fic: The Danger in Listening, Chapter Six
Title: The Danger in Listening: Chapter Six
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,628
Warnings: DARK SUBJECT MATTER, dubcon, chan (Scorp is 16, though it's never explicitly stated), roughsex, major angst, self-hate, infidelity, humiliation, dirty talk, and a smattering of AS/S
Summary: Harry gives in and Scorpius deals with the unforgiving consequences.
Notes: Chapter six in The Danger in Listening series (finally, I know), so start there first because otherwise this makes no sense. I really hope it doesn't disappoint, but in my defense, this is one of my absolute favorite chapters, dark as it may be.
Thanks loads to noeon for the fantastic "BJ" (beta-job). Without her, this chapter would have been absolute drivel.
"Please leave the reports with one of the Aurors outside," Harry said, and Scorpius was incredibly pleased to note he was wriggling uncomfortably in his chair, hunched a bit over his desk to hide his erection, which was still hanging out of his trousers, still hard, still waiting for his mouth. It was, of course, considerably less hard since Draco had entered the office, but Scorpius was at least glad of that-it proved he wasn't some sick substitution for his father.
Scorpius sighed and leaned against the backing of the desk carefully, licking his dry lips. His stupid father. Of all the bloody Ministry officials who could have walked in, it had to be his father and it had to be just then, just as Harry was about to shove into his mouth. Shuddering, Scorpius looked up, watching the slight twitch of Harry's dick as the sound of Draco's boots drew closer.
"Can't even bother to read them yourself?" Draco asked behind gritted teeth. Scorpius jumped as he heard the large stack of papers slam onto Harry's desk.
"Promise I'll get to them first thing in the morning, Malfoy," Harry said with forced kindness. Even Scorpius could tell Harry was about to snap.
"You owl my department a half dozen times nearly begging me to bring the reports so you could ensure their accuracy, and now you simply can't be bothered? What could you be doing that is possibly more important than reading my reports, Potter?"
Scorpius tensed, as did Harry, when Draco's shadow became visible alongside Harry's desk. Scorpius suddenly didn't feel aroused at all, because the thought of being caught by his father under Harry's desk left him cold and truly frightened. He wasn't sure what his father would do to Harry, and his earlier threats about having Harry carted off to Azkaban paled in comparison. This was serious. They would both be in an unending amount of trouble, and he'd certainly never be allowed over at the Potter house again, and he'd never have a chance to get what he wanted or see Al or so much as know what it was like to be fucked madly and touched. Merlin, he wanted to be touched now, more than anything.
"Oh, Merlin's beard, Potter!" Draco hissed, and Scorpius could see his shadow pulling away with lightning speed.
"I told you to leave the reports outside," Harry snarled, and to Scorpius' shock and hysterical delight, Harry stood up fully, his half-hard erection in full view now. "I'm a bit busy, as you can see."
"I certainly can! Please, Potter, put it away before you blind me, for fuck's sake."
As Scorpius crawled forward a bit, he caught Harry's grin in the soft light above and thought suddenly how handsome Harry really was. Scorpius hadn't exaggerated when he said Harry would never grow old. Even at this moment, in Scorpius' eyes Harry Potter was larger than life, a figure of great acclaim. He admired the strong line of Harry's jaw, the muscles twitching in his throat, even the way his hair fell about his face, and Merlin but the faint, aged scar on his forehead certainly didn't help Scorpius' sudden, overwhelming desire to show himself and have Harry fuck him right there on his desk, in full view of his father.
Scorpius shoved his hand into his trousers and gave himself a good, firm tug. Yes, that was what he wanted. It was perfect, just kneeling there under Harry's desk, tugging at himself as he listened to Harry growl and command and Merlin but it was so good.
"Now you've got a good look, mind leaving me to it?" Harry asked, his tone cold, as if Draco had been in the wrong for doing his job. It was just the kind of sneering retort that got Scorpius off, so he imagined Harry was whispering the words onto his dick, his mouth wet on it, warm.
"If that is how you run your department, then -"
"I'm about to run my department up your arse if you don't leave, Malfoy!" Harry growled, and Scorpius watched him move out from behind his desk like a hawk diving for the kill.
It was impossible that he could be so close without having Harry touch him, but the same things always got Scorpius off-power, control, patience. Harry was his perfect prey and yet somehow so far above him, above the idea of this infidelity, this affair. It was almost humiliating to be so close to failing, and at that realization, Scorpius stilled his trembling fist and exhaled as hard as he dared. No, he wouldn't come like this, not without Harry's hand on him. He wouldn't fail.
Scorpius didn't even hear his father leave-all he heard was a soft grunt of disgust and the heavy slam of Harry's office door before silence enveloped them once more. Breathing heavily, Scorpius tucked himself back into his trousers and crawled out from under the desk, peeking over it cautiously. He could see Harry at the door, casting a charm at it.
"That was close," Scorpius said, grinning. He got to his feet, watching the muscles in Harry's arm work as he finished locking the door. Harry was strong, his muscles thick under his Auror's robes. When Harry didn't immediately respond to him, Scorpius cleared his throat and started to repeat himself, then realized that he still wasn't uttering a single sound.
Harry turned, as if he had just remembered Scorpius was still there, and Scorpius tried to tell him Fix my mouth, but Harry just grinned.
"I rather like you this way, I think," Harry murmured, moving forward very slowly, his cock still hanging firmly out of his trousers. It was slightly more erect now they were alone again, and Scorpius found he couldn't look at anything else. It was so big, so thick, and he still ached to touch it. "What would you do if I just left the spell the way it is and you were never able to speak again?"
"I'd hate you,' Scorpius mouthed, and he couldn't have been more serious except Harry was laughing at him and though infuriating it was also sexy. The humiliation had an altogether horrible effect on his aching dick-it made the ache burn all the way down to his balls.
"I'm up here," Harry said, reaching out to tip Scorpius' chin up until the motion forced their eyes to meet. Harry's gaze was sincere if not troubled, alight with the kind of emotions Scorpius had never liked seeing in other men-tenderness, kindness, honesty. Those emotions were too disarming for Scorpius' selfish callousness. "That's better."
Scorpius didn't like being back in such a submissive pose, so he jerked his face away and gripped Harry's cock, shoving forward to kiss him. Harry intercepted the kiss by cupping his palm over Scorpius' mouth, but he wasn't fast enough to keepScorpius' fingers from wrapping around his dick at the base. Scorpius gripped him then, hard, to make a point.
"You want me", he mouthed behind Harry's palm and wished for once Harry could hear the desperation in his voice. "You're sick, just like me. You need this."
"Scorpius," Harry said, resolve once again at its end as they stared at one another. Harry's eyes burned with the passion Scorpius knew was reserved solely for him. No one had ever made Harry Potter feel this way, he was sure of it; so off balance and needy that he was willing to sacrifice his position, his family, everything, just for one brilliant shag.
It almost made Scorpius laugh, except all he could do was sneer and lick at Harry's palm to get him to let up with the force of holding his face like that. But Harry didn't seem to mind it. In fact, Harry's eyes lost a bit of their color the more he went on, so Scorpius tipped his head with a jerk and swallowed one of Harry's fingers. When Harry groaned, Scorpius did too.
"Please," he begged, and finally, Harry seemed to hear that, because his hips bucked forcefully into Scorpius' grip, which tightened around him.
Without warning, Harry wrangled Scorpius and shoved him over the desk. Face-down, Scorpius gasped soundlessly, shuddering with pleasure. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins-he needed this, needed Harry bloody Potter to shove inside him, pound him, fill him, ruin him, be his first, his only, the one thing he'd never dared allow himself.
Tipping his head, Scorpius attempted to look over his shoulder at Harry and wound up instead with a strong fist in his hair, shoving his cheek down flat to the desk. Scorpius sweated over his father's important documents-he could barely make out the words Department of Experimental Charms in the header before he lost focus.
With Harry's breath was at the back of his neck, and Scorpius' cock throbbed against the thin material of his slacks. He had never wanted anything more than he wanted Harry inside him, and yet the adrenaline pulsing through him also had a lot to do with the fear of the action itself. Harry knew it, Harry knew he had never had sex, that no one had ever managed to get so far with him, and yet he was allowing himself to lose control with Scorpius in turn. It was a struggle, a power play, a dangerous move towards the edge of their desire.
Harry pulled Scorpius' trousers and pants down in one go. Scorpius felt his face throb hotly, embarrassment coursing through him. He was too skinny, having never worked out a day in his life. He was pale, because he hated being outside, preferred a good book indoors to Quidditch or lounging by a lake. Harry was everything Scorpius was not, could never be-what would he think of his body?
With a gasp that was silent in the air, Scorpius felt something slick enter him and he gripped the desk, biting into the stack of papers his father had delivered, his fingernails tearing against the fine wood. He cried out, but his voice was trapped in his throat, soundless in the space between them.
"Is this what you want?" Harry asked, voice low and growling as he bent his body over Scorpius and mouthed at his throat. "It is, isn't it? Hard, fast, passionate but without mercy?" Harry's fingers punctuated his words roughly, over and over, until Scorpius' knees began to buckle. "Did you think I wouldn't give in? Did you think you could run your mouth and flaunt yourself at me at every turn and I would just continue to be the good guy, the hero? Did you think I was above fucking a boy your age? A virgin? Did you think I'd never done this before?"
"No," Scorpius whined, voice silent as another finger worked into him. "No, I never thought those things-oh fuck, Harry, please, I never…"
"And now you want more, don't you? You thought you could come in here and take the lead, and now look at you-easily pushed over my desk, easily spread, easily taken. It's what you want, it's what you've always wanted, for someone else to take everything from you, no matter what you say."
"Yes, please, just do it, I want it, I've always wanted it, always, always-Harry, please, please…"
Harry wasn't gentle with him. When he pushed his cock inside, he did it in one swift motion to the hilt, where Scorpius had always imagined he might have taken it slow, worked his dick in carefully, so that he wouldn't hurt Scorpius. But without words to say it hurt, Harry was ruthless with his body. It wasn't just about giving Scorpius what he said he'd always wanted-it was about Harry getting off, getting what he wanted too. No one was above that kind of selfish indulgence, Scorpius understood; not even Harry Potter. In the end, it was always about who was in charge, who won.
Harry's fist in Scorpius' hair tugged and shoved and jerked; Scorpius bobbed his head where he was directed, cheek sweaty against the documents that stuck to his skin. Fucked with brutal precision, Scorpius panted and gasped wordlessly, mouthing against his father's papers on Harry's desk, biting holes in them when a thrust was particularly vicious. When Harry shifted finally, grasping Scorpius' hips with bruising force, the angle was different inside him. Harry's dick thrust against a spot that drove Scorpius to the edge of sanity.
With a soundless shout, Scorpius came. Muscles tightening, throbbing, contracting, he thrashed against Harry's desk as wet, hot heat spread out of his dick, soaking his pants and trousers, spurting against the wood of the desk. His legs threatened to give out, shaking on his tiptoes, but Harry didn't let him collapse. In fact, as Scorpius came down from his orgasm, he realized it had fueled Harry to thrust harder, deeper, faster. Every movement burned his tight body.
And then, just like that, Scorpius shuddered, Harry's warm, wet heat swelling inside him. He felt Harry's orgasm clearly; Harry punctuated every jerk of his dick with another thrust, and Scorpius let out a low keening moan as his eyes rolled. Being filled with Harry's seed felt better and worse than anything he'd ever known. It burned, part of it hurt, but it was somehow fulfilling, right, perfect.
They remained that way for a long time; Scorpius bent over Harry's desk as his legs trembled and Harry's dick deep inside his body, Harry's hands massaging Scorpius' hips and sides where he'd bruised the skin. After a moment, Harry pulled out, and Scorpius cried out, soundless with the spell still in place-there was no part of that movement that felt good.
Slumping over the desk, Scorpius let his legs give out and he slid back onto his knees in front of the desk, face-to-face with his own come dribbling down the smooth wooden surface. Panting, head bowed, Scorpius tried to steady his breathing, to come down from the orgasm and the pain and to quell the swelling feeling of guilt, humiliation, and disgust.
Behind him, he could hear the rustle of clothes that suggested Harry was pulling himself together. The bitter bite of tears stung at the backs of Scorpius' eyes, but he held himself in check and instead focused on keeping his defenses up, hiding the shame and repulsion that was evident with every shudder of his aching muscles. It was just that this was the moment he had never been able to plan out in his head-the moment after sex. What was he supposed to do, get dressed and pretend nothing had ever happened between them? Walk out of the office, bid Harry a good afternoon, and go home to the Manor, alone?
"Are you…are you all right, Scorpius?" Harry whispered, resting a hand on Scorpius' shoulder. He was tender now, gentle, and it was repulsive to Scorpius, so he jerked away from it.
"Fine," Scorpius barked and then winced as he realized Harry still couldn't fucking hear him.
Stumbling to his feet, he didn't dare turn around; looking at Harry would just make him more nauseous. So he pulled up his trousers, fixed them, and patted himself down with shaking hands.
"Scorpius, come here, so I can-"
But Scorpius didn't let Harry finish. Whatever it was Harry wanted, Scorpius didn't want to give him any more.
********
The only place Scorpius wanted to be was also the one place he knew he shouldn't go. But it was undeniable, the pull he felt inside to see Albus, to talk to him or just fall asleep beside him, to wrap himself in the comfort of Al's bed. Albus' company was the one thing Scorpius knew would numb the ache and humiliation he felt inside. Albus was the only one who would understand what it meant that Scorpius had allowed someone into his body, that he had come in front of them, and that he had been vulnerable in ways Scorpius never wanted before. Albus would be able to help just by offering his arms, his bed, and the familiar scent of his body. The only thing Scorpius wanted was to be surrounded by familiarity, comfort, understanding.
It was still light out when Scorpius arrived at the Potter household. Albus was sitting on his bed when Scorpius found him, reading a large book Scorpius didn't recognize. Scorpius knocked at his bedroom door halfheartedly; he'd never had reason to knock before, but he and Albus hadn't spoken in a week, and Scorpius felt unusually guilty after everything that had happened recently.
"Scorpius?" Albus called, brows knitted as he looked up from his tome. His eyes searched Scorpius' face cautiously. "Are you all right?"
"No," Scorpius mouthed, nostrils flaring to keep the emotion out of his features. It was bad enough feeling emotionally drained; he didn't want to start sobbing in front of Albus again as well.
Albus set his book aside and motioned to the bed. "Um, are you going to come in or what?"
Scorpius entered and closed the door. Withdrawing his wand, he wrote in the air between them, I can't speak, and pocketed his wand again after.
Albus snorted and patted the bed beside him. "Magic?" When Scorpius nodded in response, Albus laughed again. "It's all right. I can take care of that. Just lucky for you my dad lifted the ban on underage magic last year. Now, sit still and let me try this." Removing his wand from the bedside table, Albus waved it at Scorpius several times, in a complex manner, and whispered the counter curse. "So what happened? You look like shite."
"I had sex," Scorpius blurted hoarsely, the first words he'd managed to speak in hours. Saying it out loud was frightening to him; it made the whole ordeal real, tangible and filthy in its starkness.
Albus' face paled, and the handsome lines of his face hardened. "You…"
"Had sex," Scorpius finished, taking a seat slowly on the bed. His ass was a bit sore, but he supposed that was to be expected. It was, strangely, something he had never considered about the aftermath of sex: somehow, he had always thought he would be left feeling happy about his decision. Rubbing at his throat, as if that would help the sound of his voice, he felt Albus' eyes on him and looked up to meet them. What he saw alarmed him-Albus looked as if he was about to punch Scorpius square in the nose. "Need me to draw you a diagram?" he drawled, bitterness throbbing against the swallow of his words.
"I've already had sex, you twat," Albus snarled, the greens of his eyes dark with his anger. "You should remember, as the one who coerced me into it."
"I never coerced-"
"Merlin's fucking beard, you did too, and you know it!" Albus was breathing heavily, his fingers balled into fists on his thighs. When Scorpius looked down at Albus' hands, he saw the blue veins bulging and throbbing with each shudder of his fist. "So," Albus went on, voice hard and unforgiving. "Who was it?" Scorpius' silence seemed to irritate Albus even more; he shifted around uncomfortably on the bed. "Zabini, right? That bloody awful little fuck was your first? He would cast a silencing spell to shut you up."
"No. Zabini wouldn't know where to put it if his life depended on it."
"If you say it was Teddy, I am going to punch you in the face," Albus growled. "He doesn't fucking deserve to-"
"And you weren't about to snog his tongue off the other night?" Scorpius spat. "So he deserves someone like you but not someone like me?"
"It was Teddy," Albus decided, snarling like an animal as he leaned towards Scorpius menacingly. "You let him-"
"No!" Scorpius shouted, voice cracking so loud he was sure he could have woken half of Britain. Launching himself from the bed, he headed for the door. "Fucking idiot. I don't know why I bother with you." It was impossible for anyone but Scorpius to feel what he was feeling; trying to explain it to Albus was just going to make things worse. Seeing that now, all Scorpius wanted to do was be alone. His skin felt itchy, dirty, like all the hot water and soap in the world wouldn't be able to scrub the feeling off.
Albus intercepted Scorpius before he'd made it to the door, shoving him towards the bed. Scorpius stumbled, falling back awkwardly against the chair at Albus' desk as he tried to brace himself. On his knees, he watched Albus approach and adrenaline surged through his body. All the rage he felt towards Harry, all the pain that was boiling through his veins, every inch of aching muscle that throbbed in his desire for self-destruction found a new target. Albus was easy to take down. One shove, as Scorpius charged him, and they were wrestling on the floor like beasts, hard-muscled and lean as they fought for dominance. Scorpius could taste Albus' aggression, his soured need.
Scorpius had never felt such hatred in his life. It was as if someone had gutted him of the only thing that mattered and left him an empty shell, a dried carcass of a body with nothing but skin and bone and fury. More than anything, he wanted to rip out the things that mattered to Albus in turn, because no one deserved to be filled with happiness if Scorpius couldn't be.
Albus shoved and punched at him, much more powerful in physical strength but lacking cunning; Scorpius was quick and the adrenaline coursing through his blood fed his desire for blood, for power, for control, even when his blows landed soft against Albus' face. Well-matched, Scorpius soon felt the adrenaline weakening, fading from his blood. Muscles tired, his body began to shut down, offering Albus the upper hand.
"You're such an arrogant little prick!" Albus screamed, tearing at Scorpius' hair.
"You were supposed to fucking understand!" Scorpius countered, breathless as he found himself face-down, hands pulled behind his back, a knee shoved hard between his legs. Winded, he was unable to argue the rest of his point.
"You think you're the only one who matters? You think I'm going to sit here and stroke your ego like we're best mates or something? You treat me like some kind of toy, some thing that helps you get off, but it's never about me or how I feel or what I want."
"That's because I don't give a toss!"
Scorpius wished he could have the words back the moment they sliced the air between them, but there was no undoing this, no way to go back and change the events he'd thrust upon himself. Beneath Albus' strong body, Scorpius let out a sob of frustration, tears once again prickling at his eyes. If Albus heard the noise, he didn't let on.
"Yeah? Well, that's fantastic," Albus growled, ripping at Scorpius' trousers and pants.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Scorpius gasped, the surge of fear kicking his heart rate up to a blistering speed. Struggling in earnest, he managed to throw Albus off balance. Albus fell off of his body long enough for Scorpius to stumble to his feet, tripping over his trousers to get away from him.
Albus' fingers caught Scorpius' arm, and they wrestled again for control until Albus threw Scorpius to the bed and straddled him easily. Scorpius was half-hard from the fight, from the sheer lack of choice-the things he had always thought he wanted, the things Harry had ripped from him-but the rest of his body reminded him how much he'd regretted his first fuck; he wasn't about to let the second one be the same.
"You are a sick sod," Albus exhaled, panting atop him as he caught sight of Scorpius' erection. "Is this all I had to do? Tackle and restrain you to get what I want?"
Scorpius' eyes widened and he stopped struggling long enough to really look at Albus, the other boy's hair flying up in all directions, chest heaving, cheeks roughed and pink. "What you want? No." He gasped for breath as Albus shifted to sit further atop him. "No! I don't give a toss."
Albus reached up and pinned both of Scorpius' hands above his head. Transferring them to one hand, Albus held him there until he could snatch his wand from the nightstand. Tapping Scorpius' wrists, Albus grinned and sat back, watching Scorpius writhe in front of him.
"Al, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Exactly what you want." Albus leaned down, grinding his teeth a bit as he looked over Scorpius' face, his swelling chest, his arching hips. "Is this how he took you? Is this how you like it? Restrained, without any choice?"
"No," Scorpius whimpered, voice cracking again pathetically.
Albus was shuddering on top of him and Scorpius feared a dreadful repeat of the same humiliation he'd felt with Harry, this time with full foreknowledge of what it would be like. He couldn't bear to look at Albus and turned his head away, trying to steel himself for what would come next. Whatever he had thought before he'd chosen to come to Albus first seemed a joke now-Albus was the very last person who would ever understand.
The silence dragged on between them for a long moment before Albus broke it with the counter-curse to release Scorpius' wrists from above his head. When Scorpius felt the pressure released, he opened his eyes and brought his fingers to his wrist, massaging each one in turn.
Albus dragged his hands through his hair, shaking with the last remnants of his rage as he gazed down at Scorpius with a deep, concerned frown. "If all you were after was losing your virginity to some stranger, if you didn't care who it was, if all that mattered was a warm body and a hard dick…the least you could have done was ask me." Albus' strong shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'd have…well, you know, I'd have been glad to do it, and you wouldn't look like an absolute mess, and I wouldn't just leave you, and you should know by now that you can fucking trust me. You didn't have to just give yourself over to some random bloke, just because you felt like you were missing out or something."
"I just…need you," Scorpius croaked, his voice soft and low, the words meant only for Albus and the secrecy of the room they shared. The words weren't perfect, but he couldn't find a way to rephrase them in the way he needed. He wasn't sure he knew what the right words were or if they would make a difference.
Scorpius watched Albus cautiously, heart still racing. They had never looked at one another the way they were looking now; some part of Scorpius tore at the sight of it. He didn't want to feel the flutter in his stomach, the sweat at his brow, the clench in his throat, but when Albus leaned down to kiss him, Scorpius didn't stop him.
Pressing against the fullness of Albus' lips, Scorpius tangled both hands in his hair, sickened by the amount of desire pooling in his stomach. The throb of blood in his dick disgusted Scorpius, but as he hardened, he thrust up against Albus and plunged off the deep end into the emptiness that ripped him apart. It was beyond understanding now, the ugly reality of his humiliation incomprehensible as his numb denial mixed with the taste of Albus' tongue and the bitter familiarity of his scent.
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 4,628
Warnings: DARK SUBJECT MATTER, dubcon, chan (Scorp is 16, though it's never explicitly stated), roughsex, major angst, self-hate, infidelity, humiliation, dirty talk, and a smattering of AS/S
Summary: Harry gives in and Scorpius deals with the unforgiving consequences.
Notes: Chapter six in The Danger in Listening series (finally, I know), so start there first because otherwise this makes no sense. I really hope it doesn't disappoint, but in my defense, this is one of my absolute favorite chapters, dark as it may be.
Thanks loads to noeon for the fantastic "BJ" (beta-job). Without her, this chapter would have been absolute drivel.
"Please leave the reports with one of the Aurors outside," Harry said, and Scorpius was incredibly pleased to note he was wriggling uncomfortably in his chair, hunched a bit over his desk to hide his erection, which was still hanging out of his trousers, still hard, still waiting for his mouth. It was, of course, considerably less hard since Draco had entered the office, but Scorpius was at least glad of that-it proved he wasn't some sick substitution for his father.
Scorpius sighed and leaned against the backing of the desk carefully, licking his dry lips. His stupid father. Of all the bloody Ministry officials who could have walked in, it had to be his father and it had to be just then, just as Harry was about to shove into his mouth. Shuddering, Scorpius looked up, watching the slight twitch of Harry's dick as the sound of Draco's boots drew closer.
"Can't even bother to read them yourself?" Draco asked behind gritted teeth. Scorpius jumped as he heard the large stack of papers slam onto Harry's desk.
"Promise I'll get to them first thing in the morning, Malfoy," Harry said with forced kindness. Even Scorpius could tell Harry was about to snap.
"You owl my department a half dozen times nearly begging me to bring the reports so you could ensure their accuracy, and now you simply can't be bothered? What could you be doing that is possibly more important than reading my reports, Potter?"
Scorpius tensed, as did Harry, when Draco's shadow became visible alongside Harry's desk. Scorpius suddenly didn't feel aroused at all, because the thought of being caught by his father under Harry's desk left him cold and truly frightened. He wasn't sure what his father would do to Harry, and his earlier threats about having Harry carted off to Azkaban paled in comparison. This was serious. They would both be in an unending amount of trouble, and he'd certainly never be allowed over at the Potter house again, and he'd never have a chance to get what he wanted or see Al or so much as know what it was like to be fucked madly and touched. Merlin, he wanted to be touched now, more than anything.
"Oh, Merlin's beard, Potter!" Draco hissed, and Scorpius could see his shadow pulling away with lightning speed.
"I told you to leave the reports outside," Harry snarled, and to Scorpius' shock and hysterical delight, Harry stood up fully, his half-hard erection in full view now. "I'm a bit busy, as you can see."
"I certainly can! Please, Potter, put it away before you blind me, for fuck's sake."
As Scorpius crawled forward a bit, he caught Harry's grin in the soft light above and thought suddenly how handsome Harry really was. Scorpius hadn't exaggerated when he said Harry would never grow old. Even at this moment, in Scorpius' eyes Harry Potter was larger than life, a figure of great acclaim. He admired the strong line of Harry's jaw, the muscles twitching in his throat, even the way his hair fell about his face, and Merlin but the faint, aged scar on his forehead certainly didn't help Scorpius' sudden, overwhelming desire to show himself and have Harry fuck him right there on his desk, in full view of his father.
Scorpius shoved his hand into his trousers and gave himself a good, firm tug. Yes, that was what he wanted. It was perfect, just kneeling there under Harry's desk, tugging at himself as he listened to Harry growl and command and Merlin but it was so good.
"Now you've got a good look, mind leaving me to it?" Harry asked, his tone cold, as if Draco had been in the wrong for doing his job. It was just the kind of sneering retort that got Scorpius off, so he imagined Harry was whispering the words onto his dick, his mouth wet on it, warm.
"If that is how you run your department, then -"
"I'm about to run my department up your arse if you don't leave, Malfoy!" Harry growled, and Scorpius watched him move out from behind his desk like a hawk diving for the kill.
It was impossible that he could be so close without having Harry touch him, but the same things always got Scorpius off-power, control, patience. Harry was his perfect prey and yet somehow so far above him, above the idea of this infidelity, this affair. It was almost humiliating to be so close to failing, and at that realization, Scorpius stilled his trembling fist and exhaled as hard as he dared. No, he wouldn't come like this, not without Harry's hand on him. He wouldn't fail.
Scorpius didn't even hear his father leave-all he heard was a soft grunt of disgust and the heavy slam of Harry's office door before silence enveloped them once more. Breathing heavily, Scorpius tucked himself back into his trousers and crawled out from under the desk, peeking over it cautiously. He could see Harry at the door, casting a charm at it.
"That was close," Scorpius said, grinning. He got to his feet, watching the muscles in Harry's arm work as he finished locking the door. Harry was strong, his muscles thick under his Auror's robes. When Harry didn't immediately respond to him, Scorpius cleared his throat and started to repeat himself, then realized that he still wasn't uttering a single sound.
Harry turned, as if he had just remembered Scorpius was still there, and Scorpius tried to tell him Fix my mouth, but Harry just grinned.
"I rather like you this way, I think," Harry murmured, moving forward very slowly, his cock still hanging firmly out of his trousers. It was slightly more erect now they were alone again, and Scorpius found he couldn't look at anything else. It was so big, so thick, and he still ached to touch it. "What would you do if I just left the spell the way it is and you were never able to speak again?"
"I'd hate you,' Scorpius mouthed, and he couldn't have been more serious except Harry was laughing at him and though infuriating it was also sexy. The humiliation had an altogether horrible effect on his aching dick-it made the ache burn all the way down to his balls.
"I'm up here," Harry said, reaching out to tip Scorpius' chin up until the motion forced their eyes to meet. Harry's gaze was sincere if not troubled, alight with the kind of emotions Scorpius had never liked seeing in other men-tenderness, kindness, honesty. Those emotions were too disarming for Scorpius' selfish callousness. "That's better."
Scorpius didn't like being back in such a submissive pose, so he jerked his face away and gripped Harry's cock, shoving forward to kiss him. Harry intercepted the kiss by cupping his palm over Scorpius' mouth, but he wasn't fast enough to keepScorpius' fingers from wrapping around his dick at the base. Scorpius gripped him then, hard, to make a point.
"You want me", he mouthed behind Harry's palm and wished for once Harry could hear the desperation in his voice. "You're sick, just like me. You need this."
"Scorpius," Harry said, resolve once again at its end as they stared at one another. Harry's eyes burned with the passion Scorpius knew was reserved solely for him. No one had ever made Harry Potter feel this way, he was sure of it; so off balance and needy that he was willing to sacrifice his position, his family, everything, just for one brilliant shag.
It almost made Scorpius laugh, except all he could do was sneer and lick at Harry's palm to get him to let up with the force of holding his face like that. But Harry didn't seem to mind it. In fact, Harry's eyes lost a bit of their color the more he went on, so Scorpius tipped his head with a jerk and swallowed one of Harry's fingers. When Harry groaned, Scorpius did too.
"Please," he begged, and finally, Harry seemed to hear that, because his hips bucked forcefully into Scorpius' grip, which tightened around him.
Without warning, Harry wrangled Scorpius and shoved him over the desk. Face-down, Scorpius gasped soundlessly, shuddering with pleasure. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins-he needed this, needed Harry bloody Potter to shove inside him, pound him, fill him, ruin him, be his first, his only, the one thing he'd never dared allow himself.
Tipping his head, Scorpius attempted to look over his shoulder at Harry and wound up instead with a strong fist in his hair, shoving his cheek down flat to the desk. Scorpius sweated over his father's important documents-he could barely make out the words Department of Experimental Charms in the header before he lost focus.
With Harry's breath was at the back of his neck, and Scorpius' cock throbbed against the thin material of his slacks. He had never wanted anything more than he wanted Harry inside him, and yet the adrenaline pulsing through him also had a lot to do with the fear of the action itself. Harry knew it, Harry knew he had never had sex, that no one had ever managed to get so far with him, and yet he was allowing himself to lose control with Scorpius in turn. It was a struggle, a power play, a dangerous move towards the edge of their desire.
Harry pulled Scorpius' trousers and pants down in one go. Scorpius felt his face throb hotly, embarrassment coursing through him. He was too skinny, having never worked out a day in his life. He was pale, because he hated being outside, preferred a good book indoors to Quidditch or lounging by a lake. Harry was everything Scorpius was not, could never be-what would he think of his body?
With a gasp that was silent in the air, Scorpius felt something slick enter him and he gripped the desk, biting into the stack of papers his father had delivered, his fingernails tearing against the fine wood. He cried out, but his voice was trapped in his throat, soundless in the space between them.
"Is this what you want?" Harry asked, voice low and growling as he bent his body over Scorpius and mouthed at his throat. "It is, isn't it? Hard, fast, passionate but without mercy?" Harry's fingers punctuated his words roughly, over and over, until Scorpius' knees began to buckle. "Did you think I wouldn't give in? Did you think you could run your mouth and flaunt yourself at me at every turn and I would just continue to be the good guy, the hero? Did you think I was above fucking a boy your age? A virgin? Did you think I'd never done this before?"
"No," Scorpius whined, voice silent as another finger worked into him. "No, I never thought those things-oh fuck, Harry, please, I never…"
"And now you want more, don't you? You thought you could come in here and take the lead, and now look at you-easily pushed over my desk, easily spread, easily taken. It's what you want, it's what you've always wanted, for someone else to take everything from you, no matter what you say."
"Yes, please, just do it, I want it, I've always wanted it, always, always-Harry, please, please…"
Harry wasn't gentle with him. When he pushed his cock inside, he did it in one swift motion to the hilt, where Scorpius had always imagined he might have taken it slow, worked his dick in carefully, so that he wouldn't hurt Scorpius. But without words to say it hurt, Harry was ruthless with his body. It wasn't just about giving Scorpius what he said he'd always wanted-it was about Harry getting off, getting what he wanted too. No one was above that kind of selfish indulgence, Scorpius understood; not even Harry Potter. In the end, it was always about who was in charge, who won.
Harry's fist in Scorpius' hair tugged and shoved and jerked; Scorpius bobbed his head where he was directed, cheek sweaty against the documents that stuck to his skin. Fucked with brutal precision, Scorpius panted and gasped wordlessly, mouthing against his father's papers on Harry's desk, biting holes in them when a thrust was particularly vicious. When Harry shifted finally, grasping Scorpius' hips with bruising force, the angle was different inside him. Harry's dick thrust against a spot that drove Scorpius to the edge of sanity.
With a soundless shout, Scorpius came. Muscles tightening, throbbing, contracting, he thrashed against Harry's desk as wet, hot heat spread out of his dick, soaking his pants and trousers, spurting against the wood of the desk. His legs threatened to give out, shaking on his tiptoes, but Harry didn't let him collapse. In fact, as Scorpius came down from his orgasm, he realized it had fueled Harry to thrust harder, deeper, faster. Every movement burned his tight body.
And then, just like that, Scorpius shuddered, Harry's warm, wet heat swelling inside him. He felt Harry's orgasm clearly; Harry punctuated every jerk of his dick with another thrust, and Scorpius let out a low keening moan as his eyes rolled. Being filled with Harry's seed felt better and worse than anything he'd ever known. It burned, part of it hurt, but it was somehow fulfilling, right, perfect.
They remained that way for a long time; Scorpius bent over Harry's desk as his legs trembled and Harry's dick deep inside his body, Harry's hands massaging Scorpius' hips and sides where he'd bruised the skin. After a moment, Harry pulled out, and Scorpius cried out, soundless with the spell still in place-there was no part of that movement that felt good.
Slumping over the desk, Scorpius let his legs give out and he slid back onto his knees in front of the desk, face-to-face with his own come dribbling down the smooth wooden surface. Panting, head bowed, Scorpius tried to steady his breathing, to come down from the orgasm and the pain and to quell the swelling feeling of guilt, humiliation, and disgust.
Behind him, he could hear the rustle of clothes that suggested Harry was pulling himself together. The bitter bite of tears stung at the backs of Scorpius' eyes, but he held himself in check and instead focused on keeping his defenses up, hiding the shame and repulsion that was evident with every shudder of his aching muscles. It was just that this was the moment he had never been able to plan out in his head-the moment after sex. What was he supposed to do, get dressed and pretend nothing had ever happened between them? Walk out of the office, bid Harry a good afternoon, and go home to the Manor, alone?
"Are you…are you all right, Scorpius?" Harry whispered, resting a hand on Scorpius' shoulder. He was tender now, gentle, and it was repulsive to Scorpius, so he jerked away from it.
"Fine," Scorpius barked and then winced as he realized Harry still couldn't fucking hear him.
Stumbling to his feet, he didn't dare turn around; looking at Harry would just make him more nauseous. So he pulled up his trousers, fixed them, and patted himself down with shaking hands.
"Scorpius, come here, so I can-"
But Scorpius didn't let Harry finish. Whatever it was Harry wanted, Scorpius didn't want to give him any more.
********
The only place Scorpius wanted to be was also the one place he knew he shouldn't go. But it was undeniable, the pull he felt inside to see Albus, to talk to him or just fall asleep beside him, to wrap himself in the comfort of Al's bed. Albus' company was the one thing Scorpius knew would numb the ache and humiliation he felt inside. Albus was the only one who would understand what it meant that Scorpius had allowed someone into his body, that he had come in front of them, and that he had been vulnerable in ways Scorpius never wanted before. Albus would be able to help just by offering his arms, his bed, and the familiar scent of his body. The only thing Scorpius wanted was to be surrounded by familiarity, comfort, understanding.
It was still light out when Scorpius arrived at the Potter household. Albus was sitting on his bed when Scorpius found him, reading a large book Scorpius didn't recognize. Scorpius knocked at his bedroom door halfheartedly; he'd never had reason to knock before, but he and Albus hadn't spoken in a week, and Scorpius felt unusually guilty after everything that had happened recently.
"Scorpius?" Albus called, brows knitted as he looked up from his tome. His eyes searched Scorpius' face cautiously. "Are you all right?"
"No," Scorpius mouthed, nostrils flaring to keep the emotion out of his features. It was bad enough feeling emotionally drained; he didn't want to start sobbing in front of Albus again as well.
Albus set his book aside and motioned to the bed. "Um, are you going to come in or what?"
Scorpius entered and closed the door. Withdrawing his wand, he wrote in the air between them, I can't speak, and pocketed his wand again after.
Albus snorted and patted the bed beside him. "Magic?" When Scorpius nodded in response, Albus laughed again. "It's all right. I can take care of that. Just lucky for you my dad lifted the ban on underage magic last year. Now, sit still and let me try this." Removing his wand from the bedside table, Albus waved it at Scorpius several times, in a complex manner, and whispered the counter curse. "So what happened? You look like shite."
"I had sex," Scorpius blurted hoarsely, the first words he'd managed to speak in hours. Saying it out loud was frightening to him; it made the whole ordeal real, tangible and filthy in its starkness.
Albus' face paled, and the handsome lines of his face hardened. "You…"
"Had sex," Scorpius finished, taking a seat slowly on the bed. His ass was a bit sore, but he supposed that was to be expected. It was, strangely, something he had never considered about the aftermath of sex: somehow, he had always thought he would be left feeling happy about his decision. Rubbing at his throat, as if that would help the sound of his voice, he felt Albus' eyes on him and looked up to meet them. What he saw alarmed him-Albus looked as if he was about to punch Scorpius square in the nose. "Need me to draw you a diagram?" he drawled, bitterness throbbing against the swallow of his words.
"I've already had sex, you twat," Albus snarled, the greens of his eyes dark with his anger. "You should remember, as the one who coerced me into it."
"I never coerced-"
"Merlin's fucking beard, you did too, and you know it!" Albus was breathing heavily, his fingers balled into fists on his thighs. When Scorpius looked down at Albus' hands, he saw the blue veins bulging and throbbing with each shudder of his fist. "So," Albus went on, voice hard and unforgiving. "Who was it?" Scorpius' silence seemed to irritate Albus even more; he shifted around uncomfortably on the bed. "Zabini, right? That bloody awful little fuck was your first? He would cast a silencing spell to shut you up."
"No. Zabini wouldn't know where to put it if his life depended on it."
"If you say it was Teddy, I am going to punch you in the face," Albus growled. "He doesn't fucking deserve to-"
"And you weren't about to snog his tongue off the other night?" Scorpius spat. "So he deserves someone like you but not someone like me?"
"It was Teddy," Albus decided, snarling like an animal as he leaned towards Scorpius menacingly. "You let him-"
"No!" Scorpius shouted, voice cracking so loud he was sure he could have woken half of Britain. Launching himself from the bed, he headed for the door. "Fucking idiot. I don't know why I bother with you." It was impossible for anyone but Scorpius to feel what he was feeling; trying to explain it to Albus was just going to make things worse. Seeing that now, all Scorpius wanted to do was be alone. His skin felt itchy, dirty, like all the hot water and soap in the world wouldn't be able to scrub the feeling off.
Albus intercepted Scorpius before he'd made it to the door, shoving him towards the bed. Scorpius stumbled, falling back awkwardly against the chair at Albus' desk as he tried to brace himself. On his knees, he watched Albus approach and adrenaline surged through his body. All the rage he felt towards Harry, all the pain that was boiling through his veins, every inch of aching muscle that throbbed in his desire for self-destruction found a new target. Albus was easy to take down. One shove, as Scorpius charged him, and they were wrestling on the floor like beasts, hard-muscled and lean as they fought for dominance. Scorpius could taste Albus' aggression, his soured need.
Scorpius had never felt such hatred in his life. It was as if someone had gutted him of the only thing that mattered and left him an empty shell, a dried carcass of a body with nothing but skin and bone and fury. More than anything, he wanted to rip out the things that mattered to Albus in turn, because no one deserved to be filled with happiness if Scorpius couldn't be.
Albus shoved and punched at him, much more powerful in physical strength but lacking cunning; Scorpius was quick and the adrenaline coursing through his blood fed his desire for blood, for power, for control, even when his blows landed soft against Albus' face. Well-matched, Scorpius soon felt the adrenaline weakening, fading from his blood. Muscles tired, his body began to shut down, offering Albus the upper hand.
"You're such an arrogant little prick!" Albus screamed, tearing at Scorpius' hair.
"You were supposed to fucking understand!" Scorpius countered, breathless as he found himself face-down, hands pulled behind his back, a knee shoved hard between his legs. Winded, he was unable to argue the rest of his point.
"You think you're the only one who matters? You think I'm going to sit here and stroke your ego like we're best mates or something? You treat me like some kind of toy, some thing that helps you get off, but it's never about me or how I feel or what I want."
"That's because I don't give a toss!"
Scorpius wished he could have the words back the moment they sliced the air between them, but there was no undoing this, no way to go back and change the events he'd thrust upon himself. Beneath Albus' strong body, Scorpius let out a sob of frustration, tears once again prickling at his eyes. If Albus heard the noise, he didn't let on.
"Yeah? Well, that's fantastic," Albus growled, ripping at Scorpius' trousers and pants.
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Scorpius gasped, the surge of fear kicking his heart rate up to a blistering speed. Struggling in earnest, he managed to throw Albus off balance. Albus fell off of his body long enough for Scorpius to stumble to his feet, tripping over his trousers to get away from him.
Albus' fingers caught Scorpius' arm, and they wrestled again for control until Albus threw Scorpius to the bed and straddled him easily. Scorpius was half-hard from the fight, from the sheer lack of choice-the things he had always thought he wanted, the things Harry had ripped from him-but the rest of his body reminded him how much he'd regretted his first fuck; he wasn't about to let the second one be the same.
"You are a sick sod," Albus exhaled, panting atop him as he caught sight of Scorpius' erection. "Is this all I had to do? Tackle and restrain you to get what I want?"
Scorpius' eyes widened and he stopped struggling long enough to really look at Albus, the other boy's hair flying up in all directions, chest heaving, cheeks roughed and pink. "What you want? No." He gasped for breath as Albus shifted to sit further atop him. "No! I don't give a toss."
Albus reached up and pinned both of Scorpius' hands above his head. Transferring them to one hand, Albus held him there until he could snatch his wand from the nightstand. Tapping Scorpius' wrists, Albus grinned and sat back, watching Scorpius writhe in front of him.
"Al, what the fuck are you doing?"
"Exactly what you want." Albus leaned down, grinding his teeth a bit as he looked over Scorpius' face, his swelling chest, his arching hips. "Is this how he took you? Is this how you like it? Restrained, without any choice?"
"No," Scorpius whimpered, voice cracking again pathetically.
Albus was shuddering on top of him and Scorpius feared a dreadful repeat of the same humiliation he'd felt with Harry, this time with full foreknowledge of what it would be like. He couldn't bear to look at Albus and turned his head away, trying to steel himself for what would come next. Whatever he had thought before he'd chosen to come to Albus first seemed a joke now-Albus was the very last person who would ever understand.
The silence dragged on between them for a long moment before Albus broke it with the counter-curse to release Scorpius' wrists from above his head. When Scorpius felt the pressure released, he opened his eyes and brought his fingers to his wrist, massaging each one in turn.
Albus dragged his hands through his hair, shaking with the last remnants of his rage as he gazed down at Scorpius with a deep, concerned frown. "If all you were after was losing your virginity to some stranger, if you didn't care who it was, if all that mattered was a warm body and a hard dick…the least you could have done was ask me." Albus' strong shoulders slumped in defeat. "I'd have…well, you know, I'd have been glad to do it, and you wouldn't look like an absolute mess, and I wouldn't just leave you, and you should know by now that you can fucking trust me. You didn't have to just give yourself over to some random bloke, just because you felt like you were missing out or something."
"I just…need you," Scorpius croaked, his voice soft and low, the words meant only for Albus and the secrecy of the room they shared. The words weren't perfect, but he couldn't find a way to rephrase them in the way he needed. He wasn't sure he knew what the right words were or if they would make a difference.
Scorpius watched Albus cautiously, heart still racing. They had never looked at one another the way they were looking now; some part of Scorpius tore at the sight of it. He didn't want to feel the flutter in his stomach, the sweat at his brow, the clench in his throat, but when Albus leaned down to kiss him, Scorpius didn't stop him.
Pressing against the fullness of Albus' lips, Scorpius tangled both hands in his hair, sickened by the amount of desire pooling in his stomach. The throb of blood in his dick disgusted Scorpius, but as he hardened, he thrust up against Albus and plunged off the deep end into the emptiness that ripped him apart. It was beyond understanding now, the ugly reality of his humiliation incomprehensible as his numb denial mixed with the taste of Albus' tongue and the bitter familiarity of his scent.