Mr. Sandman...
Bring me a dream!
Lately I've been feeling all lonely. It's always the same shit. I mean, I have Nancy and she's like the best person in the world, but I mean, she's just a best friend. Well when she's around I forget about even wanting a bf. But as soon as she leaves, I feel lonely again and I wish I had someone that I could call my own. I can't help it, I suppose.
Why can't I help it? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I'll tell you why!
I'm pretty that it's because I've never had one and have never really done anything with my "love" life. It really is annoying. I mean, the only thing that I have now are awesome friends and a job and pretty soon PanAm. I'm probably sounding greedy, but at this point I don't really care how I sound. I guess it's how I feel or whatever.
Well Tony, I hope you read this. I know I could tell you all this directly but I don't know. I'd rather just wait to type it out and then get some feedback on it. You know? I'm not really comfortable with explaining the situation up front and begin making excuses. I guess I'm a "two-face." Lol, but that's my sign, you know?
Hmm...what else is there to say?
Today was actually kind of fun. Tony called and said he could make it but I said no because I wasn't expecting anyone to come. Not even Nancy. But then it turns out that she came over, and she even suggested to go pick up our friend, Adrian. We were going to ask Albert, but he had already made plans and I didn't think he'd cancel to join us. Well we ended up coming home and playing DDR. I, of course, was the best player. Then Nancy, and well Adrian wasn't that bad at it.
We ended up talking to Adrian's little brother via AIM and it was funny. It's weird how that little boy knows so much about the internet and stuff. Then my dad called and said something about taking him lunch so we dropped off Adrian and then Nancy took off to her house and I started talking to Tony.
I think I argued with him a little. Luckily, it didn't really lead to anything bad. It was just a simple misunderstanding, I suppose. He told me all these things, like his dream that he had. It was all cool. I wish I had awesome dreams. But I don't.
Well anyways, then I think I started talking about dumb stuff, like my feelings. And well I don't know. I get uncomfortable and tend to either make the person stay quiet or run away. It never fails! But oh well, it's no surprise to me. I know what I want to keep secret and what I want to say at the moment that I feel. I don't know.
But yeah.
MR. SANDMAN! BRING ME A DREAM! MAKE HIM THE CUTEST THAT I'VE EVER SEEN!
Please Mr. Sandman. You don't know how much I wish for this. I might not show it much, but I really do. Oh Mr. Sandman, I wish you were real.
Well I suppose I'll just go and think more about my situation and "get over it" until I can't hold it in again.
Whoop the fucking do for me!
Oh, and well I might actually get permission to drive to the beach! I have these awesome convincing skills that never fail. I remember what I did, but it would be too long to explain. But then again, I'm bored and I might as well explain what happened.
Well today I brought it up to my mom and she was basically saying, "Why don't you go somewhere closer? Like you did with the park." So I pretended to get mad and said, "Well, why don't you just say no? I mean, that's basically what you're implying." Oh, wait, this all happened in Spanish but I'm too lazy to type it out in Spanish. It's too hard. But anyways, she said, "It's not that, but it's too far." So then I said, "Fine, whatever, I guess I'll just not go. I'm going to my room." So then I left and she sounded all worried and asked, "Are you mad?" So then I started climbing the stairs and told her in a boring voice. "No. I'm not mad." But I kinda was.
So I came upstairs and I forgot what I did. Probably play that Maple Story thing. Then Nancy called and said she was coming over. I was like, "Okay!" So then I went downstairs when Nancy came over. And my mom was like, "Are you sure you're not mad?" But she looked all concerned and teary. I felt bad and reassured her that I wasn't. I smiled and hugged her and said, "No mom, I'm really not mad. I just want to experience the drive over there and get better at driving. I'm sorry if it came off as something else. I really am." So then she smiled and I left with Nancy upstairs.
That's when Nancy suggested that we pick up Adrian. And we did.
Then I don't remember when, but I told her how I wanted to go to the beach in October for the anime convention. I just had to mention Itachi and she knew what I was talking about. She seemed to understand and I explained how my friends that are going know the way. I'm not sure how much truth is in that, so I'm going to print out a map if I get the okay from them. But yeah, that night, I actually asked my dad too. I somehow convinced my mom but I gained the courage to ask my dad.
My dad is someone that intimidates me. He has the overall say and well I don't really like that. I mean, he's okay with a lot of stuff, it's just running it by him that doesn't make me happy. I guess I just don't have that great of a relationship with him. We don't really talk just to talk. And when we do I'm uncomfortable the whole time. So I guess I'd rather just avoid him.
But anyways, I told him about it. And how much this experience means to me. He didn't sound too approving of it, but luckily I somehow managed to push for it. I kept my cool and I talked calmly and explained the whole situation once more. I told him my whole story about the anime convention and how I'd rather go and experience once instead of going blindly and end up getting lost the second time. I told him how I felt prepared and that I know that I can do it. I told him how confident I was in my skills and everything. Then he asked me "Well, you're not coming late, okay?"
I don't know what happened, but I think I got through to him too. I started to nod and said, "Yes, of course, I wouldn't want to drive in the night when all the crazy drunks are out." He agreed and asked at what time I would return. I told him that I'd want to take off from the beach at around 5 or 6 so I can make it home by 7 or 8. But since I'd be a noob at this game, in my head I was thinking probably 9.
They're supposed to give me the answer tomorrow. I hope it's what I want to hear. If it's not, I will go back to square one and work to try to win. There's more than one way to approach a problem and well I believe I am a master of solving problems. I just have to keep trying until I get the result I want. Except there are times when I don't win and I feel like I'm weak. But eh, whatever.
Oh, I also got called from Wal-mart today. They told me that orientation would begin on Monday so I hope they give me the schedule by then so that I can plan out this whole game of going to the beach.
I hope this new job won't take up most of my time.
If it does, then I guess my friends can find other people to hang out with, eh? I don't think I'd lose anyone but if I do then there's nothing I can do about it. I won't always win at solving problems. I can't always give in to what others want.
Hmm...this is a really long entry. I guess I had a lot on my mind today. I'm surprised so much happened today. I'm just kidding, I'm a busy person! Luckily I believe that I'm one of the most stable people out there than can do so much for so many people and then not get bothered enough to take out on anyone and instead write about it. Yay for me! I mean, I have to compliment myself cause nobody else will. Well, Tony does. And Nancy does. But that's about it.
Well, I guess I'll go play Maple Story, sing, dance, play a game or roam around in youtube/dailymotion. So much to do in such a small amount of time!
Maybe I'll go dance and exercise to lose all this excessive mass that causes me to feel fat and uncomfortable with my body. Yes, I think I'll do that.
To anyone that reads this, THANKS!
Merci pour votre attention mais j'ai des choses a faire!
Lately I've been feeling all lonely. It's always the same shit. I mean, I have Nancy and she's like the best person in the world, but I mean, she's just a best friend. Well when she's around I forget about even wanting a bf. But as soon as she leaves, I feel lonely again and I wish I had someone that I could call my own. I can't help it, I suppose.
Why can't I help it? Why? Why? Why? Why?
I'll tell you why!
I'm pretty that it's because I've never had one and have never really done anything with my "love" life. It really is annoying. I mean, the only thing that I have now are awesome friends and a job and pretty soon PanAm. I'm probably sounding greedy, but at this point I don't really care how I sound. I guess it's how I feel or whatever.
Well Tony, I hope you read this. I know I could tell you all this directly but I don't know. I'd rather just wait to type it out and then get some feedback on it. You know? I'm not really comfortable with explaining the situation up front and begin making excuses. I guess I'm a "two-face." Lol, but that's my sign, you know?
Hmm...what else is there to say?
Today was actually kind of fun. Tony called and said he could make it but I said no because I wasn't expecting anyone to come. Not even Nancy. But then it turns out that she came over, and she even suggested to go pick up our friend, Adrian. We were going to ask Albert, but he had already made plans and I didn't think he'd cancel to join us. Well we ended up coming home and playing DDR. I, of course, was the best player. Then Nancy, and well Adrian wasn't that bad at it.
We ended up talking to Adrian's little brother via AIM and it was funny. It's weird how that little boy knows so much about the internet and stuff. Then my dad called and said something about taking him lunch so we dropped off Adrian and then Nancy took off to her house and I started talking to Tony.
I think I argued with him a little. Luckily, it didn't really lead to anything bad. It was just a simple misunderstanding, I suppose. He told me all these things, like his dream that he had. It was all cool. I wish I had awesome dreams. But I don't.
Well anyways, then I think I started talking about dumb stuff, like my feelings. And well I don't know. I get uncomfortable and tend to either make the person stay quiet or run away. It never fails! But oh well, it's no surprise to me. I know what I want to keep secret and what I want to say at the moment that I feel. I don't know.
But yeah.
MR. SANDMAN! BRING ME A DREAM! MAKE HIM THE CUTEST THAT I'VE EVER SEEN!
Please Mr. Sandman. You don't know how much I wish for this. I might not show it much, but I really do. Oh Mr. Sandman, I wish you were real.
Well I suppose I'll just go and think more about my situation and "get over it" until I can't hold it in again.
Whoop the fucking do for me!
Oh, and well I might actually get permission to drive to the beach! I have these awesome convincing skills that never fail. I remember what I did, but it would be too long to explain. But then again, I'm bored and I might as well explain what happened.
Well today I brought it up to my mom and she was basically saying, "Why don't you go somewhere closer? Like you did with the park." So I pretended to get mad and said, "Well, why don't you just say no? I mean, that's basically what you're implying." Oh, wait, this all happened in Spanish but I'm too lazy to type it out in Spanish. It's too hard. But anyways, she said, "It's not that, but it's too far." So then I said, "Fine, whatever, I guess I'll just not go. I'm going to my room." So then I left and she sounded all worried and asked, "Are you mad?" So then I started climbing the stairs and told her in a boring voice. "No. I'm not mad." But I kinda was.
So I came upstairs and I forgot what I did. Probably play that Maple Story thing. Then Nancy called and said she was coming over. I was like, "Okay!" So then I went downstairs when Nancy came over. And my mom was like, "Are you sure you're not mad?" But she looked all concerned and teary. I felt bad and reassured her that I wasn't. I smiled and hugged her and said, "No mom, I'm really not mad. I just want to experience the drive over there and get better at driving. I'm sorry if it came off as something else. I really am." So then she smiled and I left with Nancy upstairs.
That's when Nancy suggested that we pick up Adrian. And we did.
Then I don't remember when, but I told her how I wanted to go to the beach in October for the anime convention. I just had to mention Itachi and she knew what I was talking about. She seemed to understand and I explained how my friends that are going know the way. I'm not sure how much truth is in that, so I'm going to print out a map if I get the okay from them. But yeah, that night, I actually asked my dad too. I somehow convinced my mom but I gained the courage to ask my dad.
My dad is someone that intimidates me. He has the overall say and well I don't really like that. I mean, he's okay with a lot of stuff, it's just running it by him that doesn't make me happy. I guess I just don't have that great of a relationship with him. We don't really talk just to talk. And when we do I'm uncomfortable the whole time. So I guess I'd rather just avoid him.
But anyways, I told him about it. And how much this experience means to me. He didn't sound too approving of it, but luckily I somehow managed to push for it. I kept my cool and I talked calmly and explained the whole situation once more. I told him my whole story about the anime convention and how I'd rather go and experience once instead of going blindly and end up getting lost the second time. I told him how I felt prepared and that I know that I can do it. I told him how confident I was in my skills and everything. Then he asked me "Well, you're not coming late, okay?"
I don't know what happened, but I think I got through to him too. I started to nod and said, "Yes, of course, I wouldn't want to drive in the night when all the crazy drunks are out." He agreed and asked at what time I would return. I told him that I'd want to take off from the beach at around 5 or 6 so I can make it home by 7 or 8. But since I'd be a noob at this game, in my head I was thinking probably 9.
They're supposed to give me the answer tomorrow. I hope it's what I want to hear. If it's not, I will go back to square one and work to try to win. There's more than one way to approach a problem and well I believe I am a master of solving problems. I just have to keep trying until I get the result I want. Except there are times when I don't win and I feel like I'm weak. But eh, whatever.
Oh, I also got called from Wal-mart today. They told me that orientation would begin on Monday so I hope they give me the schedule by then so that I can plan out this whole game of going to the beach.
I hope this new job won't take up most of my time.
If it does, then I guess my friends can find other people to hang out with, eh? I don't think I'd lose anyone but if I do then there's nothing I can do about it. I won't always win at solving problems. I can't always give in to what others want.
Hmm...this is a really long entry. I guess I had a lot on my mind today. I'm surprised so much happened today. I'm just kidding, I'm a busy person! Luckily I believe that I'm one of the most stable people out there than can do so much for so many people and then not get bothered enough to take out on anyone and instead write about it. Yay for me! I mean, I have to compliment myself cause nobody else will. Well, Tony does. And Nancy does. But that's about it.
Well, I guess I'll go play Maple Story, sing, dance, play a game or roam around in youtube/dailymotion. So much to do in such a small amount of time!
Maybe I'll go dance and exercise to lose all this excessive mass that causes me to feel fat and uncomfortable with my body. Yes, I think I'll do that.
To anyone that reads this, THANKS!
Merci pour votre attention mais j'ai des choses a faire!