leave a note for you, my only one
I miss him.
I miss him so bad there's a constant dull ache in my chest, like that's the part of my heart that he occupies. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else, which is why this hurts so much. I can't make that go away. But I can't stick around with someone who doesn't feel that way about me. First he was just going there for a little while, now he's never coming back and there's always some different reason. If he really loved me, nothing would hold him back. But he doesn't. That's why he can ignore me so easily even though he knows it hurts me, how he can just shut me out like I don't exist.
It hurts so much, thinking about what could have been. This is the man I always pictured marrying, who I love so much that I want to have his children. I laid in bed that weekend and didn't eat, didn't drink, just stared at the ceiling and cried. I thought about everything I wanted with him, gave up all my dignity and pride begging him to answer me. But he still ignored me.
And then I realized it. I was doing the same thing I did with Jerry. Whenever he'd get really abusive I'd blame myself, think if I just do this better, he won't get mad, or if I just try to change this he won't yell at me. It was just like that, if I say this, he'll love me, if I do this he will want to be with me. I can't live my life in fear like that. I love him, but I want him to love me for myself.
I still have hope and I hate it. I hate it because with that hope comes disappointment. He's not the same person he used to be. I don't know where that person went, but that's the one I fell in love with. I picture his face and it makes me cry because he's just so damn beautiful and I don't want anyone else but he hurts me.
I don't want it to be over. Come back to me and make things right.
I miss him so bad there's a constant dull ache in my chest, like that's the part of my heart that he occupies. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone else, which is why this hurts so much. I can't make that go away. But I can't stick around with someone who doesn't feel that way about me. First he was just going there for a little while, now he's never coming back and there's always some different reason. If he really loved me, nothing would hold him back. But he doesn't. That's why he can ignore me so easily even though he knows it hurts me, how he can just shut me out like I don't exist.
It hurts so much, thinking about what could have been. This is the man I always pictured marrying, who I love so much that I want to have his children. I laid in bed that weekend and didn't eat, didn't drink, just stared at the ceiling and cried. I thought about everything I wanted with him, gave up all my dignity and pride begging him to answer me. But he still ignored me.
And then I realized it. I was doing the same thing I did with Jerry. Whenever he'd get really abusive I'd blame myself, think if I just do this better, he won't get mad, or if I just try to change this he won't yell at me. It was just like that, if I say this, he'll love me, if I do this he will want to be with me. I can't live my life in fear like that. I love him, but I want him to love me for myself.
I still have hope and I hate it. I hate it because with that hope comes disappointment. He's not the same person he used to be. I don't know where that person went, but that's the one I fell in love with. I picture his face and it makes me cry because he's just so damn beautiful and I don't want anyone else but he hurts me.
I don't want it to be over. Come back to me and make things right.