(no subject)
i am lazy.
i am sad, most of the time.
am i sad because i am lazy, or am i lazy because i am sad?
and, if the latter is the case, is everyone as sad as i am, or do i really have a problem?
and if i have a problem, is there a solution?
or should i stop half-assed "trying" to get better and resign myself to getting comfortable in this sad or, at best, numb state that is my life?
these are the things that i don't quite think about.
from HYPERDICTIONARY (http://www.hyperdictionary.com):
DEPERSONALIZATION. Pronunciation: dee`pursunli'zeyshun
1. [n] representing a human being as a physical thing deprived of personal qualities or individuality; "according to Marx, treating labor as a commodity exemplified the reification of the individual"
2. [n] (existentialism) a loss of personal identity; a feeling of being an anonymous cog in a stupid social machine
3. [n] emotional dissociative disorder in which there is loss of contact with your own personal reality accompanied by feelings of unreality and strangeness
i'm bored with being bored. i'm coming off of this paxil shit to find myself considering going on something else. i have a doctor's appointment in two hours, and therapy after that, and i don't know what i'm doing. i'm sick of not knowing what i'm doing. i wish i could wake up tomorrow and have the energy to do all of the things that i know would make me feel better. i wish i had the energy now to type about this anymore.
it's exhausting to try and make myself feel.
i am sad, most of the time.
am i sad because i am lazy, or am i lazy because i am sad?
and, if the latter is the case, is everyone as sad as i am, or do i really have a problem?
and if i have a problem, is there a solution?
or should i stop half-assed "trying" to get better and resign myself to getting comfortable in this sad or, at best, numb state that is my life?
these are the things that i don't quite think about.
from HYPERDICTIONARY (http://www.hyperdictionary.com):
DEPERSONALIZATION. Pronunciation: dee`pursunli'zeyshun
1. [n] representing a human being as a physical thing deprived of personal qualities or individuality; "according to Marx, treating labor as a commodity exemplified the reification of the individual"
2. [n] (existentialism) a loss of personal identity; a feeling of being an anonymous cog in a stupid social machine
3. [n] emotional dissociative disorder in which there is loss of contact with your own personal reality accompanied by feelings of unreality and strangeness
i'm bored with being bored. i'm coming off of this paxil shit to find myself considering going on something else. i have a doctor's appointment in two hours, and therapy after that, and i don't know what i'm doing. i'm sick of not knowing what i'm doing. i wish i could wake up tomorrow and have the energy to do all of the things that i know would make me feel better. i wish i had the energy now to type about this anymore.
it's exhausting to try and make myself feel.