Insert roast chicken here...
The last installment to date of Alfred's warped tale. Hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I enjoyed writing it. Maybe one day I'll get around to completing it, but I doubt it, heh.
Et voila.
The Bumbling Journey of Alfred Tonto Sylvester Rainbow Bogsworth The First:
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” I sat bolt upright in bed panting. Slowly it registered that I was in bed. At home. At home with my fluffy duck slippers and glow-in-the-dark autographed snorkel. Oh Happy Day! Everything is beautiful and good and not at all squidgy. The memories were already evaporating in the warm light of the room. It was all just a dream.
I leapt off the bed without first untangling my legs from the blankets and tumbled to the floor in a heap with the strangest sense of déjà vu. Struggling out of the swamp of bed linen, I stumbled to the window and flung open the curtains, marvelling at the dustmotes dancing in the rays of sunlight.
Basking for a while in the glory that is day, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something was moving towards my house. I pressed my nose to the window squinting out into the distance. Something was moving at extreme speed towards my house. It was getting larger. It was. A faint wail reached my hearing, and quickly increased in volume. It was? It was! A chicken?! A chicken was hurtling towards my bedroom window at speeds no chicken had ever hurtled before. Good Gravy and Peas!
I flung myself into the relative safety of the open cupboard just as the window exploded inward with a bloodcurdling screech and a thunderous crash. All fell silent. I cautiously opened one eye, was the coast clear? I decided it was safe enough to open the other one, and crawled out of my makeshift bomb shelter.
What a sight. White feathers drifted everywhere in a parody of snowfall. My bed was a shattered ruin against the opposite wall. Feathers drifted in silence for a moment. Then a cough. The remains of my bed rattled abruptly, then with a final shudder, regurgitated a mangy looking hen. It blinked myopically at its surroundings before uttering a single sentence:
“Oh boy, what a ride!” Then it collapsed on the floor.
_______________________
I just discovered that the tv background noise was an episode of Jerry Springer entitled "Freaky Fetishes" and walked in on some naked chick being smothered in whipped cream and rice bubbles then chasing Jerry around the studio. Why do I get the feeling I'll be repeating this to a psychiatrist during my mid-life crisis?
Going to retreive the ubergnome. If arrested, post bail.
Et voila.
The Bumbling Journey of Alfred Tonto Sylvester Rainbow Bogsworth The First:
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” I sat bolt upright in bed panting. Slowly it registered that I was in bed. At home. At home with my fluffy duck slippers and glow-in-the-dark autographed snorkel. Oh Happy Day! Everything is beautiful and good and not at all squidgy. The memories were already evaporating in the warm light of the room. It was all just a dream.
I leapt off the bed without first untangling my legs from the blankets and tumbled to the floor in a heap with the strangest sense of déjà vu. Struggling out of the swamp of bed linen, I stumbled to the window and flung open the curtains, marvelling at the dustmotes dancing in the rays of sunlight.
Basking for a while in the glory that is day, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something was moving towards my house. I pressed my nose to the window squinting out into the distance. Something was moving at extreme speed towards my house. It was getting larger. It was. A faint wail reached my hearing, and quickly increased in volume. It was? It was! A chicken?! A chicken was hurtling towards my bedroom window at speeds no chicken had ever hurtled before. Good Gravy and Peas!
I flung myself into the relative safety of the open cupboard just as the window exploded inward with a bloodcurdling screech and a thunderous crash. All fell silent. I cautiously opened one eye, was the coast clear? I decided it was safe enough to open the other one, and crawled out of my makeshift bomb shelter.
What a sight. White feathers drifted everywhere in a parody of snowfall. My bed was a shattered ruin against the opposite wall. Feathers drifted in silence for a moment. Then a cough. The remains of my bed rattled abruptly, then with a final shudder, regurgitated a mangy looking hen. It blinked myopically at its surroundings before uttering a single sentence:
“Oh boy, what a ride!” Then it collapsed on the floor.
_______________________
I just discovered that the tv background noise was an episode of Jerry Springer entitled "Freaky Fetishes" and walked in on some naked chick being smothered in whipped cream and rice bubbles then chasing Jerry around the studio. Why do I get the feeling I'll be repeating this to a psychiatrist during my mid-life crisis?
Going to retreive the ubergnome. If arrested, post bail.