Kisses and Dimmer Switches
I reach for the light switch, thankful for once that the house has dimmer switches installed in nearly every room, because then I can set the level as low as possible and maybe Dom won’t be able to see how nervous I really am.
Of course, he’s probably already figured out that I’m barely half as drunk as I’ve been acting for the past hour or so, because he’s been doing exactly the same thing, which I am very grateful for and more than a little relieved. He kissed me back; he wasn’t drunk and he kissed me back.
Although it wasn’t until tonight that I realised how worried I was about that. Dom and I have spent nearly every waking hour, and a lot of the sleeping hours, together since arriving here in New Zealand, but I couldn’t read too much into that; there have been a number of those not-quite-just-friends moments, but sometimes Dom is just very affectionate like that, and he can be surprisingly hard to decipher.
It also means admitting that I’ve been imagining a scenario like this happening for a while now; I’ve had fleeting doubts as to my sexuality before, but with Dom it’s entirely different: there’s something about him that draws you in and makes you doubt everything about yourself, like you’re judging yourself to see if you are really worth his friendship.
But with Dom’s fingers tangled in my hair and my hands sliding under the waistband of his jeans and our mouths very eagerly occupied with one another’s, there didn’t really seem any point in merely doubting myself anymore.
I hadn’t even registered that I was being slowly steered across the room until the edge of the sofa knocked against my calves and I half stumbled, only to be pulled completely off balance and land less than gracefully on Dom’s lap. He grinned up at me, shifting so we were both seated more comfortably, his arms snug around my waist.
There’s something so infectious about Dom’s smile that I couldn’t help but return it and, cupping my hands around his neck, lean in for another kiss, all the while wondering why I had left it this long to realise that I loved him.