{oneshot} straitjacket feeling
straitjacket feeling snarkychangmin PG13 angst
"Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing"
Jaejoong taps the keys on his piano as the same three notes are played over and over again. A disgruntled sigh of defeat befalls his features as he takes off the headphones blocking out the intricate sounds of the world and heads on over to the balcony with his now cold coffee. The aroma of vanilla still lingers on his breath as he stares out at the night life of Seoul, cars buzzing to and fro as people walked the streets either drunk with friends or drunk with the etched bristles of loneliness swaying from their muttered words. Another sigh escapes Jaejoong's lips as he takes a sip, retracting his tongue once at the bitter taste of cold coffee. His thoughts become mindless and before it is able to take flight into the depression that sinks inside at his heart, a soft purr is heard mewing by his ankle as glinted eyes are being looked up at him.
He smiles, a small one, as he picks up the feline cat and proceeds to feed it with whatever he had in the kitchen. The other cat had not been spotted anywhere, just the usual, as the weird cat always preferred to be alone and merely bug Jaejoong only when it suited to his needs. He chuckles at himself, thinking it silly he thought a cat could be so similar to him, but he only shrugged, thinking it may be true. A pet reflects their owner after all.
After settling the other cat down in the kitchen with food to spare for Jiji, Jaejoong headed back to the balcony, intending to close the sliding door when something caught the corner of his eye. A red glint. He turned around quickly and looked at it once again. Although to his flicker of hope, the light was nothing, merely the warning light for the airplanes overhead, its blinking being illuminated even more due to the radio tower next to it. He turns his back to the city abruptly, drawing black curtains as he lets his eyes fall to the room before him.
It was disheveled, cups of coffee littered the table, his music equipment sprawled out with pieces of paper everywhere. He mentally chastises himself to clean, but the moment the cup in his hand went from the counter to the table, he found himself opting for the chance to just fall into the leather of his sofa. He curls up upon it, bringing his arm to collect the nearest fallen cushion and hug it.
Immediately, his face softens, showing the signs of distress and frustration, emotions and all other walls slowly begin to fall. Tears are brimming at his eyes as he stares into the shadows sprawled across his living room. He wonders, how did this come to be? And almost, as if on cue, is he able to blindly map out cassiopeia through his glared eyes.
- - - - -
Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing
Yunho sits on the leather sofa, a drink in his hand as he stares blankly out at the window before him. The constellation of cassiopeia in his view as he takes a sip. He wonders if he-everyone else sees it too. In doing so, he sighs and tells the others he's gonna retreat early for the rest of the night, they had an early recording the next day. As the door closes softly behind him, he whispers softly, "do you see it too Jaejoong? the stars are calling for us again" before he drops the can onto a bedside table and throws himself onto the mattress.
A shaky breath escapes his lips as he burrows his head into the cotton pillow, mentally screaming, mentally crying, pretending the ache in his heart wasn't there, pretending the lingering emotions threatening to blow at any moment wasn't there. But he knows it's futile. He knows that it's futile. A choked sob escapes his lips as he stares up above at the city. He was sure if he looked close enough, he could spot the other's new apartment from here.
A small smile appears on his lips. Then it quickly disappears. He needed to stop with these emotions, these thoughts, they were dangerous, were they not? He whispers yes, but mentally he's going 'fuck it, fuck it, fuck it forever" The words on his lips bordering that of his onset mind. He gets up, wipes the tears from his face and turns to look out at the window.
Blinking red airplanes overhead, city lights down below in the flood of accelerating cars, people into booze and at loss of emotion and sense of stability - oh was he jealous of their night in this moment. For only one face kept popping into his mind. The shy cover of his smile, the sheer glint in his eyes as he thought of something conniving as always - the gentle personality that he had missed so much.
Yunho silently wonder, how did this really come to be? But no answer is given to him as he thinks he sees Jaejoong's figure thousands of miles away.
- - - - -
And when that memory slips away
There'll be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away