? Jensen shook his head, words continuing to fail him.
“Yes,” she insisted. “You can…”
“No,” Jensen interrupted. “You don’t understand. It was negative, it said the test was negative,” he breathed, still completely overwhelmed by the news.
Victoria’s face broke into a huge smile as she flopped back on the couch with a laugh. “That’s wonderful, Jensen. I’m really happy for you.”
Hearing Victoria’s laugh, something seemed to burst inside his chest and a laugh rumbled up inside of him. “Oh god, I can’t even believe how much better I feel already.” He grinned, a genuine smile filling his face as he too relaxed back into the couch, but no sooner than he had leaned back, he jumped up with a gasp.
“Jensen?” Victoria questioned with worry in her voice.
Wide eyed, he turned to look at her and flashed another grin “I have to go! I have to tell Jared!”
Comprehension crossed Victoria’s face, but Jensen had already started to turn and head for the door. “Thanks doc!” Jensen called over his shoulder as he ran out of the office and headed for his car.
oooOOOooo
Jensen smiled as he entered his apartment and was greeted with the sound of Jared and Mackenzie chatting in the kitchen. The comfort of the noise filled his already bursting heart with even more happiness.
“Please tell me that that’s Jared’s cooking I can smell,” he called out as he entered the kitchen. “Cause I’d actually like to eat tonight.”
Mackenzie smacked him across the arm. “My cooking is not that bad JR!” she screeched, though he could tell she wasn’t really offended.
“Yes Mac, you can cook,” he conceded. “But the only thing you can cook well is breakfast foods, so unless we’re having bacon and eggs for dinner I think I’ll stick with my original statement.” He continued to smile, something which he’d been doing since leaving Victoria’s office.
Jared chuckled from his place by the stove and turned to give him a quick kiss on the cheek as Jensen moved to inspect the food. “It’s pasta with chicken and a white sauce,” Jared informed him as he turned his attention back to stirring.
Jensen sighed happily as he leaned against his friend. He really enjoyed the comfort of being able to freely touch Jared while they were at home and Mac had been great about it. Hell, she’d been encouraging it!
“What are you grinning about?” Mackenzie asked suspiciously, moving closer to Jensen as Jared turned next to him and peered curiously at him.
“Igotmyresults,” he breathed, the words tumbling out in quick succession.
“You…” Jared stilled, seemingly uncertain about what was just said.
Looking between them, Jensen spoke again. “It was negative. I got my results for the HIV test and it was negative,” he announced proudly.
Mackenzie squealed as she rushed across the kitchen and jumped onto him. Jensen grunted and caught his not so little anymore sister just before he was knocked into again, this time from the side by an ecstatic Jared.
Jensen didn’t know how long they stood in the kitchen, a tangle of limbs, but he didn’t really care because at that moment he felt safer and happier that he had been in months. After more laughter and conversations of happiness, Jared and Mackenzie finally stepped back from him, though Jensen noticed that Jared’s hand lingered on his shoulder. “Well, with that wonderful news, I have to get going,” Mac said as she held her hand out expectantly for Jensen’s car keys.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Just be careful… the roads are supposed to be icy later tonight,” he warned.
“Yeah, about that…” Mac hedged. “So Brad and I were thinking about spending the night at the hotel near the restaurant… you won’t need your car tomorrow will you?” she asked innocently.
Jensen raised his eyebrows at the request, then narrowed his eyes at his ‘innocent’ little sister. “And just how long exactly have you been planning on spending the night with him?” he asked, though truth be told he felt too damn happy to give her too much of a hard time.
“JR, you’re my brother, not my dad,” she warned. “I’ve been dating Brad for eight months and he’s already met mom and dad. Besides, I haven’t seen him in two weeks, and since he’s flown up to visit me I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I borrow the car so that I can spend the night with him.”
Jensen held his hands up in surrender. “Chill Mac, you can have the car,” he conceded. “Just make sure he treats you right and if you need anything just call.”
Mackenzie smiled at his concern, then wrapped him in another quick hug before heading for the door. “Bye! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she called as she hurried from the house. “And say hi to mom and dad for me!”
Jared laughed as he turned back to his forgotten dinner. “Go,” he encouraged. “Call your folks. You know they wanted the results as soon as you had them.”
Pressing a kiss to Jared’s cheek, he turned and headed to the living room to find his phone and share the news with the rest of his family.
oooOOOooo
Jensen let out a contented groan as he settled into his couch and took a drink of the beer Jared had just handed him.
“That was some seriously good food, Jay. I think I should put you in charge of all the cooking from now on.”
Jared scoffed at the compliment. “Don’t expect me to don an apron and start playing house or nothing,” he grumbled good naturedly as he sank further down into the seat and let his leg rest firmly against Jensen’s.
“I don’t know, Jay. I think you’d look good in a frilly little apron,” Jensen joked.
Jared growled and set his beer down quickly, leaning into Jensen’s neck and giving him a gentle bite before kissing his way up to Jensen’s jaw. “I don’t do girly,” he breathed before he leaned in and sucked Jensen’s bottom lip into his mouth.
“But you wear pink,” Jensen retorted, leaning back in and letting his tongue explore Jared’s mouth.
Any comeback Jared might have had was lost as Jensen deepened the kiss and pushed Jared back on the couch, allowing his body to follow so that he settled comfortably on top of Jared’s lanky form.
This was all they’d done so far. Kissing and what would generally be considered groping, but they’d never taken it past removing their shirts and this time Jensen was ready to take it further.
He pulled Jared’s top off over his head, then quickly removed his own before trailing a line of kisses down Jared’s stomach, finally stopping to let his tongue explore the firm bellybutton now in front of his face.
Jared chuckled and tugged on Jensen’s hair gently, encouraging him to move back up to where he could reach him. With a small growl, Jensen laved his way back to towards Jared’s waiting lips, detouring when he remembered the whimper he’d managed to elicit the last time he’d played with Jared’s nipples.
Nipping gently, Jensen sucked on Jared’s left nipple while bringing his hand up to pinch the right. Sure enough, after only a few seconds of attention, he’d achieved his goal. Jared let out the most endearing whimper he’d ever heard.
Hardening at the sound, he ground his hips into Jared’s and moved to capture his lips once more. “Want you Jay,” he hissed as Jared pushed his own hips back up, his erection pushing against Jensen’s. “God, I want this so much,” Jensen confessed.
Jared paused and pulled back to look him in the eye. Jensen froze as his worst fear played out Oh my god, he doesn’t want me.
Jared continued to stare and Jensen began to pull away as he felt heat creep up his neck while an icy knot settled in his chest.
“You’ve got me,” Jared whispered, his fingers briefly tightening on Jensen’s shoulders.
Jensen blinked. Did he just....
Jensen meant to yell at Jared. He meant to give Jared hell for scaring the life out of him…and he would have…if he hadn’t been too busy attacking his soft lips once more.
“Jared,” he groaned, but that was all he could manage. Suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted to do.
With a quick jerk, Jensen flicked open the button on Jared’s jeans and pushed his hand inside, grasping Jared’s straining length. Jared arched into the touch with pleasure.
Jensen swallowed Jared’s next sound as he gave a gentle squeeze and pulled his fist towards the tip of Jared’s cock.
He pulled back slowly and took in the sight of Jared sprawled below him, eyes glinting and pupils blown with desire.
“So beautiful,” he murmured as he shifted and let his eyes follow the flowing path his fingers were making as they slowly circled down Jared’s chest.
“Are you sure?” Jensen asked, once again meeting his friends glittering gaze.
“More than anything Jen,” Jared affirmed, bringing up his huge palm to cup Jensen’s face, thumb stroking softly along his cheek. “Are you sure you’re ready?” His gaze held no ultimatum and Jensen could tell he would accept either answer.
“Yeah.” He swallowed anxiously. “Yeah, I’m ready. I trust you.” With that, he reached down once more and carefully pulled out Jared’s pulsing cock.
After another tentative pull, he leaned down and licked from base to tip, taking in the pearly drop of precum which glistened on the head. Glancing up quickly, he was encouraged by the look of bliss which had crossed his friend’s, lover’s, face.
Keeping his gaze fixed on Jared, he flicked out his tongue and swirled it around the head slowly. Jared’s hard on jumped in response and Jensen couldn’t help but smile as he lowered his head and slowly sucked in as much as he could, letting his fingers wrap around the rest of Jared’s considerable length.
Another new sound erupted from Jared’s mouth, this one more like a growl and moan in one. Locking it away in his memory, Jensen promised himself that he’d find it again. Pulling his head back and then pushing forward, Jensen found a rhythm and began to bob, swirling and swiping his tongue over the head with each rise.
“Jen, Jen…so good, don’t stop,” Jared panted as he squirmed under Jensen’s touches and pumped his hips up into the warmth of Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen brought one hand up to fondle Jared’s balls and slipped the other into his own pants. Feeling Jared’s balls pull up tight he heard a strangled gasp just as Jared’s long fingers ran through his hair.
Hollowing his cheeks and sucking, Jensen felt his body zinging with pleasure, his own orgasm building inside and heat rippling through him.
With a final whimper, Jared exploded in his mouth; the taste bitter and salty, yet so Jared that Jensen was instantly addicted. Pumping his own throbbing erection, Jensen continued to suck Jared down until white danced behind his eyes as he exploded with pleasure.
Moving his attention to Jared’s hip, he continued to taste his friend until Jared finally came back to himself and lifted Jensen’s head.
“Hey,” he rasped, voice thick with lust. “Come here,” he said, tugging at Jensen’s shoulders. With energy Jensen didn’t know Jared possessed, he flipped them over so that he now pinned Jensen to the sofa. Jensen surprised himself when he didn’t flinch at his now vulnerable position. He really did trust Jared.
After another deep kiss, Jared slipped down Jensen’s body and reached for his now spent cock. “No need,” Jensen murmured as Jared’s hand finally found its target.
Jensen watched as surprise crossed Jared’s face, quickly followed by understanding and then disappointment.
“Dude,” Jensen chuckled. “Don’t pout. It means it was good.”
“Yeah, but I wanted to…” Jared trailed off, seemingly unable to say what it was he’d planned.
“Jare, if you can’t say it then you’re too young to do it,” Jensen joked, pulling him back up onto his chest.
Jared shrugged, then lifted his head; eyes glinting with mischief. He kissed Jensen deeply then pulled back and jumped off the couch.
“Come on,” he urged, tugging on Jensen’s arm. “This couch is too small.”
Jensen looked at his friend curiously.
“We’re going to bed,” Jared said firmly. “And there, I’m gonna have my turn,” he grinned, apparently pleased with his plan.
Jensen felt himself stir once more and returned the grin. “Yeah, I think I like that plan.” Wrapping his arms around Jared, he kissed him passionately and began to pull them towards the bedroom.
“I like that plan a lot.”
oooOOOooo
“Dude.” Jensen smacked the top of Jared’s knee. “Will you just relax.”
It had been a week since they had furthered their physical relationship. Jensen smiled as he remembered Jared’s mouth wrapped around his cock. They were on their way to the studio, Jensen was driving, and it was obvious he was still in a great mood.
“It’s okay for you to be all confident; you’re a great actor, but…” Jared mumbled.
Jensen glanced at him, clearly not impressed by his last statement. “What’s that suppose to mean?”
“Nothing,” Jared said sheepishly. He knew what Jensen was thinking. That he was a good actor too and that he just had to let it happen, relax and do it.
They were filming some real emotional stuff between the brothers today, and Kripke had even seen fit to give them their scripts earlier than usual. “We need to get these scenes right,” he had said.
They pulled into the parking lot; it was barely 5am and only the setup crew was around. “That’s why we’re here so early, Jay, so we and I can go through the scenes on set. That way you can pull it out when the camera rolls,” he said as he got out of his car.
“Easier said…” Jared started.
Grabbing Jared by the arm he turned him around to face him. “What’s this about man? I’ve never known you to be this jittery about a goddamned scene before. If I didn’t know better I’d say…”
Jared blushed slightly, pulling away from Jensen’s grip, acutely aware Jensen had figured it out. “Is that what it’s all about, Jay?” Jensen narrowed his eyes.
“Well…” Jared cringed under the intensity of Jensen’s stare. “I guess… yeah.”
“Dude,” Jensen sounded frustrated. “Nothing’s changed.”
“Nothing’s changed?” Jared eyes rolled as he started walking towards the studio. “How can you say that man? Everything’s changed.”
“How?” Jensen said as he caught up to walk beside him. He really couldn’t understand Jared’s distress.
“Well it’s not like I suck my co-stars dick every day, or let him suck mine.” Jared couldn’t help but blush now that he’d actually said it out loud.
“Wait.” Jensen put his hand on the younger mans shoulder, bringing him to a stop. “So, let me get this right. Because we...well, you know.” Jensen waved his hand between them. “Because we did that you think you can’t play Sam right anymore?”
Jared turned his face away, trying to find the words. “You don’t understand,” was all he could think to say.
“You’re damned right I don’t understand, Jay, explain it to me!” There was heat in his words this time.
Jared sighed loudly and began to walk away, reaching the sliding doors of the studio before he heard Jensen again.
“Jay?”
“Forget it.” Jared threw over his shoulder as he walked in.
TBC…
AN: Sorry about the cliffhanger... well actually, we’re not really, it’s just our way of making sure you tune in next week! LOL. Please let us know what you thought - reviews always inspire us to write more! :D
onto Chapter Eleven...
Chapter: 10 / ?
Author: snfan3 and Zenamydog
Rating: NC-17
Fandom: Supernatural/Real
Characters/Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: M/M sex, Non con, Violence, Spoilers only for episodes already aired in U.S.
Beta: Thank you Wenchpixie for the very speedy beta and you’re ever-helpful comments! Thank you also to jdsampson for helping us tighten up the chapter and get rid of our ‘aussieisms’.
Feedback: Most definitely!
Disclaimer: Official Disclaimer here...We don’t own them, but they sure as hell own us!
Summary: After Jensen gets kidnapped, both he and Jared struggle to come to terms with the aftermath.
Cross-posted like stupid; padacklesrps, super_real, supernaturalfic, cw_rps, sn_fic jensenslash
Previous Chapters: xXx One xXx Two xXx Three xXx Four xXx Five xXx Six xXx Seven xXx Eight xXx Nine xXx
AN from snfan3: So here we are, both of us in the same city…god help you all! LOL. I’m visiting Z and her hometown, but so far all I’ve seen is her computer! :p Hope you girls and guys enjoy the chapter. Thank you for all the wonderful comments so far, we love hearing from you each week - we feel like we know you! ♥
Jensen sat comfortably in the large armchair of Victoria Sheffield’s office as he took in the details of the room. For a shrink’s place it was surprisingly homey. There was no intimidating desk or reclined black ‘session’ chair like in the movies. Instead it seemed more like a living room with its deep blue couch and armchairs, bookshelf with everything from Doctor Seus to textbooks and a brightly decorated corner filled with toys.
He relaxed into the silence she was allowing him and reflected on his thoughts. He’d just finished recounting his past relationship with Tania and was only now realizing exactly how messed up that had become towards the end. He silently marveled at the huge difference just two weeks of sessions with Vicky had made to his way of thinking.
“And what about now? Are you seeing anyone?”
Jensen shrugged as he quietly looked out her window, running the question through his head again.
“Jensen? Is there some reason you don’t want to answer the question?”
“No,” he said, sounding a little spacey even to himself. “No, it’s not that,” he said more firmly. “It’s just that I’m not really sure.”
“You don’t know if you like this person?”
“Oh, I like him,” he said, pulling his eyes back to meet Victoria. “But I’m but not sure if you’d define us as seeing each other. I mean, I see him all the time, but that’s not what…” He trailed off, realizing that he was starting to ramble.
“Okay good, so we know you like him. Do you feel that you’re ready to enter into a relationship with him?”
Jensen pondered the question quietly.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” she encouraged.
“Yeah, guess that’s kinda why I’m here, right?” he joked.
“Yeah, kinda.,” Vicky grinned.
After another pause, Jensen sighed softly and gathered up his thoughts. “It’s not that I don’t want to take things further with him, I do. It’s just that, I’ve never done this before and I’m not sure if I’m ready… I don’t want to freak out on him again and scare him off.” He paused, steeling himself to admit the truth that scared him the most.
“And I guess I worry that maybe he doesn’t want to take it any further.”
“You’re worried that he doesn’t feel the same?”
“No! I know he cares… I just.” Jensen shrugged. “Yeah, I suppose I’m worried about that too. I don’t want him to feel like he has to do this or something…”
“Has he ever given you a reason to believe he’s with you through some kind of obligation?”
Jensen shook his head as a small thrill raced down his spine. No, he really hasn’t
“And this man you’re seeing, can I assume that it’s Jared?”
Jensen jumped a little at her conclusion, but quickly realized he’d discussed Jared and his help so much in his sessions that it must have been fairly obvious. “Yeah.” He grinned, “It’s Jared.”
Vicky nodded with a small smile of her own. “From what you’ve told me, I can see he makes you happy and that you feel safe with him. But it seems to me like it’s not your feelings holding you back. Would you agree?”
Jensen tensed at what she was implying. “Jared likes me. He does, I don’t know why you would think that he doesn’t have feelings for me,” he growled, suddenly feeling defensive
“No Jensen, you misunderstood me. I wasn’t questioning Jared’s feelings for you,” she assured. “I actually meant that I think you’re holding back because you’re worried about hurting him.”
“Well I did almost kill him you know!” he snapped, fear tumbling through him as memories of that night flashed through his mind.
“I know you fired a gun at him thinking he was a stranger who had broken into your home,” Victoria conceded. “But the kind of hurt I’m talking about is emotional, not physical.”
She let the statement hang in the air, seemingly able to sense the turmoil that her comment had caused him. Well, I suppose that is her job he thought dryly.
“Yes,” he quietly admitted as he dropped his head and stared the floor in front of him. “He’s not just my best friend anymore and I couldn’t stand it if I hurt him again. He’s done so much for me and I…” he trailed off, honestly unsure of where his thought was going.
“I just don’t want to hurt him,” he repeated firmly, bringing his eyes back up to meet Victoria’s.
“Jensen, I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to say it again. You have to trust yourself and you have to listen to yourself, listen to what you’re feeling. It’s okay to be scared and it’s okay to express that. You have to let the people in your life know how you’re feeling and not bottle it all up inside until you can’t cope anymore.”
“I know,” he sighed. “You’re right, it’s just not easy.”
Victoria smiled. “Well if it was easy, I wouldn’t have a job,” she quipped light-heartedly.
Jensen grinned at her comment. “Yeah thanks Vicky, you make me feel so much better.” It was times like this that he was sorry he hadn’t met Vicky outside of counseling. She had a good sense of humor and he thought she would have been a great friend.
“I have a suggestion I’d like you to think over before our next session,” she said, serious now. “I’d like you to consider asking Jared to come with you to see me.”
Jensen raised his eyebrows in surprise at the request.
“A lot of what you’re dealing with centers around relationships,” she continued. “I believe that it would be very beneficial if he could be here to discuss that with you. That way you can face the hard topics with a little help and guidance from me.” She looked earnestly at him, obviously willing him to take the suggestion seriously.
“Yeah okay, I’ll think about that. Though I know he won’t be able to make it to our next session, he’ll be onset shooting while I’m here.”
Vicky smiled again, “That’s fine, I’m only asking that you think about my suggestion and ask him to come with you if you feel comfortable with it. And if you decide not to, we’ll discuss it next session okay?”
“You’re a slave driver you know that?” he joked, “I never signed up to you giving me homework.”
She laughed at him then grew serious once more. “Now, since you’ve avoided the topic all session, I’m going to guess that you haven’t called up about the results of your HIV test yet?” she asked firmly, though not unkindly.
Jensen stilled. Fuck! he had hopped that she would leave this subject alone at least until his next session.
Anxiety curled slowly in his gut. This was a topic he didn’t want to deal with, because god what if he’d tested positive! “I can’t…” he choked out, breath hitching as his pulse sped up.
“Yes you can,” she encouraged softly. “You can do it right now and I’ll be here to help you cope with whatever the result says.”
Jensen’s eyes widened at the prospect of making the phone call right now. He shook his head, mutely protesting her suggestion.
“Jensen,” she sighed softly. “This is something which you have to face and I know you have the strength to do it. You’ve already come such a long way in our sessions that I hardly recognize you, but I can see that you’re letting this get to you.” She shifted forward in her seat. “I can see the stress this is causing you and believe me, not knowing will be much harder on you in the long run.”
Jensen startled as she rose from her chair and quickly moved to sit next to him on the couch, phone in hand.
He shook his head again, eyes resolutely fixed on his knees in an attempt to hold himself together Oh god. He couldn’t do this, he couldn’t cope with this
Moving the phone into his line of sight, she spoke again. “It’s your choice, Jensen. I won’t force you to do this, but you’ve put it off long enough and I want you to know that I think you’re ready to deal with this.”
Scenarios of ‘what if’ flooded through Jensen’s mind as he considered biting the bullet and taking the phone from her hand.
“I’m here with you and I am available for the rest of the day, so you can stay for as long as you need.”
Jensen nodded, knowing that he would have to face this eventually. Taking a shaky breath, he raised his eyes to meet hers.
“Okay,” he whispered, heart attempting to thump its way out of his chest.
Tentatively taking the phone, he dialed the numbers which had been burned into his mind from the moment the doctor had handed him his information sheet two weeks ago.
“Thank you for calling ZenLab results. Please enter your individual identification code and press the star key to collect your results.” A generic voice sounded in his ear.
Punching in the code, Jensen closed his eyes, steeling himself for what he was about to hea
A single tear rolled down his cheek as Jensen unsteadily pressed the ‘end’ button and let the phone drop to the couch next to him.
“Jensen?” Victoria asked quietly, concern evident in her voice.
Not even considering the formalities of a doctor/patient relationship, Jensen launched himself into Vicky’s arms, burying his face in her neck as a sob escaped his chest.
Firm arms wrapped around his back, holding him tightly. “I’m so sorry Jensen,” she whispered. “Don’t worry, you’ll get through this.”
Jensen tensed at the comment and pulled back from her embrace. Get through this? Jensen shook his head, words continuing to fail him.
“Yes,” she insisted. “You can…”
“No,” Jensen interrupted. “You don’t understand. It was negative, it said the test was negative,” he breathed, still completely overwhelmed by the news.
Victoria’s face broke into a huge smile as she flopped back on the couch with a laugh. “That’s wonderful, Jensen. I’m really happy for you.”
Hearing Victoria’s laugh, something seemed to burst inside his chest and a laugh rumbled up inside of him. “Oh god, I can’t even believe how much better I feel already.” He grinned, a genuine smile filling his face as he too relaxed back into the couch, but no sooner than he had leaned back, he jumped up with a gasp.
“Jensen?” Victoria questioned with worry in her voice.
Wide eyed, he turned to look at her and flashed another grin “I have to go! I have to tell Jared!”
Comprehension crossed Victoria’s face, but Jensen had already started to turn and head for the door. “Thanks doc!” Jensen called over his shoulder as he ran out of the office and headed for his car.
oooOOOooo
Jensen smiled as he entered his apartment and was greeted with the sound of Jared and Mackenzie chatting in the kitchen. The comfort of the noise filled his already bursting heart with even more happiness.
“Please tell me that that’s Jared’s cooking I can smell,” he called out as he entered the kitchen. “Cause I’d actually like to eat tonight.”
Mackenzie smacked him across the arm. “My cooking is not that bad JR!” she screeched, though he could tell she wasn’t really offended.
“Yes Mac, you can cook,” he conceded. “But the only thing you can cook well is breakfast foods, so unless we’re having bacon and eggs for dinner I think I’ll stick with my original statement.” He continued to smile, something which he’d been doing since leaving Victoria’s office.
Jared chuckled from his place by the stove and turned to give him a quick kiss on the cheek as Jensen moved to inspect the food. “It’s pasta with chicken and a white sauce,” Jared informed him as he turned his attention back to stirring.
Jensen sighed happily as he leaned against his friend. He really enjoyed the comfort of being able to freely touch Jared while they were at home and Mac had been great about it. Hell, she’d been encouraging it!
“What are you grinning about?” Mackenzie asked suspiciously, moving closer to Jensen as Jared turned next to him and peered curiously at him.
“Igotmyresults,” he breathed, the words tumbling out in quick succession.
“You…” Jared stilled, seemingly uncertain about what was just said.
Looking between them, Jensen spoke again. “It was negative. I got my results for the HIV test and it was negative,” he announced proudly.
Mackenzie squealed as she rushed across the kitchen and jumped onto him. Jensen grunted and caught his not so little anymore sister just before he was knocked into again, this time from the side by an ecstatic Jared.
Jensen didn’t know how long they stood in the kitchen, a tangle of limbs, but he didn’t really care because at that moment he felt safer and happier that he had been in months. After more laughter and conversations of happiness, Jared and Mackenzie finally stepped back from him, though Jensen noticed that Jared’s hand lingered on his shoulder. “Well, with that wonderful news, I have to get going,” Mac said as she held her hand out expectantly for Jensen’s car keys.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Just be careful… the roads are supposed to be icy later tonight,” he warned.
“Yeah, about that…” Mac hedged. “So Brad and I were thinking about spending the night at the hotel near the restaurant… you won’t need your car tomorrow will you?” she asked innocently.
Jensen raised his eyebrows at the request, then narrowed his eyes at his ‘innocent’ little sister. “And just how long exactly have you been planning on spending the night with him?” he asked, though truth be told he felt too damn happy to give her too much of a hard time.
“JR, you’re my brother, not my dad,” she warned. “I’ve been dating Brad for eight months and he’s already met mom and dad. Besides, I haven’t seen him in two weeks, and since he’s flown up to visit me I don’t think it’s too much to ask that I borrow the car so that I can spend the night with him.”
Jensen held his hands up in surrender. “Chill Mac, you can have the car,” he conceded. “Just make sure he treats you right and if you need anything just call.”
Mackenzie smiled at his concern, then wrapped him in another quick hug before heading for the door. “Bye! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” she called as she hurried from the house. “And say hi to mom and dad for me!”
Jared laughed as he turned back to his forgotten dinner. “Go,” he encouraged. “Call your folks. You know they wanted the results as soon as you had them.”
Pressing a kiss to Jared’s cheek, he turned and headed to the living room to find his phone and share the news with the rest of his family.
oooOOOooo
Jensen let out a contented groan as he settled into his couch and took a drink of the beer Jared had just handed him.
“That was some seriously good food, Jay. I think I should put you in charge of all the cooking from now on.”
Jared scoffed at the compliment. “Don’t expect me to don an apron and start playing house or nothing,” he grumbled good naturedly as he sank further down into the seat and let his leg rest firmly against Jensen’s.
“I don’t know, Jay. I think you’d look good in a frilly little apron,” Jensen joked.
Jared growled and set his beer down quickly, leaning into Jensen’s neck and giving him a gentle bite before kissing his way up to Jensen’s jaw. “I don’t do girly,” he breathed before he leaned in and sucked Jensen’s bottom lip into his mouth.
“But you wear pink,” Jensen retorted, leaning back in and letting his tongue explore Jared’s mouth.
Any comeback Jared might have had was lost as Jensen deepened the kiss and pushed Jared back on the couch, allowing his body to follow so that he settled comfortably on top of Jared’s lanky form.
This was all they’d done so far. Kissing and what would generally be considered groping, but they’d never taken it past removing their shirts and this time Jensen was ready to take it further.
He pulled Jared’s top off over his head, then quickly removed his own before trailing a line of kisses down Jared’s stomach, finally stopping to let his tongue explore the firm bellybutton now in front of his face.
Jared chuckled and tugged on Jensen’s hair gently, encouraging him to move back up to where he could reach him. With a small growl, Jensen laved his way back to towards Jared’s waiting lips, detouring when he remembered the whimper he’d managed to elicit the last time he’d played with Jared’s nipples.
Nipping gently, Jensen sucked on Jared’s left nipple while bringing his hand up to pinch the right. Sure enough, after only a few seconds of attention, he’d achieved his goal. Jared let out the most endearing whimper he’d ever heard.
Hardening at the sound, he ground his hips into Jared’s and moved to capture his lips once more. “Want you Jay,” he hissed as Jared pushed his own hips back up, his erection pushing against Jensen’s. “God, I want this so much,” Jensen confessed.
Jared paused and pulled back to look him in the eye. Jensen froze as his worst fear played out Oh my god, he doesn’t want me.
Jared continued to stare and Jensen began to pull away as he felt heat creep up his neck while an icy knot settled in his chest.
“You’ve got me,” Jared whispered, his fingers briefly tightening on Jensen’s shoulders.
Jensen blinked. Did he just....
Jensen meant to yell at Jared. He meant to give Jared hell for scaring the life out of him…and he would have…if he hadn’t been too busy attacking his soft lips once more.
“Jared,” he groaned, but that was all he could manage. Suddenly he knew exactly what he wanted to do.
With a quick jerk, Jensen flicked open the button on Jared’s jeans and pushed his hand inside, grasping Jared’s straining length. Jared arched into the touch with pleasure.
Jensen swallowed Jared’s next sound as he gave a gentle squeeze and pulled his fist towards the tip of Jared’s cock.
He pulled back slowly and took in the sight of Jared sprawled below him, eyes glinting and pupils blown with desire.
“So beautiful,” he murmured as he shifted and let his eyes follow the flowing path his fingers were making as they slowly circled down Jared’s chest.
“Are you sure?” Jensen asked, once again meeting his friends glittering gaze.
“More than anything Jen,” Jared affirmed, bringing up his huge palm to cup Jensen’s face, thumb stroking softly along his cheek. “Are you sure you’re ready?” His gaze held no ultimatum and Jensen could tell he would accept either answer.
“Yeah.” He swallowed anxiously. “Yeah, I’m ready. I trust you.” With that, he reached down once more and carefully pulled out Jared’s pulsing cock.
After another tentative pull, he leaned down and licked from base to tip, taking in the pearly drop of precum which glistened on the head. Glancing up quickly, he was encouraged by the look of bliss which had crossed his friend’s, lover’s, face.
Keeping his gaze fixed on Jared, he flicked out his tongue and swirled it around the head slowly. Jared’s hard on jumped in response and Jensen couldn’t help but smile as he lowered his head and slowly sucked in as much as he could, letting his fingers wrap around the rest of Jared’s considerable length.
Another new sound erupted from Jared’s mouth, this one more like a growl and moan in one. Locking it away in his memory, Jensen promised himself that he’d find it again. Pulling his head back and then pushing forward, Jensen found a rhythm and began to bob, swirling and swiping his tongue over the head with each rise.
“Jen, Jen…so good, don’t stop,” Jared panted as he squirmed under Jensen’s touches and pumped his hips up into the warmth of Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen brought one hand up to fondle Jared’s balls and slipped the other into his own pants. Feeling Jared’s balls pull up tight he heard a strangled gasp just as Jared’s long fingers ran through his hair.
Hollowing his cheeks and sucking, Jensen felt his body zinging with pleasure, his own orgasm building inside and heat rippling through him.
With a final whimper, Jared exploded in his mouth; the taste bitter and salty, yet so Jared that Jensen was instantly addicted. Pumping his own throbbing erection, Jensen continued to suck Jared down until white danced behind his eyes as he exploded with pleasure.
Moving his attention to Jared’s hip, he continued to taste his friend until Jared finally came back to himself and lifted Jensen’s head.
“Hey,” he rasped, voice thick with lust. “Come here,” he said, tugging at Jensen’s shoulders. With energy Jensen didn’t know Jared possessed, he flipped them over so that he now pinned Jensen to the sofa. Jensen surprised himself when he didn’t flinch at his now vulnerable position. He really did trust Jared.
After another deep kiss, Jared slipped down Jensen’s body and reached for his now spent cock. “No need,” Jensen murmured as Jared’s hand finally found its target.
Jensen watched as surprise crossed Jared’s face, quickly followed by understanding and then disappointment.
“Dude,” Jensen chuckled. “Don’t pout. It means it was good.”
“Yeah, but I wanted to…” Jared trailed off, seemingly unable to say what it was he’d planned.
“Jare, if you can’t say it then you’re too young to do it,” Jensen joked, pulling him back up onto his chest.
Jared shrugged, then lifted his head; eyes glinting with mischief. He kissed Jensen deeply then pulled back and jumped off the couch.
“Come on,” he urged, tugging on Jensen’s arm. “This couch is too small.”
Jensen looked at his friend curiously.
“We’re going to bed,” Jared said firmly. “And there, I’m gonna have my turn,” he grinned, apparently pleased with his plan.
Jensen felt himself stir once more and returned the grin. “Yeah, I think I like that plan.” Wrapping his arms around Jared, he kissed him passionately and began to pull them towards the bedroom.
“I like that plan a lot.”
oooOOOooo
“Dude.” Jensen smacked the top of Jared’s knee. “Will you just relax.”
It had been a week since they had furthered their physical relationship. Jensen smiled as he remembered Jared’s mouth wrapped around his cock. They were on their way to the studio, Jensen was driving, and it was obvious he was still in a great mood.
“It’s okay for you to be all confident; you’re a great actor, but…” Jared mumbled.
Jensen glanced at him, clearly not impressed by his last statement. “What’s that suppose to mean?”
“Nothing,” Jared said sheepishly. He knew what Jensen was thinking. That he was a good actor too and that he just had to let it happen, relax and do it.
They were filming some real emotional stuff between the brothers today, and Kripke had even seen fit to give them their scripts earlier than usual. “We need to get these scenes right,” he had said.
They pulled into the parking lot; it was barely 5am and only the setup crew was around. “That’s why we’re here so early, Jay, so we and I can go through the scenes on set. That way you can pull it out when the camera rolls,” he said as he got out of his car.
“Easier said…” Jared started.
Grabbing Jared by the arm he turned him around to face him. “What’s this about man? I’ve never known you to be this jittery about a goddamned scene before. If I didn’t know better I’d say…”
Jared blushed slightly, pulling away from Jensen’s grip, acutely aware Jensen had figured it out. “Is that what it’s all about, Jay?” Jensen narrowed his eyes.
“Well…” Jared cringed under the intensity of Jensen’s stare. “I guess… yeah.”
“Dude,” Jensen sounded frustrated. “Nothing’s changed.”
“Nothing’s changed?” Jared eyes rolled as he started walking towards the studio. “How can you say that man? Everything’s changed.”
“How?” Jensen said as he caught up to walk beside him. He really couldn’t understand Jared’s distress.
“Well it’s not like I suck my co-stars dick every day, or let him suck mine.” Jared couldn’t help but blush now that he’d actually said it out loud.
“Wait.” Jensen put his hand on the younger mans shoulder, bringing him to a stop. “So, let me get this right. Because we...well, you know.” Jensen waved his hand between them. “Because we did that you think you can’t play Sam right anymore?”
Jared turned his face away, trying to find the words. “You don’t understand,” was all he could think to say.
“You’re damned right I don’t understand, Jay, explain it to me!” There was heat in his words this time.
Jared sighed loudly and began to walk away, reaching the sliding doors of the studio before he heard Jensen again.
“Jay?”
“Forget it.” Jared threw over his shoulder as he walked in.
TBC…
AN: Sorry about the cliffhanger... well actually, we’re not really, it’s just our way of making sure you tune in next week! LOL. Please let us know what you thought - reviews always inspire us to write more! :D
onto Chapter Eleven...