Fic: Our Cracking Bones Make Noise [Part 3/3]

[snarkyscorp]

Title: Our Cracking Bones Make Noise
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~29,000
Pairing(s): Teddy/James (but a lot of gen James for the most part - honestly, this would have been pairingless if not for the recipient...who later dropped the fest >O)
Summary: After the death of his sister, James is out of control. As his family's last resort, Charlie offers to give James a spot on his dragon reserve in Germany, where Teddy will take him under his wing. There, James is forced not only to confront larger-than-life dragons in ways he never imagined but to deal with the loss of his sister and come to terms with his sexuality in ways that will ultimately help him heal and change his life forever.
Warning(s): ADW: 23/16-24/17 and character death (Lily Luna)
Author's Notes: Written for hp_rarities.
Heavily, heavily, heavily (did I mention heavily?) influenced by a certain movie called How to Train Your Dragon. Honestly. I ate, sleep, and breathed that movie while writing this fic.
Thanks to nuclearsugars for the cheerleading and la_dissonance for the hard work betaing something that I'm sure she never thought would make it to 29k. lol



oOo

Charlie turned out to be more understanding than James had ever thought he'd be. Even though he scolded James for running off without warning, he shrugged off the punch as if it had been a natural, everyday occurrence that he just had to deal with. It seemed that, more than anything, Charlie was keen to know the details about the Muggle men with guns that James had seen that day.

It turned out that Charlie had seen those men before; they were what Muggles called 'monster hunters', and Teddy was quick to add that most Muggles thought they were all bloody insane. Apparently, there were a lot of Muggles that not only believed dragons and magical beasts existed but tried to hunt them down and kill, capture, or maim them to bring back physical proof of their existence to the rest of their culture. James thought it was odd that none of them had managed, until Charlie reminded him that a few Muggles had still photographs of what they called the 'Loch Ness Monster' and 'Bigfoot', both of which were received as fraudulent hoaxes by the majority of the Muggle population.

Charlie was also incredibly interested in learning more about the Blitz-Tail. James told the story seven times before he reminded Charlie that there was no detail he could have possibly left out, especially since he'd only interacted with the dragon for a few minutes. But James felt a bit worse every time Charlie asked for more details, because he could tell Charlie was upset it hadn't been him there that day. Charlie had chased the dragon all the way from his first sighting of it in Bulgaria five years ago all the way to the Black Forest in Germany, where the dragon had resided for the past year, and he'd never managed to get more than a fleeting glance of it as it skirted out of a dense thicket, flew through the sky so fast that Charlie couldn't get his camera out in time, or darted so far away that Charlie could only make out its stout outline in the distance.

More than anything, Charlie wanted to get as close as James got, especially now that he knew the dragon's saliva had intense healing properties. It turned out that Skele-Gro and some of the other remedies for treating broken bones, torn muscle, and Muggle-induced bullet-wounds all came from dragon ingredients like blood, scale tissue, saliva, tooth enamel, and even some venoms in the right dosages.

That was why, the day after James' little dragon rendezvous, Charlie decided he would accompany James back to the river where he'd found the dragon, this time fully-equipped with wands to defend themselves and tools to extract the necessary elements. Charlie said that given the dragon's bond to James, it would most likely seek him out and have no objection to James sticking a needle or syringe in its mouth. James begged to differ and thought maybe he ought to try and feed it a sedative to knock it out so somebody else could try. He'd seen that dragon's teeth, and he didn't want to be on the wrong end of them.

The first day they tried to find the Blitz-Tail, there was no sign of him. The second day, he was spotted well out into the distance on the other side of the river bank. Charlie said he thought he saw the dragon looking at them, but James knew better-he could tell the dragon was glaring at him. He felt an instant and unmistakable sense of betrayal, like the dragon was angry James had brought other people with him. It flew off well before anybody could grab a camera or ready their tools. The third and fourth and fifth and twelfth days, it was always the same-Charlie, Teddy, and James would show up and wait for an hour, then the Blitz-Tail would be heard snarling in the distance, and then they'd see it take off from somewhere far away and see nothing more of it until the next time they visited.

Finally, Teddy suggested that Charlie ought to give up. It was obvious that the Blitz-Tail was too wary to let any of them get close enough to take a photo, let alone scrape its scales or draw its blood. But James had a hunch that something else was going on. The same voice in his head that had previously told him not to tell Charlie and Teddy all the details about his interactions with the dragon told him that he should test his theory on his own.

So on one of his days off from dragon duty, James snuck off under the guise of a long fire-call with his family. Ducking out of the fog around midday, he was able to pack an entire satchel full of fish, eel, sheep, and other various slabs of meat from the freezers as well as a bag full of grain and vegetables. Nicking the dragon food was easy-dragging it from the camp all the way to the river where he'd first seen the Blitz-Tail was a bit harder. James had already gone about a hundred steps before he realised he had the full use of his wand back and didn't have to lug the heavy sacks around manually anymore. Even though he had gained a bit of raw muscle in his scrawny fishbone-sized arms, James was by no means physically capable of doing everything the Muggle way.

Levitation charms in place, James carted the sacks of food along after him and made quick time getting to the river. Once there, he glanced around, but just as it had been every day for the past week and a half, there was no sight of the Blitz-Tail. James hoped his theory wasn't wrong and he hadn't pinched all that food for nothing.

Lowering the bags, he used his wand to cast a few cutting charms to slice the bags apart and watched them spill out all the contents, creating a giant smorgasbord that no dragon should be able to resist. James knew full well if the Blitz-Tail didn't come for it, the Ironbelly would somehow find its way over to finish it off for him.

Prepared to wait all day if he needed to, James took a seat on one of the large rocks near the base of the hill. He glanced around, looked out over the river, and tapped his foot impatiently against the dirt. After a half hour of twiddling his thumbs, James began to doubt himself. Maybe the dragon was really just too skittish. Maybe Teddy and Charlie were wrong in thinking the dragon trusted him at all. Maybe dragons didn't really believe in life debts at all and it had accidentally drooled on his bullet-ridden shoulder. Maybe James should have spent his day off doing something more productive rather than waiting around for a camera-shy, anti-social dragon… like reading the entire dictionary.

With a sigh, James rolled his shoulders forward and leaned down until his bony elbows rested on his lengthy thighs. The river waters were still, no sign of the Blitz-Tail's presence to be seen, and it probably wasn't going to show after all. James picked up a nearby twig and began drawing shapes and squiggles in the loose dirt. He wrote his own name, spelled out dragon in all capital letters, and then erased it all with the bottom of his trainer to start over.

For shits, James began to draw a penis. He started with a thick base, fully-erect length, and a wide, mushroom-shaped head. He wondered if Teddy's dick looked like that when he was aroused. Shifting on the rock, he added the balls, grinning once the full design was there in all its jizz-holding glory. Just as he was about to start adding obscene details like some curls at the base and come spurting out the tip, James was startled out of his childish sketch by the sound of heavy breathing and the sudden gust of wind that rustled his dark fringe over his eyes.

The sound and heat were unmistakable-it felt like someone (or something) was breathing down his neck, and he had a very horrible idea of what it was that was doing it.

James stilled in his drawing. With every inhale behind him, James' hair pulled up towards the sky and with every exhale it flattened and spread over his forehead and eyes. With great caution, James tipped his head back. A dark, black figure came into view, upside-down by the time James was able to crane his neck enough to see it. Instantly, he recognised the wide snout, the sharp teeth, and the bulbous, red eyes before him. There was no mistaking it-his theory was right. The minute Charlie and Teddy (or anyone else for that matter) were out of sight, leaving James completely alone and harmless, the Blitz-Tail had come on out his own to see James. It wasn't that the dragon was camera-shy or socially awkward-it just didn't want to see anyone but James, because James was non-threatening, safe.

"Hey, buddy," James murmured, at a complete loss for what to say. Just what did one say to a dragon to get it to understand that one meant no harm? "I, er, brought you some dinner."

With guarded movements, James turned around on the rock. He had to crane his neck only a bit less from his new vantage point to see the top of the dragon's head, which was bony and bumpy, with two jet-black ears focused on every sound James made. James gestured to the piles of food waiting for the Blitz-Tail to consume, but the dragon didn't look at all interested. It was then that James noticed what was at the dragon's feet, partially clutched in one of its massive talons.

"Oh Merlin!" James gasped, backing away so fast that he stumbled off the rock he'd been sitting on and nearly tripped over some roots to get further away.

At the dragon's feet sat half of a wild boar, completely intact except for the obvious fact that half of the beast had been ripped off. Its insides dangled out of its large body, guts and blood pooled out of its skin and bones sticking out of its flesh at angles James would forever see in his nightmares. It was one of the most disgusting things James had ever seen, and the sight of what the dragon had obviously done to the boar just gave James a reason to panic being all alone with the Blitz-Tail in the middle of nowhere.

"Christ, just eat the rest of it, please!" James said, crawling back through the dirt and over all the food he'd brought. Finally, he found his footing and scrambled up, taking off at a run. Before he'd gotten past the bank, the dragon gave a low growl and charged out of nowhere in order to block James' exit. In its teeth, it carried the boar by its back leg, a trail of blood oozing out of the animal's body and down the dragon's chin. "Oh God, no…" James backed up, and the dragon moved forward. He turned and the dragon was there to meet him. At every turn, the Blitz-Tail blocked his escape, but it wasn't soon before James noticed that the dragon made no move to hurt him.

Finally, after what seemed ten minutes of playing cat-and-mouse, James went very still and watched the dragon do the same. Breathing heavy, James swallowed the prominent urge to vomit when the Blitz-Tail flung the dead boar at his feet. James looked down at the back half of the boar, then up to the dragon, which licked its teeth as it stared at James in turn. The dragon's red gaze flicked down to the boar, then back up to James, and he sat down across from James as if to wait for James to do what it expected.

And it was then that James understood.

"You…are giving this to me?" The dragon snorted, but it wasn't an angry sound at all, and James felt a shiver of gratitude pass between them. Instead of bile rising up in his throat, he suddenly felt choked with appreciation for the gift. He knew a lot of animals brought their kill to humans, as a present to show their admiration and affection. It awed James that the dragon felt that towards him. "This…this is brilliant. Thanks." He reached out to pet the dragon's snout, but the Blitz-Tail's eyes narrowed to slits and it let out a warning growl as it crawled backwards, clearly not ready for any pets. "Okay, okay, no problem. Here-um, why don't you have some of this food I brought?" James slowly moved back towards the piles of food laying out in the shade. "See? All of this is for you."

He gestured to it again and again, until finally the dragon's nostrils began to expand and deflate in quick succession. Once the dragon noticed, it gave a noise like a high-pitched purr and charged to the buffet that awaited, devouring half the meats in one chomp and lapping the meal up as if the food was to be its last dinner. James grinned, watching the dragon happily as he plucked a camera from his jean pocket and knelt to steady himself to actually take the photos. His hands and legs were shaking, but having the Blitz-Tail occupied with a task that didn't include throwing a giant boar at his feet or trying to eat him, he found it easier to calm his quivering limbs the longer he remained.

Only after he'd captured dozens of shots from various angels and zooms did James pocket the camera once more. The Blitz-Tail licked the bags clean, lapped at its teeth and what served as lips, and then hummed in what James could only assume was contentment. Its round eyes found James and blinked at him, ears alert.

"That's all I've got, pal," James said, holding his empty hands up. "More tomorrow, okay?"

They stared at one another, the dragon's gaze focused on James' eyes but James looking everywhere. The dragon had a few scars on its shoulders and along its legs, and he could count the number of scales on its wide forehead from their close proximity. It was weird to be standing so close to something so massive and dangerous and not be weeping in fear. Sure, his heart was still pounding nearly out of his chest, but there was a new emotion rapidly replacing the terror.

"You're amazing," James breathed, smiling. "I've never seen anything like you."

The Blitz-Tail didn't seem to understand James' awe, but James had a weird feeling that the dragon could not only comprehend what James said to it but that it was sending subtle messages back. It was the only way James could describe the sudden feeling of fullness and content that rolled over him. He wondered suddenly if dragons had empathic abilities and made a mental note to ask Teddy.

"Wish you'd let me pet you, though," James said, testing his little theory about the dragon understanding human speech. "Promise I won't hurt you. I've just…never really touched a dragon before. I work on the reserve with those other guys you saw, but I'm kind of…well, not really good at it, I guess, because I spend more time getting chased by dragons than helping them." He waited, half-expecting the dragon to nod in understanding, but nothing happened. The Blitz-Tail just sat there, head-cocked and eyes flitting from James' face to his shoulders and back with a steady expression. "Okay… Well, I've made myself clear, right? Won't hurt you, here to help you, would absolutely love it if you'd let me get closer-I can't really tell what you'd do if I tried again, though. And honestly, I don't want to get my hand bit off because of some foolish urge to stroke dragon hide."

The dragon's nostrils flared quickly as it snuffed out an exhale, its lip curling to reveal its unbelievably sharp teeth. For a moment, James' eyes widened with the thought that the dragon had just laughed at him, but he had little time to wonder if that was the case, as the dragon settled down on all four feet, turned from James, raced toward the water, and leapt out over the river, taking to the skies. It let out a long cry that James took for a goodbye, and disappeared beyond the line of trees and deep within the forest in seconds.

Exhaling, James brushed his hair back with both hands and spun around in a circle with a laugh. He was kind of dizzy with joy at seeing the Blitz-Tail again and decided to try and sneak back as often as he could manage without alerting Teddy and Charlie-for now, James wanted this moment for himself, and he could show them the pictures, maybe even give them a blood sample or extensive notes and scrapings after a time. It would really only be a matter of time before the Blitz-Tail let James get close enough to do what they needed at the reserve to classify him and start studying the magical properties of his bodily fluids, hide, hair, horns, thorns, and teeth. For now, though, James wanted this to be a private little secret that just he and the Blitz-Tail shared.

When he stopped spinning, James nearly tripped over the wild boar carcass still rotting there waiting for him. James felt guilty just leaving it there, when it was clearly a gift, so he waved his wand, levitated the remains, and brought them to the dragon camp, where he effectively snuck them into the Ironbelly's dinner.

The next day, James returned to the river during his lunch. Not ten minutes after he arrived, the Blitz-Tail swooped down and dropped a dead sheep at his feet. Its head and legs were missing, but James had a good feeling where they'd gone to. That day, while the dragon ate the food James stole for him, James was able to snap a few more photos and catch a bit of saliva in a small container.

The day after that, James arrived at the same time and didn't have to wait at all to see the Blitz-Tail-instead, he found it there waiting for him, half of a cow as his daily gift. But that day, the Blitz-Tail only ate a bit of the vegetables that James brought and left the rest, which happened to be full of onions. James jotted down a quick note that Blitz-Tails did not like onions on his parchment, which now contained various facts about the obscure dragon that Teddy and Charlie were likely to appreciate.

The week wore on in a similar manner, with James sneaking out to feed the Blitz-Tail and the dragon letting James get one step closer to it every day, until James could stand well beside it and feel the heat pulsing off its large body from their proximity.

The following week, James was late to get to the river, as Teddy had kept him late to clean up more dragon dung from the camp. When James arrived to their usual meeting place, he didn't see the Blitz-Tail anywhere and had a sinking feeling it wouldn't show, considering the lack of carcasses neatly laid out for James. But it was then that James saw a shape rising out of the river some distance away and knew instantly what it was.

Sneaking behind a bush, James got his camera out and snapped a few photos of the dragon swimming and diving beneath the current. James had never seen a dragon swim before, though he had always assumed the Blitz-Tail capable, since it had pulled him out of the river when he'd nearly drowned. But besides that, the thought hadn't crossed his mind that dragons might actually enjoy swimming like humans did. From the looks of it, the Blitz-Tail definitely did, as the dragon was rolling on its back, flapping its wings, and spitting water out between its teeth. It kept diving beneath the surface, flopping around like a fish only to go under and spring back up gracefully.

"So, you're a diver," James murmured to himself, grinning and getting that giddy, euphoric feeling that he knew by now was from being in the dragon's presence. It was nice. It made James feel loved. "Think that's what I ought to call you? Diver?"

The dragon stiffened in the water, glanced at James, and disappeared beneath the current.

"Oh, shit! Just me, buddy-not going to hurt you! You know, the usual."

James didn't even have time to get out from behind the bush-the Blitz-Tail was so fast that it had made the distance from the other side of the river to the bank where James had been hiding in mere seconds. It pounced, and James instinctively fell backwards, bumping his head hard on the ground as the Blitz-Tail caged him in and lowered its large head to stare down at him.

"Just me," James whispered, trying to be soothing, even when his voice cracked. The dragon's breath wafted over him, hot and dry in his face. "Not a fan of Diver?" he asked, swallowing the anxiety in favour of a teasing laugh.

The Blitz-Tail snorted twice, and James was almost worried that it didn't recognize him, but then its nostrils began to inhale sharply, and its head lowered even further, until its nose pressed to James' chest. When it inhaled again, half of James' shirt went up into its right nostril, tickling James. Laughing, James tried to roll away, but the Blitz-Tail continued doing it, until James was positive it was doing it on purpose.

"God, what's the matter with you?" James cried, in tears from the tickling. "Okay, okay, I give up, please!"

Maybe the dragon understood him or maybe it just decided to stop on its own, but either way, it finally pulled up. Those now familiar red eyes stared down at him, and James grinned.

"Diver's a bloody brilliant name," he murmured. "I think you're just happy to see me, aren't you? Afraid I wasn't coming, I bet."

The dragon snorted and stood very still for a long, silent moment. Then, it bowed its head again, this time pressing forehead-to-forehead with James. Its hide was rough and damp, the scales hard and unyielding against James' skin, but James had never in his life felt anything like it the moment they touched. A strangled noise escaped James, and his eyes widened, chest tight with the sudden rush of emotions swirling through his head. He felt love like he'd never felt it before, almost tangible between them, and an old loneliness that tore his heart out. James' chest rose and fell heavily and he couldn't help but reach up and touch the dragon's wide snout with his fingertips, running his hands along Diver's stiff black scales.

James was trembling so badly that he had to close his eyes to keep from crying. The more he touched Diver, the more he didn't want to let go and the less he felt aware of where they were or how long they lay like that with one another. All he knew was that Diver needed him, had been alone for a very long time before James had saved his life, and that Diver loved him with an unconditional intensity that made it hard for James to pull away. He wanted to lie there all day, letting the ebb of emotions sway between them. As much as he could feel what Diver felt, James also knew somehow that Diver understood his emotions as well.

Diver knew James felt guilty about Lily, felt responsible, felt completely alone in the world. The dragon knew everything, and James felt even more helpless to the rush of thoughts, emotions, and memories that plagued his nightmares. Touching the Blitz-Tail, James could feel Lily's hand slipping further and further away from his own, could hear her screams echoing from beneath a hurrying train, could hear Albus snarling that he hated his brother and never wanted to see him again, could see his parents living happily in their lives without James to bother them. James saw Teddy, walking like a ghost through his mind, stiff and beautiful and hard-bodied and perfect but not for James somehow, because James would never be good enough.

James saw all of his failures magnified, all of his fears thrust to the foreground, and it was overwhelming to the point that James could barely keep from passing out.

When the Blitz-Tail did finally pull away, James' face was wet with tears that streaked down his red-swollen cheeks and the sky was the colour of dark evening. He wasn't sure exactly how much time had passed at all, but it had been mid-afternoon when he'd come to visit Diver.

"It's okay," James murmured, though for the first time he didn't feel okay at all in Diver's presence. The euphoria was replaced with a dulled feeling of commitment and expectations. He felt like someone had just knocked the wind out of him.

Diver pulled away and stepped off of him, giving James ample room to move. But James was unable to stand to his feet, because his knees quivered too badly. Diver nudged him, offering his large snout to assist, and James welcomed the contact again, the rush of pleasure and affection that swept from the dragon's hide to his skin. Stroking the length of Diver's snout, James smiled down at him.

"Thanks," he said, and he stood on his own when the Blitz-Tail pulled away and whined at him. "Go on. I'm fine." He waved the dragon off, even though it looked like Diver would have stayed had he asked it to.

For the first time, James was glad to see it take off over the shore and disappear into the dense forests beyond. He needed a break, needed to get away, and he wasn't sure if he could manage coming back at all. The minute he was left alone, the tears came back in full force again, and he sobbed and stumbled his way back to camp.

oOo

"Where the hell have you been?" Teddy growled, hauling James into the cabin by his arm. "We've been worried out of our bloody minds! No note, no mention of where you'll be-nothing."

On the walk back to camp, James had managed to stop crying, but in the light of his cabin, the redness and swollen skin at his eyes visibly gave him away. At the look on James' face, Teddy's mouth pressed into a fine, concerned line, and his grip on James' arm loosened. His strong hand reached up and took hold of James' chin, tipping his face more clearly into the light.

"You all right?" Teddy's voice lowered, taking on a warmer, kinder tone.

James shook his head, gaze lowered in humiliation to the floor. He couldn't bear to look at Teddy, not when his eyes were filling with tears all over again, and the same unbearable ache in his chest constricted and tugged and hurt like hell. James both wanted to talk, to tell Teddy everything, and to be alone, to kick and scream and lash out at everything in sight.

"I can't help you if I don't know what I need to do," Teddy added, fingers sliding back to the back of James' lean neck and rubbing there comfortingly. "Come on, James. Talk to me."

Without verbal response, James reached into his pocket and pulled out his camera. He handed it to Teddy with dull resignation.

"That Bulgarian Blitz-Tail," James murmured. "I've been…meeting with it for the past week. It comes around when I'm alone. I named it Diver, because it…well, look at the pictures-he likes to dive."

Teddy tapped the camera with his wand and all the photographs captured within swirled up above them, showing the Blitz-Tail eating, playing, and indeed diving under the water. Teddy's eyes widened in surprise as he flicked his wand over each image to magnify or rotate as he saw fit.

"And I was able to get really close to it," James went on. "Close enough to scrape some of its scales-" Here, he produced a small vial, containing miniscule, bead-like shards that glistened in the dim light. "-And to gather a bit of its saliva-" James handed over a small jar. "-And even some blood." Only when Teddy had a handful of papers, jars, and samples did James stop producing things from his pockets. "But tonight, it… I don't really know what it did. All I know is that he let me touch him for the first time, and I never want to do it again, because I felt like somebody had punched me in the heart afterwards, and now all I can think of is Lily and the way she screamed and how it's all my fault that she's dead."

Unable to look at Teddy, James dissolved into tears again, shivering as he leaned against the wall for support. "I'm such a sodding mess! What the fuck was I thinking, coming here? I just-"

"Come here, James," Teddy murmured. Setting everything down on the nearby table, Teddy drew James into his arms without waiting for James to protest or give permission.

Still reeling from the effects of the Blitz-Tail's touch, James didn't say no when one of Teddy's hands found the back of his neck again or when the other landed at the small of his back and dragged his body against the length of Teddy's. Breathing in Teddy's scent, James fists his hands in Teddy's t-shirt, blunt nails dragging over the muscled chest beneath as he buried his face and let it out.

"I killed her," James murmured. "He told me to watch her, and I didn't care, because she'd been bugging me all day and I just wanted to be cool with my friends. I didn't give a shit about my own sister, and if I'd just grabbed her hand, she'd still be alive. It's all my fault. I killed her!" Repeating the words aloud that he'd been thinking his whole life just seemed to melt the weight from his stiff shoulders. "I miss her. Why did she have to die? Goddamn it, Teddy, why couldn't I have saved her? Everyone trusted me to look after her, and I couldn't even handle that."

Teddy was quiet for a long time, letting James say what he needed to say, and acted as a tether to which James could ground himself. Combing his fingers through James' hair over and over with one hand and rubbing his back with the other, Teddy pressed a kiss to the crown of James' head. Beneath him, James whimpered and wrapped his arms more tightly about Teddy's strong middle, feeling incredibly small in comparison.

"Nobody's perfect, James," Teddy said quietly, breaking the silence that had drawn over them like a blanket after James' outburst of a speech. "But you didn't kill her, and it's not your fault."

"Yes, it is," James growled.

"No, James-listen to me." Teddy's voice grew firm again, and he pulled back to hold James at arm's length, leaning down to catch James' gaze with his own. "Lily slipped. She fell. It's nobody's fault, least of all yours. You were a kid, James, and maybe you should've been watching her more closely, but it was an accident, and she wouldn't want you to beat yourself up for the rest of your life over her death, thinking you killed her."

James let out a long sob, his lips quivering. "I don't want to be like this anymore."

"James…"

"I know I'm an awful son, an even worse brother, and nobody likes me, because I'm horrible to everyone, even you, and you shouldn't have to put up with me being like this. I'm so fucked up, Teddy, and the only time I've felt even remotely like I could handle things was when I saved that Blitz-Tail's life."

Teddy smiled with sincerity and wiped James' cheeks with both of his callused hands. "It's amazing what you've done here," he whispered. "You can't be fucked up, because if that's the case, then Charlie and I are even worse off, because you've done more for this reserve than half the people who donate money and don't give an honest shite." He leaned in and kissed James' forehead. "I'm glad you came here, James. Really glad. And as awful as this feels, letting it all out makes you strong."

James shook his head, eyes searching Teddy's for understanding. "I don't feel very strong. I feel like a…"

With a sigh and a quirked brow, Teddy finished his sentence: "A faggot?"

"No," James said, but he lowered his eyes anyway, because he couldn't bear Teddy seeing the look in his own. "I'm…I'm sorry. About that. All of it. I was just…scared." James bowed his head, leaning until his forehead touched Teddy's strong shoulder and he felt Teddy's hand rub the back of his neck again. "Please…don't leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise."

"I promise."

They remained like that for as long as it took for James to still his sobbing and cry out everything he could, until his body was slack in Teddy's arms and they swayed in the evening air. It seemed to last hours, with Teddy's fingers swimming over the back of his neck and Teddy's scent swelling within his nostrils and Teddy's body warm and hard and wonderful against his own, a rock on which to cling to keep him sane.

When James felt as if his legs might give out from both the physical and mental exhaustion that weighed him down, he finally pulled away from Teddy and leaned against the wall instead as he wiped his eyes.

"Sorry," James said hoarsely, his throat raw from crying.

"For what?" Teddy asked, smiling. It seemed like he couldn't stop touching James, as his fingers immediately stroked James' cheek and he brushed his thumb over the swell of James' lips. "This is the first time I've ever seen you like this, and I'm really proud of you. For opening up. It's not easy, not for anyone."

Sniffling, James nodded. He understood. Of course he understood. He remembered then what the Healers and Therapists had told him back when he'd tried to listen to them-the first step was letting it out, coming to terms with the tragedy so that James could look at it from somewhere beyond and see it from outside of himself. At the time, he hadn't understood and thought he never would, but looking at Teddy and having said all he did, he thought maybe he did now.

"Thanks. For, erm, everything."

"No need. I'm here. Whenever you need me and whatever for."

James rolled his eyes and grinned a bit. "Faggot."

"Takes one to know one," Teddy quipped, raising both brows as if in a dare for James to deny it.

Instead of arguing the point as he might have a month ago, James frowned and looked down, studying Teddy's broad chest and the tear-marks James had left to soak it. "How'd you know?" When Teddy didn't immediately answer, James sighed. "I didn't know. Until…recently. I still don't really know."

"It's all right," Teddy said. "Some blokes go their whole lives without really knowing. And that's okay too. You have to go at your own pace. Sexuality is a really weird thing. For me and for a lot of other people, it's ever-changing."

James raised his gaze and felt his face warm. Teddy was still touching him, still close enough to kiss, and James had never kissed anybody before, but he wanted to kiss Teddy so suddenly and overwhelmingly that it hurt from his chest down to his toes.

"And what if I already kind of know?" James asked, voice hoarse for a whole new reason as he leaned in, anticipating what it would feel like to kiss Teddy outside a full fantasy daydream.

"Then you ought to pursue that line of thinking until it's not just a kind of thing."

Teddy leaned in to meet James, and James panicked. Their noses bumped. Teddy laughed, that warm kind of It's-Okay-To-Mess-Up laugh that he'd let loose when James had barely been able to lift a shovel full of dragon dung his first day at the reserve. They tried again, and James freaked out once more. Finally, Teddy slid his fingers to the back of James' neck again, this time with a possessive, aggressive grip. He tugged James' head forward until their lips brushed together. Teddy was quick to slide his tongue into James' mouth, sweeping over every inch he could find.

While James had never been kissed, he had spent a great deal of time fantasizing about what it might be like. It turned out to be better and more intimidating than anything James' puny imagination could have ever dreamed up. Teddy's mouth was hot and wet, his tongue smooth as it lapped over James', and his breath hard and huffed out in pants. It tickled James' spit-slicked mouth on every exhale, made him groan when Teddy teased with the promise of another kiss ghosting over his lips.

Teddy took full control of the kiss, manoeuvred James to get the angles he wanted, and led James beyond the kiss and into something else entirely. It didn't feel like any time had passed and yet it felt an eternity at the same time when Teddy's hands finally hiked James' t-shirt up and over his head and James followed suit and then somehow Teddy was cupping his balls and whispering all the dirty, wonderful, animalistic things he'd like to do to James in his ear. He said things like, "Could slide my dick in so slow it'd take hours before you'd come" and "If I shoved my tongue up your arse like I shove in your mouth, you wouldn't last five minutes." James knew Teddy was right, knew whatever Teddy did, he wouldn't last long at all.

But when he was naked on his back, lying face-up in his bed with Teddy's dick over his hip, he had a moment of absolute panic that if he fucked this up, then it was over between them-this could really screw everything up.

It seemed that Teddy understood the look, because he knelt over James and leaned down to kiss the concave of his flat stomach tenderly. "We won't do anything you're not comfortable with," Teddy said, a statement and not a question. "I could suck you off and be completely bloody content for the night."

James' dick jumped in agreement, precome already leaking from the swollen, red head. "It's okay. I want it all. Please."

Teddy grinned. "I like it when you beg."

Without further ado, Teddy lowered his mouth and licked a line up James' dick. Immediately, James saw stars and had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep from exploding in pleasure from just that one lick. When Teddy did it again, James cried out, both hands finding their place tangling in Teddy's dark blue hair.

"More, please more," James whispered. He could feel the pressure building, down from the tight, hot coil in his stomach to the hang of his balls to the base of his dick to the head, where Teddy was currently lapping like a cat. "Jesus Christ, Teddy, please!"

With the base of James' dick held firmly in hand, Teddy pulled James' dick back slightly and swallowed it whole, sloppily sliding the entire length as far down as it would comfortably go. James had never in his life felt a sensation quite like it, and within minutes of Teddy beginning to bob his head and suck, James came. Shouting out his release, he threw his head back and then lifted it suddenly, wishing to catch some of the white stripes that landed on Teddy's tongue, lips, and on James' hips.

To James' surprise, Teddy leaned down and cleaned him up, licking every single bit of come from his skin and swallowing it without cringe or debate. When he'd effectively cleaned James' skin, Teddy began to suck little love-bites into the sensitive flesh at James' hip, thigh, and pelvis, which only made James want to get off all over again. But his dick was throbbing, body sated with a fine sheen of sweat glistening over his pale form.

Running on pure instinct, James gripped Teddy's hair and yanked him down for another kiss. Teddy tasted like James, like salt and unmentionable things that made James flush and moan and writhe. He felt like he hadn't even orgasmed, like he could come again just from kissing his taste off Teddy's mouth.

"Spread 'em," Teddy commanded, taking hold of James' thighs and lifting them wide and obscene.

Arse exposed, James had to bite back a true, gut-wrenching scream of ecstasy when Teddy's tongue delved between his cheeks. It felt weird at first but wonderful about two point five seconds after, and James gripped the base of his dick and began to stroke it, hissing through his teeth at how sensitive his body was, how responsive to Teddy's passion.

Finally, after James was begging and pleading and warning Teddy he could come again, Teddy slapped James' hand away from his erection.

"Don't touch that again until I say so," Teddy said.

James nodded, pathetically aroused to the point that if Teddy told him to stand on his head, he'd have tried it. He couldn't hide the glint of fear as Teddy tapped his fingers and whispered a spell that James recognized from his private wanks-a lubrication charm. But Teddy didn't give him time to complain or question it; instead, Teddy slipped one finger in, right up to the second joint, before James could refuse.

Arching, James shuddered, feeling actual pain and fear for a moment before Teddy moved his finger and the uncomfortable friction was replaced with a strange, tingling warmth and a pulsing pleasure. Teddy hooked his finger and brushed something that made James think he'd just pissed himself or come-or both, somehow at once. The second Teddy's finger moved, the sensation was gone.

James clawed at Teddy's hand. "More," he growled. "More. There. Please. Gods!"

Only when James was writhing and bucking up into three of Teddy's fingers did Teddy remove them and replace the width with the head of his dick instead. James' eyes widened at the sight, like he hadn't had all this time to notice Teddy was large and that he wanted to put his dick up a hole way too small to fit it.

But James' voice caught in his throat as Teddy urged and guided his dick into him. Through the brief twinge of pain, blinding pleasure washed over him.

"Feels so fucking good," Teddy growled, bracing his hands on either side of James' head as he bent to press their bodies together and steal a kiss. "Tight little arse is all mine."

The possessive dirty talk really did it somehow for James. He gasped and twitched, reaching for his dick, only to have Teddy slap his hand away again.

"Not yet," Teddy said. "Trust me, James. Come on, baby, trust me."

"Keep talking," James demanded, closing his eyes. "And…and move, gods, please, Teddy!"

Teddy began to move, and James might have regretted commanding him to do it if not for the fact that Teddy coupled his first few thrusts with filthy language that made James' head spin. He called James 'baby' and 'sweetheart' but paired those endearments with coarse whispers of 'take it' and 'you love it' and 'goddamn so tight'. James was quite soon a slobbering pile of goo under Teddy's ministrations, and with every thrust that wracked the bed against the wall, James gripped Teddy's tattooed arms a bit tighter.

"Gonna come," Teddy warned. "Touch your dick-while I'm going."

Head spinning, James didn't ask questions but gripped his dick and began to rub and stroke and jerk. For the second time that night, James came. With a grunt, he bucked up against Teddy, riding out his orgasm just as he felt a splash of hot come up inside his arse. Teddy was relentless as he pounded James, but eventually slowed with a shout as he seemed to squeeze the last bits of come out of him.

James was the first one to collapse, the first to pant and wipe his sweaty face, but Teddy was soon to follow after gingerly pulling out of James' abused arse. Laying beside James, Teddy leaned over and found his lips, pulling their sweat and come-slicked bodies together in an obscene way that made James blush and shudder all over again.

"You okay?" Teddy murmured.

"Brilliant," James said, grinning. "Completely buggered."

"Good. That was the aim." Teddy looked at James and brushed the reddish-brown fringe from his sweat-damp forehead. "Mind if I sleep here tonight?"

James bit back a laugh. "No," he whispered, chest tight for a whole new reason. "You can sleep here every fucking night if you do all that first." At the look on Teddy's face, James' smile faltered. "What?"

"I just, ah, realised that you're…sixteen," Teddy muttered.

"Seventeen in a few weeks."

"You know what I mean."

"Please," James argued. "Don't be like that. Don't ruin this just because of a sodding number. I begged for it. Literally. So don't play like you're some predator going after jailbait-it's not like that."

Teddy nodded, smiling in a genuine way as he flopped back down and drew James half on top of him. "Okay. No worries. Won't freak out if you don't, I swear."

James nipped Teddy's nipple, grinning at the sound he elicited. "Good. Now let me go to sleep, for Merlin's sake."

For once, everything felt under control.

oOo

August, 2021

The cake read Happy Birthday James! and while it was just as skinny as James, it was just as tall to boot, every layer a new colour and flavour, filled to the brim on top with seventeen candles flickering in the light breeze that swept through the reserve. James had really never seen anything like it, the towering mess of cake and icing big enough to lie on if he wasn't so keen on eating every last inch of it instead. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so happy and embarrassed at a surprise birthday party.

The weeks since Diver had touched him and since his first sexual experience with Teddy had flown by in a whiz of happy memories and long, hard days working in the German sun. James continued to see Diver whenever he found a chance and even managed to owl his family to tell them about the recent developments. He still couldn't find a way to fire-call them to speak in person, but he had a sneaking suspicion that Teddy and Charlie kept them as up to date as they needed to be. James wasn't surprised when he received a letter by owl post barely a day after his own, which gushed appreciation for the fact that he'd written and enthused that they couldn't wait to see him again once summer ended. Albus had even scrawled a quick note to say it was really cool that James liked the dragons, that he could see James doing well with the likes of Charlie and Teddy working beside him. Somehow, the note from Albus did the worst things to James' insides, making them coil tight and uncomfortably when he remembered all the awful things he'd done to Albus before he left.

But being around the Blitz-Tail nights and weekends became a passion that James couldn't quite describe in words. He tried to tell his parents, Albus, even Teddy, but nothing seemed to do it the justice it deserved. James continued to feel awed by being able to stand in Diver's presence, let along stroke his spine while he ate and extract blood from his tail or scrape his scales. It was easy now to get the things the reserve needed from him to be able to study and classify him.

And it wasn't long before James could introduce people to him. He started with Charlie, because he knew how badly Charlie wanted to get up close to the Blitz-Tail, and after extensive bows from Charlie and reassurance from James, Diver let Charlie snap a few photos and drag his gloved hands over his large talons to measure their length. Then, Teddy was introduced, then a few other workers, until the Blitz-Tail started to approach anyone who accompanied James to find him. As long as James was there, Diver sat or lay down and comfortably allowed any amount of dragon keepers to get near him.

Above everything else, James was proud. He had accomplished something-something that was not only good for the Schwarzwald Reserve but for all the wizards and witches in the world. Once Charlie figured out where the Blitz-Tail had come from and what other magical properties it contained, they'd be able to bottle new potion ingredients, study new medicines, and really help people. James had never thought he'd be a part of something like that, something that made him feel so good inside.

And while he'd said a million times in the past that the day he turned seventeen he'd run away and leave his family behind, James had no designs on that now that he was standing in front of the cake that proclaimed his age in front of the entire reserve. He knew what he wanted to do now, and it didn't include running away from his problems.

"Happy birthday, mate," Teddy said, ruffling James' hair with one firm hand.

James smacked his hand away, a little flush on his cheeks. "You baked this, didn't you?"

"Naw, I'm not great with pastries," Teddy admitted. "We had to hire a few professionals." Waving his hand to the crowd of reserve employees behind him, three people stepped out beyond the gathering.

James' wide grin melted into a surprised, pained kind of look. Before him, his mum, dad, and brother stood with hopeful smiles on their faces. Something about seeing them again, months after he'd shunned and hurt them, brought a lump of emotions struggling in James' throat.

"Hope you don't mind," Teddy said, rubbing James' shoulder. "I thought… I mean, I wasn't sure, but it's your birthday, and-"

"No, it's great," James whispered.

Unable to say anything more, James stumbled forward towards his family. Harry broke into a broad grin, Ginny continued to smile, and Albus looked a bit surprised as James wrapped his arms around his dad's thick waist and buried his face into his chest. Instantly, James was enveloped into the embrace, Harry's strong arms the first to wrap about him but quickly followed by Ginny's from one side and Albus' from the other. They stood like that for a long moment, until James felt a bit embarrassed to be clinging to his family as if he'd never seen them before. Especially in front of the entire reserve, who probably already considered him a baby and… But James held on for a minute more. The embarrassment he might have felt was nothing to the security of the moment in knowing his family did care and had missed him.

"You need to learn to owl more," Albus murmured, nudging James with a worried look on his face once they disentangled, like he wasn't sure if James would punch him for saying that or not.

James just grinned. "Yeah, I know."

"Come on!" Charlie called, marching in front of the reserve and holding one hand up. "We haven't even sung happy birthday yet."

"Oh, no, you don't need to-"

But James had no sooner gotten the words out of his mouth than Charlie started them off with the song. Even though James rolled his eyes and slouched his shoulders, he couldn't help but let the grin spread across his face. Embarrassed or not, it felt good to be wanted and worthy of being wanted as well. He let the camp sing for him, folded his arms to pretend he hated it, and then clapped along with everyone else when the song was through.

"Make a wish and blow out your candles," Teddy teased.

"Um, okay, but how do I get up there to blow them out? That cake's as tall as-hey!"

Teddy lifted James up with a grunt, settling him on his shoulders. It really took no effort at all for Charlie, James knew, but he pretended like James weighed a ton anyway.

"Might want to only take one slice of cake, tubby," Teddy snickered.

"Arsehole," James muttered, but he was still smiling.

Wobbled closer to the cake from Teddy's shoulders, James sucked in a large amount of air, leaned forward and blew the candles out in one, hot rush of air that depleted all the oxygen from his lungs for a moment. Teddy swung him around and set him back down on his feet, and when Teddy leaned in for a kiss, James didn't stop him. Even if everyone saw, including his family, he had no fears, no anxieties, and no reservations about kissing Teddy back and telling the whole world if that was what it took.

"Happy birthday."

"You already said that," James teased, nudging Teddy.

As the cake was cut and slices were passed out, Harry approached James and Teddy, giving Teddy a piercing, searching kind of look.

"I'd like to have a word with you after you eat, Teddy," Harry said.

Teddy looked sheepishly from Harry to James. "Um, if you're going to yell at me, Harry, I'd rather you do it when I don't have a full stomach."

"He's not going to yell," Ginny said, moving to stand beside him. She took Harry's arm, patting it lovingly. "Right, Harry?"

"Oh, I'll bet he was going to yell all right," Albus interrupted, nudging Harry from his opposite side. "I just heard him cursing when you kissed James. He probably thinks you've been perving on him since he was born or something. It is kind of gross, Teddy."

"What?" Teddy howled, eyes wide. "Oh, no, Harry, I swear, I wasn't-I mean, I didn't-"

"I came onto him," James said, shrugging at the look his dad gave him. "And I'm of age and perfectly capable of making my own decisions, thanks."

Harry looked him over and nodded. "I know that, James. I'm just-"

"Worried, I know," James finished. "But Teddy's a good guy. Trust me. And he's not been perving since I was born, by the way. Don't be disgusting."

Harry's face went a little red. "I, erm, wasn't…"

"It's a recent, development, I promise," Teddy appeased, smiling cheekily. "Cake?"

Teddy disappeared behind the other side of the large cake to help hand out slices, leaving the Potter family alone for the moment. James wasn't sure if he planned to do that anyway or if he was just too afraid to be next to Harry after having snogged his son in public.

"Teddy's been telling us about how good you're doing here, James," Ginny said, reaching out to smooth James' hair back. "We're so incredibly proud."

"Thanks." James ducked her further touch to fluff his hair back the way he wanted it.

"Do you think I could come to work with dragons next summer?" Albus asked.

"Speaking of," James said, glancing to his parents. "I…want to stay here."

Ginny and Harry exchanged a look. "You'll be here till Hogwarts, James," Ginny clarified. "That's the rest of the month."

"I mean after that," James said. "Diver needs me. I can't just leave him."

Harry nodded. "We'll have to discuss it later. I'm…open for dialogue about it at the very least."

As they dissolved into conversations about James' time on the reserve and enjoyed the cake, Charlie eventually interrupted to gesture to one large, oddly-wrapped present sitting at the base of the devoured cake.

"Don't you want to open your gift, mate?" Charlie asked, nudging James towards it with a wink.

"Only one?" James quipped. Nevertheless, he knelt before the present and began to rip off the wrapping paper with all his strength. When the gift beneath it all was finally revealed, James' entire body felt slack with gratitude. Running his fingers over the stiff leather of a handmade saddle fit for a Blitz-Tail, James had to struggle to bite back the tears that threatened to rise. An emotion he was still trying to understand swelled inside so strongly that he felt like he really might cry.

"We discussed it," Charlie said, moving to kneel beside James and placing his strong hand atop James' shoulder. "And we all thought that, given Diver's absolute trust in you, he might let you be the first wizard to ride a dragon. For that, you'll need a saddle."

James tipped his head to look at Charlie, about to ask if he was insane, but the look in Charlie's eyes spoke volumes beyond the value of the gift itself. "Thanks," James said, offering a simple, slim smile.

"So?" Teddy asked, inching forward and nudging James as he stood up, saddle in hand. "What do you think?"

Shaking his head, James glanced from his family to the staff at the reserve, whose handiwork could be seen on every facet of the heavy saddle, from the cut of the base to the sewing at the edges to the metal clasps and buckles and the straps and beyond. He was still too overwhelmed to put his thoughts to words, so he just grinned instead, until he was beaming around at everyone, laughing and happy and content to be alive.

"Only one thing left to do," James said, grinning. "Time to ride him."

Hours later, when James at last managed to saddle Diver up and climb aboard, he was seen clumsily flying across the edges of the river, winding through the trees and hanging on for dear life. The smile that lit his face up was matched only by a look of determination and contentment the likes of which no one recalled seeing on James until that moment.