close your eyes, so afraid, hide behind that babyface
After a long habit of letting guys treat me like absolute shit, here one comes along that is everything, and I can't trust it. I'm scared because of CJ's years of lying and ghosting and Jerry's anger and abuse. I'm halfway out the door before things even begin because I'm terrified.
This time I find myself pulling away - don't get too close! I'm searching for signs at any turn that he could be like the other two so I can avoid that hindsight and I just need to relax. Why have I let them damage me so? I'm so scared of messing things up, so goddamn scared that it is breathtaking. I want nothing more than to start a relationship with him, but all I can think of is the end. What is wrong with me?
Somehow he's going to find out about Jerry and that scares me too. I don't know what I'll do, how I'll tell him. How do I put into words why I didn't leave right away, how I face him every day still? Hell, he has to see him when he comes in, how can I put him in that position? I don't want to do that to him.
Maybe I should just run.
This time I find myself pulling away - don't get too close! I'm searching for signs at any turn that he could be like the other two so I can avoid that hindsight and I just need to relax. Why have I let them damage me so? I'm so scared of messing things up, so goddamn scared that it is breathtaking. I want nothing more than to start a relationship with him, but all I can think of is the end. What is wrong with me?
Somehow he's going to find out about Jerry and that scares me too. I don't know what I'll do, how I'll tell him. How do I put into words why I didn't leave right away, how I face him every day still? Hell, he has to see him when he comes in, how can I put him in that position? I don't want to do that to him.
Maybe I should just run.