(no subject)
This week has been odd. My brother got the flu, which isn't fun by any stretch of the imagination, however because he didn't want to work in his condition, Megan & Devon kicked in to take his place. I think he's doing better... (he should after having 3-days home doing nothing but sleep, eat and game on his xbox360...) but over all the week was just an adventure. Dad took my route with me, because obviously I'm not going to be lifting that kind of weight; that's the work for a man... not me. Megan went with Steven 2 out of the 3 days, then Devon stayed up all night last night so he could go to work without flipping out.
His parents keep asking me "Is he better?" and "When do you think he will be able to hold down a normal job?" but what they just don't get... is that continually asking me isn't going to make it happen any sooner... and what's a normal job really anyhow? There is not a "normal" job on the face of this planet anywhere... there are well paying jobs and there are low paying jobs... there are good jobs and there are bad jobs... but what is normal really? Just because Devon isn't able to utilize the training he received while in the military doesn't mean he is a failure. Nor should he be a "disappointment" to his parents just because he is having problems coping with anxiety and stress. Sometimes my in-laws make me so angry... and frustrated.
How can two parents, who claim to love their son, put the appearance of being a poor provider (which he isn't) before their sons well being?? I've gotten the feeling they are embarrassed of him, and his inability to live a normal life right now... which doesnt make sense to me either... these are the people who told me at the wedding: "It doesn't matter what it looks like! It doesnt matter what people think! Just be happy, be healthy and take care of one another!" ... then they turn around and act like this towards us??
Sometimes I really struggle to not take the comments made about my husband and directed at my husband, personally. When we were forced to go through marital counseling by his command, the counselors, who btw did NOT help at all in any way, told us both to "stop thinking alike; Stop finishing each others sentences; Stop sticking up for one another; Stop taking offense to things said that are not directed at you." and due to the fact that it was a direct order, and if we refused to comply with the counselors advice it would be considered disobeying an order and they would refuse help to Devon entirely, we had to try to do what they said. Now, today, having made it through hell and back, I realize in retrospect that the time spent in marital counseling was probably where the arguments first began. They told us we shouldnt be so well suited for each other, tore us apart, told him to "take care of himself", to stop letting me cook and clean and wash for him, telling him he had to do it by himself otherwise he wasnt a "true man". His counselors poisoned his mind, and I still see the effect of their poison in our daily lives.
Being that he made it to work today, he was drastically better for having done so. He was genuinely ... happy and laughing like I havent heard him laugh in a really long time... and rather animated if I do say so. He really enjoys the work, he did it before we left for the Marines... working for my parents for several months before shipping out... so he knows the ins and outs of the business already which made his re-transition back into the routes really easy... he just can't handle the daily 0430 wake up. The problem this morning was, as it always is anymore, that he has himself convinced that he isn't good enough, can't do the work, isn't smart or strong enough... not because anyone has told him specifically that he cant, but more because he was told he wasn't good enough to do anything, no matter what it was.
Growing up, he was the oldest, but his sister is handicapped (legally blind due to albinism), so she got all the attention, as well as Devon being told early on that he was responsible for her safety while outdoors, on the bus, at school etc. so that the teachers would even allow him to check up on her during elementary school hours. Another example of the imbalance is that during Christmas growing up, Devon would get 1 gift to every 8 of hers so early on he was taught "You're not good enough, you're just the brother; boys aren't as important as girls. you're just the protector". It took quite awhile to convince him otherwise, lets just put it that way.
Kacey has since recognized the imbalance and slowly their parents have been forced to treat them more equally, but she is still favored... so this favoritism combined with their comments and so forth all compiled to cause a mistrust and lacking desire to see or talk to his parents. I kind of pushed a little bit on him to re-connect with them, and now after the dust has settled their relationships are much closer to that of loving parent and adult son, instead of critical parent and misfit son. But it wasnt an easy road. Kacey had to realize it and talk to her parents before any of my comments could get through; and even then, I had to continue bringing it back up that perhaps they needed to think about how their comments could be misunderstood, how they come across as being ashamed of him, how they need to help him understand that they love him no matter what. Even if he never is "normal" again. It took a long time, and a lot of confusion on their part because they had no idea they had been doing anything wrong... but I really do think that their relationship with their son is better than it ever has been.
Both Devon & Kacey have been taking instruction in glassblowing. Both are artists, both have gone to college for art related majors, Devon has always had an interest in hot glass and his was directly pertaining to a BA in hot glass. I didn't use to understand his passion for it... but I do now. I never thought it would be so rewarding to work with such incredibly hot objects to shape and re-form them into something completely different... but it's amazing!! I've watched multiple classes, have taken multiple forms of hot glass, but haven't made it into the hot shop to handle the tools myself yet. It's a little intimidating to say the least... working with glass that is upwards of 800F* with the furnaces being upwards of 2,000 - 2,500F*... the students have to wear long sleeves otherwise they get sunburns from it in fact.
Devon has a genuine talent for it. It amazes me how the hot glass, and glass work in general calms him down. He's always had the shakes. His hands shake constantly, many times nearly imperceptibly unless you're looking for it, but when working with the hot glass, his anxiety disappears, you can watch the stress and worry drain out of his face. Its pretty amazing really... not to mention that he had barely touched a blow pipe before producing an epic piece... and his pieces have continued to improve and amaze anyone who looks at them. His instructor (Mike) has mentioned if he sticks to it, he could very well be one of the best glassblowers in his age group in this area of the country. Mike is a good guy, and has taken Devon under his wing so to speak. He has said he will teach Devon everything he knows, and will work with him until he feels he cannot teach him anymore... then will call someone with a higher skill set to hand him off to.
When we were in California... I told Devon if we got home I would put him through glassblowing school, and I plan to keep that promise. At the time it was to help him reach for home, because he was giving up... but a promise is a promise and I don't go back on my word. Even if keeping my word will be nearly impossible. However, we've been blessed. Every time the semester renews, and I wonder where I'm going to come up with the money for the next semester... something happens. Someone gives me a surprise gift of money because they dont know how to help but just feel they should... or something happens and the bills dont come out to the normal amount and I have just enough extra... its been amazing how we've been so blessed...
His parents keep asking me "Is he better?" and "When do you think he will be able to hold down a normal job?" but what they just don't get... is that continually asking me isn't going to make it happen any sooner... and what's a normal job really anyhow? There is not a "normal" job on the face of this planet anywhere... there are well paying jobs and there are low paying jobs... there are good jobs and there are bad jobs... but what is normal really? Just because Devon isn't able to utilize the training he received while in the military doesn't mean he is a failure. Nor should he be a "disappointment" to his parents just because he is having problems coping with anxiety and stress. Sometimes my in-laws make me so angry... and frustrated.
How can two parents, who claim to love their son, put the appearance of being a poor provider (which he isn't) before their sons well being?? I've gotten the feeling they are embarrassed of him, and his inability to live a normal life right now... which doesnt make sense to me either... these are the people who told me at the wedding: "It doesn't matter what it looks like! It doesnt matter what people think! Just be happy, be healthy and take care of one another!" ... then they turn around and act like this towards us??
Sometimes I really struggle to not take the comments made about my husband and directed at my husband, personally. When we were forced to go through marital counseling by his command, the counselors, who btw did NOT help at all in any way, told us both to "stop thinking alike; Stop finishing each others sentences; Stop sticking up for one another; Stop taking offense to things said that are not directed at you." and due to the fact that it was a direct order, and if we refused to comply with the counselors advice it would be considered disobeying an order and they would refuse help to Devon entirely, we had to try to do what they said. Now, today, having made it through hell and back, I realize in retrospect that the time spent in marital counseling was probably where the arguments first began. They told us we shouldnt be so well suited for each other, tore us apart, told him to "take care of himself", to stop letting me cook and clean and wash for him, telling him he had to do it by himself otherwise he wasnt a "true man". His counselors poisoned his mind, and I still see the effect of their poison in our daily lives.
Being that he made it to work today, he was drastically better for having done so. He was genuinely ... happy and laughing like I havent heard him laugh in a really long time... and rather animated if I do say so. He really enjoys the work, he did it before we left for the Marines... working for my parents for several months before shipping out... so he knows the ins and outs of the business already which made his re-transition back into the routes really easy... he just can't handle the daily 0430 wake up. The problem this morning was, as it always is anymore, that he has himself convinced that he isn't good enough, can't do the work, isn't smart or strong enough... not because anyone has told him specifically that he cant, but more because he was told he wasn't good enough to do anything, no matter what it was.
Growing up, he was the oldest, but his sister is handicapped (legally blind due to albinism), so she got all the attention, as well as Devon being told early on that he was responsible for her safety while outdoors, on the bus, at school etc. so that the teachers would even allow him to check up on her during elementary school hours. Another example of the imbalance is that during Christmas growing up, Devon would get 1 gift to every 8 of hers so early on he was taught "You're not good enough, you're just the brother; boys aren't as important as girls. you're just the protector". It took quite awhile to convince him otherwise, lets just put it that way.
Kacey has since recognized the imbalance and slowly their parents have been forced to treat them more equally, but she is still favored... so this favoritism combined with their comments and so forth all compiled to cause a mistrust and lacking desire to see or talk to his parents. I kind of pushed a little bit on him to re-connect with them, and now after the dust has settled their relationships are much closer to that of loving parent and adult son, instead of critical parent and misfit son. But it wasnt an easy road. Kacey had to realize it and talk to her parents before any of my comments could get through; and even then, I had to continue bringing it back up that perhaps they needed to think about how their comments could be misunderstood, how they come across as being ashamed of him, how they need to help him understand that they love him no matter what. Even if he never is "normal" again. It took a long time, and a lot of confusion on their part because they had no idea they had been doing anything wrong... but I really do think that their relationship with their son is better than it ever has been.
Both Devon & Kacey have been taking instruction in glassblowing. Both are artists, both have gone to college for art related majors, Devon has always had an interest in hot glass and his was directly pertaining to a BA in hot glass. I didn't use to understand his passion for it... but I do now. I never thought it would be so rewarding to work with such incredibly hot objects to shape and re-form them into something completely different... but it's amazing!! I've watched multiple classes, have taken multiple forms of hot glass, but haven't made it into the hot shop to handle the tools myself yet. It's a little intimidating to say the least... working with glass that is upwards of 800F* with the furnaces being upwards of 2,000 - 2,500F*... the students have to wear long sleeves otherwise they get sunburns from it in fact.
Devon has a genuine talent for it. It amazes me how the hot glass, and glass work in general calms him down. He's always had the shakes. His hands shake constantly, many times nearly imperceptibly unless you're looking for it, but when working with the hot glass, his anxiety disappears, you can watch the stress and worry drain out of his face. Its pretty amazing really... not to mention that he had barely touched a blow pipe before producing an epic piece... and his pieces have continued to improve and amaze anyone who looks at them. His instructor (Mike) has mentioned if he sticks to it, he could very well be one of the best glassblowers in his age group in this area of the country. Mike is a good guy, and has taken Devon under his wing so to speak. He has said he will teach Devon everything he knows, and will work with him until he feels he cannot teach him anymore... then will call someone with a higher skill set to hand him off to.
When we were in California... I told Devon if we got home I would put him through glassblowing school, and I plan to keep that promise. At the time it was to help him reach for home, because he was giving up... but a promise is a promise and I don't go back on my word. Even if keeping my word will be nearly impossible. However, we've been blessed. Every time the semester renews, and I wonder where I'm going to come up with the money for the next semester... something happens. Someone gives me a surprise gift of money because they dont know how to help but just feel they should... or something happens and the bills dont come out to the normal amount and I have just enough extra... its been amazing how we've been so blessed...