I open myself, one stitch at a time.
Wow, I can post to my LJ from my new phone! Sweet! Maybe this will help me get back to updating more frequently.
Life has been hellish lately but, odd as it sounds, I think it is helping me grow up. But this is why I didn't post a birthday mesage this year. I do want to post a delayed one, though.
First, in early January, Jesse and I broke up. I'd like to say it was mutual, but I don't know. I saw that he had checked out, that he didn't seem like he was working at it, and looking back on it, I think it started months ago. And I kept wanting it to go back to what it was a year ago: I missed the Jesse I had once loved. And so we talked about it, and ended it...
And two weeks later (on my birthday) he started dating one of our friends.
This has caused me a lot of pain: I said horrid things to him, but also felt terribly betrayed. But time moves on. I have drawn away from our circle of friends. Not maliciously, but I realized they were more his friends than mine. That I constantly felt that I had to contain myself and try to be something I'm not around them. This pain has forced me to reassess who I am.
I still get lonely, of course. Especially at night. I have lost my best friend here. Yet I am reaching out more to old friends, and making new ones.
I feel closer than ever to my partner at work, who has been incredibly supportive. I am recognizing how strong a figure I am rising to be in the indie developer scene as well, and hopeully making ripples in the larger layer, too.
My roommate has almost immediately become a close friend, and invites me out with his buddies all the time, or crashes and cuddles with me on the sofa as we watch movies.
I've rediscovered fantasy novels and singing to musicals, going on dates (Ive had one and am trying to shake my cold feet and plan one with a different guy.) And mostly just stay busy.
My cast is remarkable, as are my theatre coworkers. While we aren't friends out of the theatre, it is a great and diverse community to go to each night.
Slow and steady.
Life has been hellish lately but, odd as it sounds, I think it is helping me grow up. But this is why I didn't post a birthday mesage this year. I do want to post a delayed one, though.
First, in early January, Jesse and I broke up. I'd like to say it was mutual, but I don't know. I saw that he had checked out, that he didn't seem like he was working at it, and looking back on it, I think it started months ago. And I kept wanting it to go back to what it was a year ago: I missed the Jesse I had once loved. And so we talked about it, and ended it...
And two weeks later (on my birthday) he started dating one of our friends.
This has caused me a lot of pain: I said horrid things to him, but also felt terribly betrayed. But time moves on. I have drawn away from our circle of friends. Not maliciously, but I realized they were more his friends than mine. That I constantly felt that I had to contain myself and try to be something I'm not around them. This pain has forced me to reassess who I am.
I still get lonely, of course. Especially at night. I have lost my best friend here. Yet I am reaching out more to old friends, and making new ones.
I feel closer than ever to my partner at work, who has been incredibly supportive. I am recognizing how strong a figure I am rising to be in the indie developer scene as well, and hopeully making ripples in the larger layer, too.
My roommate has almost immediately become a close friend, and invites me out with his buddies all the time, or crashes and cuddles with me on the sofa as we watch movies.
I've rediscovered fantasy novels and singing to musicals, going on dates (Ive had one and am trying to shake my cold feet and plan one with a different guy.) And mostly just stay busy.
My cast is remarkable, as are my theatre coworkers. While we aren't friends out of the theatre, it is a great and diverse community to go to each night.
Slow and steady.