(no subject)
when did it get to be 11? i was going to call my mom, but i guess it's too late. so, in an hour i'll be going home tomorrow. it's supposed to be snowy and windy monday morning...that makes me nervous; i hope it will be ok.
tonight is so blah. i guess i'll go party with paul, but i don't really feel up to it. i really want to see him, though. i'm sure i'll have fun once i'm there, but i just feel like sitting around. i'm very annoyed with everyone in my life right now. relationships with other people are so futile. it's like, you have to grow up with someone to be true friends, otherwise there's just too much that someone doesn't know about you. stuff they don't understand. it seems to always fall apart. i don't feel like myself. i feel like i'm fake, like nobody really knows who i am. a shell of who i used to be. sometimes i feel so alive, and sometimes i feel so empty. it's not fair that this is a part of life. i'm such a spaz, in 5 minutes i'll probably be in the best mood.
i really wanted to go to music academy of the west this summer, but not only are my chances of being accepted kind of slim, i also didn't get a chance to record the mendelssohn concerto with my pianist. i was supposed to play through mendelssohn in studio class, but it was the same day as our orchestra concert. we had already played through our program that morning and my wrist had been feeling like it was shattering apart, so i asked if i could not play. i guess i could still try to record it without accompaniement, but somehow i feel like that doesn't have the same effect.
i want a professional massage.
tonight is so blah. i guess i'll go party with paul, but i don't really feel up to it. i really want to see him, though. i'm sure i'll have fun once i'm there, but i just feel like sitting around. i'm very annoyed with everyone in my life right now. relationships with other people are so futile. it's like, you have to grow up with someone to be true friends, otherwise there's just too much that someone doesn't know about you. stuff they don't understand. it seems to always fall apart. i don't feel like myself. i feel like i'm fake, like nobody really knows who i am. a shell of who i used to be. sometimes i feel so alive, and sometimes i feel so empty. it's not fair that this is a part of life. i'm such a spaz, in 5 minutes i'll probably be in the best mood.
i really wanted to go to music academy of the west this summer, but not only are my chances of being accepted kind of slim, i also didn't get a chance to record the mendelssohn concerto with my pianist. i was supposed to play through mendelssohn in studio class, but it was the same day as our orchestra concert. we had already played through our program that morning and my wrist had been feeling like it was shattering apart, so i asked if i could not play. i guess i could still try to record it without accompaniement, but somehow i feel like that doesn't have the same effect.
i want a professional massage.