(no subject)
Title: Ages to Fall
WC: 390
A/N: Written while inebriated. Possibly dark, suicidal thoughts.
Remus stares into space as the memory of Sirius' fall fills his mind.
It took ages for him to fall.
In all those ages, so many memories flooded my mind. All of them playing at once. Each one of them at the same time. One after another.
This after that, after this, after that...
Over and over.
I remember meeting him at Platform 9¾ and the gates of Hogwarts.
The time I had ice thrown down the back of my shirt at the Quidditch World Cup.
When I was asked to do some research on a prank, which I found out later was used on Severus.
When I did most of the work on the Marauder's map.
All the times I had said no to all of them.
The Christmas dance of '74, the mistletoe toe was rather a kinky thing then.
I remembered how I helped them with last minute studying for their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S.
The first time they found out I was a werewolf.
The first time they changed in front of me.
All that was gone, in what seemed like ages. Over once and for all. There isn't enough gillyweed on earth to help me at this time.
Damned werewolf nature taking over my human form. I can't even love without feeling cheap, used, or betrayed. I can't kill myself because I can't bleed long enough. Even broken bones heal in hours; all I have to do is hold still so they fuse correctly. Doesn't matter, they correct themselves anyway.
If I were really brave I would drink the liquid silver I bought in Knockturn Ally.
I can't do that.
I don't have the heart to do it. Sirius wouldn't want me to go out in such a painful way.
Maybe if I skipped a dose of the potion I could get lost in the woods and possibly be caught. Then I would be put down. Such a muggle term. It makes my skin crawl. Severus would never let me miss a dose.
I don't see why?
I did the research to most of the major pranks played on him.
Why should I even bother?
Maybe he could put a lethal dose of silver in it for me?
But would he do it? You know, really do it?
I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.
WC: 390
A/N: Written while inebriated. Possibly dark, suicidal thoughts.
Remus stares into space as the memory of Sirius' fall fills his mind.
It took ages for him to fall.
In all those ages, so many memories flooded my mind. All of them playing at once. Each one of them at the same time. One after another.
This after that, after this, after that...
Over and over.
I remember meeting him at Platform 9¾ and the gates of Hogwarts.
The time I had ice thrown down the back of my shirt at the Quidditch World Cup.
When I was asked to do some research on a prank, which I found out later was used on Severus.
When I did most of the work on the Marauder's map.
All the times I had said no to all of them.
The Christmas dance of '74, the mistletoe toe was rather a kinky thing then.
I remembered how I helped them with last minute studying for their O.W.L.S and N.E.W.T.S.
The first time they found out I was a werewolf.
The first time they changed in front of me.
All that was gone, in what seemed like ages. Over once and for all. There isn't enough gillyweed on earth to help me at this time.
Damned werewolf nature taking over my human form. I can't even love without feeling cheap, used, or betrayed. I can't kill myself because I can't bleed long enough. Even broken bones heal in hours; all I have to do is hold still so they fuse correctly. Doesn't matter, they correct themselves anyway.
If I were really brave I would drink the liquid silver I bought in Knockturn Ally.
I can't do that.
I don't have the heart to do it. Sirius wouldn't want me to go out in such a painful way.
Maybe if I skipped a dose of the potion I could get lost in the woods and possibly be caught. Then I would be put down. Such a muggle term. It makes my skin crawl. Severus would never let me miss a dose.
I don't see why?
I did the research to most of the major pranks played on him.
Why should I even bother?
Maybe he could put a lethal dose of silver in it for me?
But would he do it? You know, really do it?
I wouldn't blame him if he didn't.