fic dump: 2pm
five times taekyeon went to seattle, PG, 474 words, taekyeon/jaebum
i. taekyeon takes a stop in seattle on his way back to korea. he visits jaebum's parents out of respect, but mostly it's because he's curious. he meets jehan for the first time who has the shape of jaebum's face but not really. jehan is taller, americanized and stumbles over his korean the way jaebum used to - still does.
"it's okay," taekyeon tells him with the same smile he gave jaebum four years ago, "i speak english too, you know."
and when taekyeon leaves jaebum's mother gives him packets of dried mangoes and a kiss on the cheek.
ii. when taekyeon closes his eyes he dreams with jaebum. jaebum dreams of seattle and not korea, dreams of the home he never sees but feels, dreams of people whose faces have become blurry with time.
when jaebum dreams of seattle, taekyeon is one step behind him - never in front, always behind.
iii. taekyeon can kiss jaebum with closed eyes, with wet and hesitant lips and see seattle. when he traces the side of jaebum's face lightly with fingers, taekyeon can see seattle clear in his mind. can see the too dim lights in jaebum's home, the picture frame of his family sitting on his desk that's just been dusted by his mother.
when taekyeon kisses jaebum over and over and over again, he's been to seattle over and over and over again.
iv. taekyeon goes to seattle when he lets his mind wander. he's not too sure why - there's nothing he wants in seattle. but then he looks over to see jaebum next to him, jaebum with his mouth open as he sleeps, jaebum with his head on taekyeon's shoulder.
and then taekyeon smiles.
v. taekyeon closes his eyes and dreams of seattle with jaebum because korea no longer has one. but the dreams are different now because jaebum is there. he greets taekyeon with a scowl, grumbling for waking him up but he doesn't complain as taekyeon hauls him out of bed.
jaebum takes him out to the park sometimes where they sit on the swingset with clasped hands and intertwined fingers.
"this feels ga-homo," jaebum mutters under his breath.
taekyeon whistles to fill up the empty silence, not saying anything unless jaebum takes his hand away.
he doesn't.
taekyeon looks at jaebum, realising then that his face is starting to blur and he gets up quickly. he knows jaebum knows what's coming too because he's up on his feet, as well and he's rambling at taekyeon. he's pulling at his arm now, hard and desperate-
"tell the others that they need to practice more, but not too hard because you all look like shit and tell them-"
but taekyeon doesn't hear the rest of what jaebum says.
he wakes up in korea.
*
three times jaebum didn't want to be leader and two times he did, PG, 883 words
i. jaebum is unsure when jinyoung hyung tells him the good news. jinyoung hyung tells jaebum that he should consider it an honour to be the leader of a group. jinyoung hyung tells him that the members will show him respect, that his word will be the law and that he has authority.
jaebum highly doubts this but keeps his mouth shut, zips it up and throws away the lock and key. he looks up at jinyoung hyung, looks into his eyes and jaebum smiles hesitantly and jinyoung hyung keeps talking about leadership skills jaebum didn't know he possessed. after all, he trusts jinyoung hyung with every fibre in his being.
ii. the members have their first fight and jaebum is frantically trying to keep everyone together. he's going back and forth between the divide trying to find the middle ground, but one person can't build the bridge by himself.
jaebum gets so frustrated to the point that he ends up screaming in the middle of the living room - nichkhun, taekyeon and wooyoung on one side and chansung, junho and junsu on the other. jaebum looks between the two groups helplessly, wishing he wasn't in the middle.
but chansung and wooyoung end up breaking away from the others first, situating themselves next to jaebum and slowly, slowly the bridge comes together.
iii. all he can do is stare at his laptop screen, bewildered. it clicks in jaebum's mind then that being a leader of a group doesn't just apply to the 2PM but to the HOTTESTS, as well. it is only then that jaebum realises that he can't be a leader of six growing men and over hundreds and thousands of fans.
so jaebum approaches jinyoung hyung in his office, sits in the leather chair that jinyoung hyung points to, fingers tracing over the stitching. park jinyoung waits for jay park to talk.
"songsaengnim," jaebum starts, pushing down the lump forming in his throat, "i want to go back to seattle." i can't be a leader.
"are you sure, jaebum?"
jaebum looks at jinyoung hyung in the eyes, looking for the familiarity that seems to have disappeared. looking for the jinyoung hyung from a year and a half ago, the one who told him he could be leader with just a little push and a little shove.
he doesn't find it.
he flies back to seattle on the earliest flight.
iv. jaebum is cursing solin and yoon's inability to stream the mama awards.
"can't you get this fucking thing to work?" jaebum throws yoon a dirty look who's just lounging on his bed, the newest edition of the bleach manga tucked between his hands. "it's fucking lagging like shit and - put that shit down, yoon!"
"what are you bitching about anyway?" yoon asks, finally looking up. "look, m.net is anal about their shit streaming online."
"okay but who the fuck is this solin dude?" jaebum points at his laptop screen. "why can't he stream this shit properly? look, the video is lagging like crazy."
yoon shrugs. "nothing you can do about it, bro."
jaebum sighs and is just about to shut off his laptop when he hears taekyeon's voice - can you feel my heartbeat? and his hand stills over the power button. he watches his members - ex-members go on stage, singing their new hit song and -
jaebum feels a hand squeeze his shoulder but he doesn't acknowledge it. jaebum knows if he turns around now, turns around to face yoon the tears that he's fighting will fall and -
the familiar beat of again and again comes on and there's a spotlight on his usual place. they don't sing his parts - the fans do. jaebum feels his heart constrict, feels the jealousy gnaw at him, spreading through his entire body as he watches park jinyoung pop up from the bottom of the stage with flashing glasses and a pimp stick. he hears yoon mutter douche bag and jaebum wipes furiously at the ends of his eyes.
it finishes far too fast for jaebum and he leaves his browser open, with the volume full blast as he lies in bed and yoon on the floor. jaebum hears his boys win, jaebum hears their speech and he closes his eyes and he can see it in his mind. he can see taek stepping to the side, acknowledging his non-existent presence, he can see wooyoung crying because he's overwhelmed, he can see nichkhun smiling and looking over from afar, he can see chansung biting his lip and holding back tears, he can see junho calm and smiling and he can see junsu - old junsu, smiling smiling smiling.
jaebum hyung - chansung - you're watching, right? saranghae.
v. jaebum realises at the end of the year, watching as junior and yoon set off fireworks in the park, that he misses everything and everyone in korea. he realises that korea has become home and he wants it all back. but he doesn't know if he can and if he's able to.
at the end of the year jaebum understands what it means to be the leader of 2PM, of HOTTEST. at the end of the year jaebum is still the leader.
at the beginning of the new year he still is.
*
four things nichkhun never says and one he does, PG, 340 words
i. he doesn't tell her he loves her because he doesn't like lying. he likes her a lot, his feelings amount to the perfect amount of lust and buzzing bees in his stomach and that's about it. so when she leaves him nichkhun will say he expected it, but it doesn't stop him from feeling hurt.
ii. nichkhun likes to keep things to himself. mostly because he was taught at a young age to keep his mouth shut if he didn't have anything nice to say. so when he hears the vocal trainer worry about his voice not important, he says nothing. he forces on a smile and walks out the door.
all he can think about is proving her wrong - just you wait, i'll show you.
iii. nichkhun doesn't like talking about his looks but it seems to be brought up whenever he does an interview, goes on a variety show - it gets to the point where he starts to get paranoid.
he doesn't like certain things about his face - his eyes aren't asian enough, his nose needs to be a bit more pointy, his lips are too full for a man's. so when people say nichkhun, you are so handsome he just smiles and thanks them.
iv. the interviewer asks if he's gay and nichkhun's first reaction is to laugh, but then he realises that the interviewer is actually serious about this question.
"look at my hand," nichkhun tells him and shows him the blisters that scatter his palm. "people think i'm really feminine because of my face but i'm really not. i work out a lot and because of that my hand looks like this." nichkhun smiles and sits back into his chair. "i'm human - a man."
v. "we'll always be friends," he tells jaebum who has one foot out the door. "you'll still be my leader."
"khun, i-"
"i know," nichkhun says, reaching out to put a comforting hand on jaebum's shoulder but hesitates and retracts at the last minute. "just go."
*
four times junho cried alone and one time he didn't, PG, 312
i. junho is seven.
junho is seven and his grandmother just passed away.
junho is seven and his grandmother just passed away so he hides himself in the closest.
junho is seven and his grandmother just passed away so he hides himself in the closet, pushing past hangers and hangers of clothes so he's not so alone with tears streaming down his face.
ii. junho feels her soft curves flush against his own body. feels the heat pool in his stomach as he moves his body against hers in rhythm. junho's never felt this way before, the rush of emotions going through him and as he presses his sweaty forehead against hers junho can truly say he's in love.
he wakes up to a dark room, alone. he looks over and sees a note on the pillow where her head is supposed to be resting.
i'm sorry.
iii. junho is on his knees, pleading with his father to just give him this one chance. but he just shakes his head saying, no, that is final and he walks out of the living room to leave junho by himself.
and junho balls his fists, finger nails digging into skin. he pushes himself up off the floor, wipes at his wet face, determined.
iv. his face is burried into the pillow, fists clenching at his sheets.
junho feels his determination at succeeding in this business starting to crack. he can feel it eating away at him slowly as he replays his father's words in his head.
just come home already
v. 2PM wins their first mutizen.
they’re shuffled back to the change room and junho starts crying when he sees junsu cover his face with a towel.
“it’s alright,” jaebum says, a hand sliding over junho’s shoulders with ease and tears pricking at the sides of his eyes. “you worked hard - we worked hard.”
*
pimping: jaebum/dbsk fanmix here. hottests & cassies fighting ♥