(no subject)
man, it's weird not having AIM...
i had such a good christmas at my aunt's. all of my cousins are in college and we all had such a good time. it's so awesome seeing how we can be good friends as we grow older. they're totally cool and i was surprised at how much fun i had this weekend. we laughed about how none of us have a southern accent even though our parents do, and how someone should carry on grandma's louisiana accent. you know, strangely enough my grandma's accent is like a southern boston accent. they don't say R's down there either! jennafa, kimbaly...haha. oh, and we're gonna be the new marketing representatives for blongoball. holy shit, that's the most fun game ever!! it's like sophisticated horse shoes...
one of my cousin's is getting married in march. i'm looking forward to partying it up with them in D.C.
it's good to be home. i keep wanting to say i'm bored, but that's not quite the word i'm looking for. i just feel antsy cuz i really want to go back to boston, but at the same time i'm scared. i haven't really practiced since i got home, and i haven't really wanted to. i don't know how i'm gonna finish the next year and a half. i will find a way, and i'm sure (i hope) i will become motivated at some point, but deep down i feel like i know that this is not what i want to do. it's really hard. i've played the violin for 15 years (holy f) and i always thought that this is what i would make a career of. but, right now i'm not so sure. if i have a major breakthrough, then maybe i'll change my mind. it's not even the practicing that i mind or the slow journey of improvement...there's just something that is not there. it's not that i don't love it, because i do. it's just...somehow i'm not connecting with my playing and that bothers me. i love playing in orchestra, i love chamber music.... and, you know that amazing feeling, when you're listening or playing something and you just get chills cuz it's so incredible. that is something that is amazing.... but for some reason i just know there's something out there that will make me happier... i am passionate about music, but there is a huge world out there that i want to explore... it's just hard cuz i don't even feel like playing right now, but i can't just give up. i have to at least accomplish something in the next year and a half, because i don't give up. i want to learn what i can from NEC, and move on if i need to....
so, ya...
i had such a good christmas at my aunt's. all of my cousins are in college and we all had such a good time. it's so awesome seeing how we can be good friends as we grow older. they're totally cool and i was surprised at how much fun i had this weekend. we laughed about how none of us have a southern accent even though our parents do, and how someone should carry on grandma's louisiana accent. you know, strangely enough my grandma's accent is like a southern boston accent. they don't say R's down there either! jennafa, kimbaly...haha. oh, and we're gonna be the new marketing representatives for blongoball. holy shit, that's the most fun game ever!! it's like sophisticated horse shoes...
one of my cousin's is getting married in march. i'm looking forward to partying it up with them in D.C.
it's good to be home. i keep wanting to say i'm bored, but that's not quite the word i'm looking for. i just feel antsy cuz i really want to go back to boston, but at the same time i'm scared. i haven't really practiced since i got home, and i haven't really wanted to. i don't know how i'm gonna finish the next year and a half. i will find a way, and i'm sure (i hope) i will become motivated at some point, but deep down i feel like i know that this is not what i want to do. it's really hard. i've played the violin for 15 years (holy f) and i always thought that this is what i would make a career of. but, right now i'm not so sure. if i have a major breakthrough, then maybe i'll change my mind. it's not even the practicing that i mind or the slow journey of improvement...there's just something that is not there. it's not that i don't love it, because i do. it's just...somehow i'm not connecting with my playing and that bothers me. i love playing in orchestra, i love chamber music.... and, you know that amazing feeling, when you're listening or playing something and you just get chills cuz it's so incredible. that is something that is amazing.... but for some reason i just know there's something out there that will make me happier... i am passionate about music, but there is a huge world out there that i want to explore... it's just hard cuz i don't even feel like playing right now, but i can't just give up. i have to at least accomplish something in the next year and a half, because i don't give up. i want to learn what i can from NEC, and move on if i need to....
so, ya...