(no subject)
i lost it today with charlie. which was totally unfair, because all he did was tell me he was stressed out and needed some space tonight.
but tomorrow night he's getting together with his x-girlfriend for coffee. and i can't hang out 'cause she just broke up with her boyfriend. that sounds fishy, but i know it's not. i guess she just wants to talk to charles, and he didn't think it'd be the best time to introduce us.
i don't know why his friendship with his x bothers me so much. maybe it's because i haven't met her. maybe it's because i've never been able to maintain a friendship with an x.
it's not that i don't trust him. i know he'd never do anything to hurt me. i know it's just that i don't believe in myself, that i have a hard time believing that anyone would prefer me over anyone else. which is irrational and retarded and i hate myself for having typed it just now.
i switched down to 5mg of paxil on tuesday... and next tuesday, i'm off it completely. which is scary--i cried all afternoon today, even though charles did everything to convince me that his wanting of space has nothing to do with me. and i know that that's true. but i'm still sad. i'm sad and i don't know why. i can't stop crying, even though in my head it's sorted, and the only thing that's bumming me out is that i miss charlie and won't see him until saturday.
i need a hug.
but tomorrow night he's getting together with his x-girlfriend for coffee. and i can't hang out 'cause she just broke up with her boyfriend. that sounds fishy, but i know it's not. i guess she just wants to talk to charles, and he didn't think it'd be the best time to introduce us.
i don't know why his friendship with his x bothers me so much. maybe it's because i haven't met her. maybe it's because i've never been able to maintain a friendship with an x.
it's not that i don't trust him. i know he'd never do anything to hurt me. i know it's just that i don't believe in myself, that i have a hard time believing that anyone would prefer me over anyone else. which is irrational and retarded and i hate myself for having typed it just now.
i switched down to 5mg of paxil on tuesday... and next tuesday, i'm off it completely. which is scary--i cried all afternoon today, even though charles did everything to convince me that his wanting of space has nothing to do with me. and i know that that's true. but i'm still sad. i'm sad and i don't know why. i can't stop crying, even though in my head it's sorted, and the only thing that's bumming me out is that i miss charlie and won't see him until saturday.
i need a hug.