Can I Say I Love You? 2/2
- January 21, 2016 -
message to joonie
10:54pm we're still on for tomorrow, right?
- January 29, 2016 -
message to joonie
2:00pm i haven't heard from you...are we meeting tonight?
message from joonie
7:30pm i'm sorry, jongin. we can't do this anymore.
7:35pm i'm changing my number
7:35pm goodbye, jongin
- February 5, 2016 -
"When is the last time you showered?" Chanyeol has forced his way into Jongin's room, and is currently sitting on his bed and looking at him with a mix of concern and disgust.
"Leave me alone." Jongin whines, pulling his comforter over his head. Maybe if he can't see Chanyeol and his annoyingly bright smile and too-big ears, then he's not really there.
"Jongin." This time it's Baekhyun speaking and Jongin is not sure when he got here, but he is sure that he wants him to leave. "Jongin, we're worried about you," says Baekhyun, and Jongin feels the bed dip as Baekhyun flops down beside him. Baekhyun grabs the corner of the blanket and peels it down to Jongin's shoulders. "I know this sucks, Jongin," Baekhyun says, wrapping an arm around his waist and snuggling against him. "but you need to get out of bed. And you need to eat." He leans forward to nuzzle his nose against Jongin's jaw. "and wow, you need to fucking shower." Jongin shoves him off the bed.
"It's true, Jongin." Chanyeol says, once he's stopped laughing at Baekhyun's misfortune. "Why don't you get in the shower, and Baekhyun and I will run down to that chicken place you like so much and get you some lunch." Jongin groans, but he lifts himself into a seated position and throws the blankets off himself. "Nice," Chanyeol says as he pats Jongin's overly greasy hair. "Progress!"
"Shut up and get out of here." Jongin grumps, stretching his arms above his head and grimacing as his spine pops and cracks, "Before I change my mind."
"C'mon, Chanyeol." Baekhyun says, grabbing the taller boy by the elbow and leading him out of the room.
Jongin waits until he hears the front door close behind them to haul himself out of bed. He grabs a fresh pair of boxers and a clean t-shirt and jeans from his closet before shuffling down the hallway and into the bathroom. He catches sight of himself in the mirror above the sink and shit, does he look awful. There's a thick stubble on his chin and dark circles under his eyes and god his hair desperately needs a good wash. He strips out of his dirty clothes and steps into the shower, turning the water on and yelping at the frigid temperature. The water quickly warms though, and he steps beneath the spray, sighing at how good it feels on his stiff muscles. He squeezes a generous amount of shampoo on his hands and works it into his hair, amazed at how he's already starting to feel better. He tilts his head back to rinse the suds from his hair, running his fingers through it and massaging his scalp. It reminds him of the way Junmyeon would carefully wash Jongin's hair, planting trails of kisses along the backs of Jongins shoulders as he massaged the soap into his hair.
Junmyeon. It's only been three weeks, but Jongin misses him so much. Aches for him. It was stupid of him to let himself get so attached to someone like Junmyeon, but it happened, and now here he is. He leans back against the cold tiled wall of his shower and slides down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.
- February 19, 2016 -
"I don't know what to do." Jongin sniffles, looking up at Chanyeol from where his head rests in his friend's his lap.
"It's gonna be okay, Jongin." Chanyeol cards his fingers through Jongin's hair, giving him a sympathetic smile.
"How so?" Jongin fucked up. He feels like his whole world is crashing down on him. "My father's never going to talk to me again." He finally took Junmyeon's advice, standing up to his father, and the result had been just as Jongin expected. "I have no money. No job. Fuck."
"You have me, don't you?" Chanyeol gives him a goofy grin, trying to cheer him, but Jongin just turns, burying his face in Chanyeol's stomach. "We'll figure something out. Just don't worry about it right now."
Jongin sighs, closing his eyes and trying to get comfortable with Chanyeol's bony lap as a pillow. "Everything sucks." He declares.
"You know my friend Yixing?" Chanyeol asks, scratching at Jongin's scalp.
"The spacey one?"
"Yeah, that one." Chanyeol laughs. "He works at a dance studio. I can ask him if he needs help teaching some classes."
Jongin looks up at him smiling for the first time in what feels like forever. "Yeah. Do that." Chanyeol really is a great friend.
- March 2, 2016 -
message from giraffe
12:17pm yixing says you can start tomorrow.
12:17pm he also told me about some auditions coming up. you should take them.
Jongin smiles to himself. Maybe things are starting to look up.
- March 27, 2016 -
It's a beautiful day, Jongin thinks, as he crosses the street toward his favorite comic shop. The shop is on his walk home from the studio and he only needs one more issue of Ouran High School Host Club to complete his collection. There's a slight chill in the early spring air, but the sun is shining and it helps to elevate Jongin's mood.
The door chimes when he opens it and he waves at the shop owner as he descends the staircase. He stops when he reaches the bottom of the steps, his heart leaping in his chest. There, right in front of him, perusing an issue of Ouran High School Host Club, stands Junmyeon. Jongin stares in awe. He looks fucking good. He's dressed for his age for once, a pair of faded jeans and a blue hoodie, a black knit cap on his head. Jongin's only ever seen him in expensive suits or nothing at all, and he's amazed at just how attractive he looks in his casual clothes.
Jongin feels himself propelled forward against his will and he stops when he's standing by Junmyeon's side. "Junmyeon?"
Junmyeon looks up at him, his eyes widening in surprise. "Jongin!" They stand awkwardly for a moment, just looking at each other and Junmyeon clears his throat. "What are you doing here?"
He points to the book in Junmyeon's hand. "Same as you."
"Stupid question." Junmyeon laughs, and Jongin smiles despite himself, because god he missed that laugh. He realizes he's staring, but he just can't help himself, because Junmyeon looks so good.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Junmyeon quirks his head to the side.
Jongin reaches out and tugs on Junmyeon's beanie. "You look really good like this."
"Thanks." Junmyeon says. "You look good, too." He smiles shyly and looks down at his feet.
"How have you been?"
"I've been okay." He turns the book over in his hands nervously. "You?"
Jongin grabs the issue he came for off the shelf. "Okay." He says. He feels uneasy, thrown off balance by running into Junmyeon so unexpectedly.
"Are you doing anything right now?" Junmyeon asks, and Jongin's stomach does a flip.
"No. Just grabbing this before heading home." He waves the book in front of Junmyeon's face.
"You wanna grab something to eat?"
Jongin's not so sure it's a good idea, but he agrees before he can change his mind.
Junmyeon places the manga back on his shelf, smiling up at Jongin with a nod as he leads him out of the shop.
The short walk to a sandwich shop is awkward and Jongin feels uncomfortable in his own skin. He’s not really sure what to say or how to act, and they slip into an uneasy silence.
The next time one of them talks is to order their lunch. Junmyeon slips his credit card across the counter to pay for both of them, waving off Jongin's protests.
"So, what have you been up to, Jongin?" Junmyeon asks once they've taken their seats
"I dropped out." Jongin says, unwrapping his sandwich and taking a bite.
"Really?" Junmyeon cocks his head, a smile spreading across his mouth. "How'd that go?"
"About as good as you'd expect." He swallows, washing it down with a drink of water. "I lost my allowance, and my father won't talk to me."
"I'm sorry." Junmyeon frowns, reaching across the table and laying his hand on Jongin's arm.
"It's okay." He looks down at Junmyeon's hand and Junmyeon retracts it, picking up a fry and popping it into his mouth. "My mom said she understands. She told me my father will come around. I just need to give him time, or something."
"Your mom is probably right." Junmyeon smiles at him. God, Jongin had missed that smile.
"I got a job." Junmyeon quirks an eyebrow in interest. "At a dance studio." Jongin grins, and so does Junmyeon.
"Jongin! That's great!" He looks so genuinely happy and Jongin feels a rush of affection swelling up inside of him. He reaches across the table and pinches Junmyeon's nose. It takes Junmyeon by surprise, and he flinches backwards and Jongin lets his hand fall to the table.
"I'm sorry." He says, looking down at his plate. "Old habits and shit."
"It's fine, Jongin." Junmyeon lays his hand over Jongin's, squeezing it.
When Jongin looks back up, Junmyeon's smile has returned and Jongin just misses him so much.
"What happened, Junmyeon?" He turns his hand over so it's pressed palm-to-palm with Junmyeon's and he curls his fingers, rubbing his knuckles against Junmyeon's skin.
Junmyeon's expression falls, and he looks down at his lap. "I'm so sorry, Jongin. I had to figure some things out."
"Did you?"
He looks back up at Jongin, smiling weakly. "Yeah, I think I did."
Jongin waits for him to elaborate, but Junmyeon doesn't say anything further. Fair enough.
The silence they slip into this time is not the same as the walk to the cafe. It’s a comfortable silence; reminiscent of those they shared wrapped up in each other’s arms.
They finished their meals and toss the wrappings, Jongin holding the door for Junmyeon as they leave.
They stand in awkward silence by the door and Jongin looks down at his shoes. He wants to spend more time with Junmyeon, but he's not sure Junmyeon wants his company.
"I guess I'll head home." Junmyeon says, kicking a rock across the sidewalk.
"Yeah, okay." Jongin feels a pang of disappointment that spreads in his chest. "Do you, um, have a thing tonight?"
Junmyeon laughs. "No, I don't. I don't do that anymore."
Jongin's head snaps up, and Junmyeon laughs harder. "You don't?" He can't help the smile that spreads across his face.
"No." He reaches out and grabs Jongin's elbow, sliding his hand down Jongin's arm and threading their fingers together. "Don't look so happy." Jongin's grin just grows. "Do you want to walk with me? If you're free?"
"Yeah."
Junmyeon tugs him forward, leading the way. "I'm not far from here."
They walk hand-in-hand in easy silence and Jongin suddenly feels so much lighter. He tightens his grip on Junmyeon's hand and Junmyeon leans into him. Not far from here turns out to be just two blocks away, and Jongin feels a little disappointed that they didn't have more time to spend together, but he's grateful for how his day has turned out. They stop in front of Junmeyon's building, and Junmyeon drops his hand.
"It was really good to see you, Jongin." He says, reaching out to pinch Jongin's nose.
Jongin laughs, grabbing Junmyeon's hand and kissing his knuckles. He takes a step forward, wrapping his arms around the smaller man. He feels him tense within his hold, thinking for a moment that maybe he misread the atmosphere, but then Junmyeon is relaxing into him, arms wrapping around his waist. It only lasts for a moment before Junmyeon takes a step back, but he leaves his hands on Jongin's waist. They stare silently at each other for a few awkward seconds and Jongin takes a deep breath to slow his rapidly beating heart. Junmyeon smiles at him, then and Jongin resists the urge to lean down and kiss him. He can't take that rejection again.
"Well," Jongin says, thinking it best to leave now before he does or says something that will push Junmyeon away. He takes a step backward but Junmyeon stops him from going any further with hands fisted in the fabric of his sweater.
"Jongin." His voice is soft and there's a look Jongin can't decipher on his face.
"Yeah?"
Junmyeon responds by tugging him forward by his grip on Jongin's sweater and covering Jongin's mouth with his own. It's nothing more than a chaste press of lips, lasting only a few seconds but Jongin's stomach swoops and his heart pounds, his hands flying up to frame Junmyeon's soft face. They pull apart slowly but Jongin doesn't go very far, resting his forehead against Junmyeon's.
"Hi." Jongin says after a few seconds, making Junmyeon chuckle, his breath warm as it fans across Jongin's face. "Can I-?"
"Please." Junmyeon breathes and then Jongin is leaning in to kiss him again. Now that he's more prepared, he takes a moment to enjoy the feeling of Junmyeon's soft lips sliding against his own. He's imagined this moment so many times over the last year and he's not disappointed. He drags his thumb over Junmyeon's cheekbone and Junmyeon's arms snake around Jongin's waist, pulling him close. It's Junmyeon who makes the first move to deepen the kiss, running his tongue along the seam of Jongin's mouth as his hands slide up Jongin's back and over his shoulders. Jongin sighs into Junmyeon's open mouth, his tongue pressing forward to brush against Junmyeon's upper lip. His heart is racing and his fingers shake as he slides his hand around to rest on the back of Junmyeon's neck, thumbing at the soft hairs at his nape. They've fucked so many times, but this is new territory. This is far more intimate than anything they've ever done and Jongin feels dizzy with it. The whimper Junmyeon lets out when Jongin licks into his mouth has Jongin pushing him backwards until his back hits the door. The impact startles a gasp from Junmyeon but he is undetered, kissing Jongin harder and digging his fingers into Jongin's shoulders. Junmyeon tastes sweet, like cherry Chapstick and caramel coffee and Jongin wants to savor it. He tilts his head slightly licking further into Junmyeon's mouth and they both sigh as their tongues slide together.
"Shit" Jongin whispers when Junmyeon pulls away from his mouth to press kisses along his jaw. He can feel a flush beginning to creep into his cheeks and a heat in his groin and his head falls forward to rest on Junmyeon's shoulder. He groans when Junmyeon runs his tongue along the shell of his ear and he uses his hips to pin Junmyeon to the wall.
"Jongin." Junmyeon sounds winded and Jongin feels a sense of pride at being able to work him up with just his kisses. He uses the hand still pressed to Junmyeon's cheek to guide Junmyeon's mouth to his own again and he doesn't think he'll ever get tired of kissing him. It's as though time has stopped and the only thing that matters is the way Junmyeon's bottom lip feels trapped between his own, the sounds he makes as Jongin sucks on it lightly before sinking his teeth into it.
It's the sound of someone clearing their throat that reminds Jongin that they're standing in front of Junmyeon's apartment building and he pulls away with a start. "Sorry! I'm- We're just-" The man holds up a hand as if to say ‘I don't really want to know just let me get by.’ Jongin steps off to the side, pulling Junmyeon with him and letting the man pass. Once he's disappeared through the door, Jongin buries his face in the crook of Junmyeon's neck. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry your neighbor just- shit."
"It's okay Jongin." Junmyeon's laugh is loud in Jongin's ear and he lifts his head to look at Junmyeon's face. His cheeks are pink and his lips are red and swollen and Jongin can't help but to lean in to kiss him again. Junmyeon pulls back though, pressing a finger to Jongin's lips. "Let's take this inside, yeah?"
Jongin can't help the grin that spreads across his face at the implications of Junmyeon's request and he presses a kiss to the tip of Junmyeon's finger. "Yeah. Yes. Okay," he agrees, unable to keep the enthusiasm out of his voice. Junmyeon laughs again, using his hips to nudge Jongin backwards, giving him enough space to turn and punch in the code.
It takes all of Jongin's restraint to keep from pressing Junmyeon into every flat surface on their way to Junmyeon's apartment, but once they're inside Jongin loses some of his confidence. He realizes, as he watches Junmyeon step out of his shoes, that Junmyeon has finally let Jongin in. He knows how much Junmyeon's privacy means to him and he hopes he's not wrong about the implications of Junmyeon inviting him into his home; that Junmyeon opening himself up to Jongin means as much to Junmyeon as it does to him.
Jongin's legs are unsteady as he removes his own shoes and he rubs his hands on his thighs as he straightens, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and out of place. But then Junmyeon is reaching out toward him, beckoning him further into his apartment and Jongin takes his offered hand.
"Come here." Junmyeon says, tugging Jongin forward until they're standing toe to toe. He wraps his arms around Jongin's waist, nuzzling against his neck and Jongin feels some of his tension melt away. "I missed you so much," he whispers, his lips brushing just above Jongin's collarbone. Jongin wants to laugh and cry at the same time, but instead he takes a deep breath and returns Junmyeon's embrace, pressing a kiss to the top of Junmyeon's beanie-clad head.
He doesn't know how long they stand there hugging, Junmyeon's fingers bunched in Jongin's shirt, his breath warm on Jongin's skin, but he thinks he could stay like this forever. He drags his hands over Junmyeon's back in long strokes and Junmyeon melts into him. Jongin shudders when Junmyeon presses a kiss to his neck, then to his jaw, then one behind his ear. He lifts his head to look at Jongin, and this time it's Junmyeon who says "Hi," his smile so wide his eyes nearly disappear.
"Hey." Jongin replies, his hands coming up to press against Junmyeon's warm cheeks. Junmyeon's gaze falls to Jongin's mouth as the younger boy's tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip and he exhales shakily.
"Kiss me?" Junmyeon asks, and who is Jongin to deny the older what he wants? He leans forward to brush their mouths together, his bottom lip catching on Junmyeon's upper before pulling back, but Junmyeon chases him, capturing Jongin's full lip between his teeth and tugging gently. Something snaps inside Jongin and he presses forward, kissing Junmyeon without reservation. His tongue swipes across Junmyeon's mouth and Junmyeon immediately opens up for him, letting out a needy whine when their tongues curl together.
Jongin's been waiting so long for this and he pours everything he has into this kiss. All the longing he's felt, all of his desire for Junmyeon, is conveyed through every swipe of his tongue, in the way he slides his hands underneath Junmyeon's hat, pushing it off his head to thread his fingers in Junmyeon's silky strands. The taste and feel of Junmyeon's mouth on his is intoxicating and Jongin thinks he might float away if not for Junmyeon's tight grip on his shirt keeping him grounded. Junmyeon's tongue catches on the inside of Jongin's upper lip and the younger's fingers tighten in Junmyeon's hair, pulling a gasp from him.
Jongin is so lost in kissing Junmyeon, in the softness of his mouth and the taste of his tongue, that he's startled by cold fingers sliding under the hem of his sweater to press into his skin. "Sorry. My hands are cold." Junmyeon smiles against Jongin's mouth and then he's trailing kisses across his jaw and down the side of his neck. He sucks lightly at Jongin's skin and his hands venture further under Jongin's shirt, nails scraping over his ribs.
"Jongin," Junmyeon whispers against his skin, his voice low and breathy. He pulls back just enough to look Jongin in the eye. "I need you." Jongin feels all the breath leave him at once and rushes forward to kiss Junmyeon desperately. Junmyeon stumbles a bit, knocked off balance by the force of Jongin's kiss, but Jongin steadies him with hands on his hips.
"Bed." Jongin whispers against his lips as he slides his hands down over Junmyeon's ass and squeezes. Junmyeon's hips buck forward and Jongin can feel him hard against his thigh. Junmyeon takes a step backwards, tugging Jongin after him and Jongin follows him eagerly. Junmyeon leads him toward the bedroom, keeping his mouth on Jongin's the whole way.
They trip over a pile of clothes just inside the door and Junmyeon nearly falls, but Jongin catches him, laughing and sliding his hands under Junmyeon's shirt. "I really should have- I should clean some of this up." says Junmyeon. "My bed isn't even made and there's shit all over the floor I'm sorry-" Jongin stops his words with a kiss, running his fingers over Junmyeon's ribs.
"Shut up." He says between kisses. "I don't care." He pushes Junmyeon backwards until the older man's legs hit the side of the bed and he sits down, Jongin peering down at him through his messy fringe. "I just want you." Jongin says, pushing on Junmyeon's shoulders until the older man is lying on his back and Jongin crawls over him. Junmyeon scoots further up the bed, making more room for Jongin and Jongin straddles him, leaning in to kiss him again.
Junmyeon pulls at Jongin's sweater and Jongin breaks the kiss just long enough to allow Junmyeon to pull his shirt over his head. He's still not sure he'll ever get used to kissing Junmyeon and Jongin sighs into the older man's mouth when Junmyeon scratches his nails lightly down his back.
"On your back" Junmyeon says after a few minutes of passionate kissing and Jongin does as he's told, moving toward the middle of the bed. Junmyeon kneels between Jongin's legs once he's settled and the older man runs his hands over Jongin's thighs, bending forward to suck a mark into his collarbone.
Jongin pulls at the hem of Junmyeon's shirt, wanting to feel Junmyeon's soft skin against his own. "Take this off." He breathes and Junmyeon straightens to pull it over his head. There's a slight flush to Junmyeon's chest and Jongin reaches up to run his fingers over it, dragging them downward over the defined lines of his abdomen and to the button of his jeans. He pops the button open, tugging the zipper down and he slides his hand down the front of Junmyeon's pants, palming him through his boxers. Junmyeon lets out a soft moan and falls forward, holding himself up with his hands on either side of Jongin's head. He grinds against Jongin's hand and Jongin groans at how hard he is.
"Let's get these off." Jongin says, pushing Junmyeon's pants and boxers down his thighs and Junmyeon takes over, lying on his back beside Jongin to push them the rest of the way down and kick them off the side of the bed. He helps Jongin remove the rest of his clothing and settles between his legs again. He slides his hands up the inside of Jongin's thighs, pushing them further apart as he sucks on Jongin's neck.
Jongin's cock is full and thick where it rests against his belly and he gasps as Junmyeon wraps his hand around it, stroking him gently. He bucks into Junmyeon's grasp, trying to get more friction, but Junmyeon's touches are light and teasing. "Please" Jongin whines, and Junmyeon smirks at him before leaving a trail of kisses down his chest. Jongin threads his fingers through Junmyeon's hair, pulling slightly when Junmyeon leaves a wet kiss just below his belly button. "Please." Jongin repeats and Junmyeon reaches out to the table next to the bed, rooting through the top drawer and pulling out a small bottle of lube and a condom. He places the condom on the nightstand and gives Jongin a sweet lingering kiss, before uncapping the bottle and squeezing some onto his fingers.
Jongin spreads his legs wider instinctually, his breathing labored and his body humming with arousal. He watches, as Junmyeon coats his fingers, rubbing them together to warm the gel and a shiver of anticipation rolls up his spine.
The first press of a finger inside of him has Jongin tensing, and Junmyeon stills, rubbing comforting circles into Jongin's hip with his thumb. "Are you okay?" Junmyeon asks. Jongin bites his lip and nods, fighting against the urge to clench around Junmyeon's finger. The older man waits for him to adjust, distracting him from the discomfort by kissing his chest. Jongin moans when Junmyeon's mouth covers his nipple, his tongue circling it. He sucks lightly and Jongin arches against the wet heat of his mouth, grinding down on Junmyeon's finger and taking it the rest of the way in. Junmyeon flexes his finger inside of Jongin, wiggling and twisting it as he pumps slowly in and out and Jongin groans, craving more.
"Another." Jongin breathes, his fingers sliding into Junmyeon's hair. Junmyeon looks up at him from where he's mouthing at Jongin's chest and he looks just as much a wreck as Jongin feels. Jongin tightens his grip in Junmyeon's hair, pulling him up to kiss him hungrily, his tongue immediately diving between Junmyeon's lips. Junmyeon returns the kiss enthusiastically, pulling his finger out and circling the rim before pushing back in with two fingers. Jongin bites into Junmyeon's lip, rocking his hips as Junmyeon pumps and scissors his fingers. The pain of being stretched is muted by the pleasure of the tips of Junmyeon's fingers brushing against his prostate, the feeling of Junmyeon sucking on his tongue, the way Junmyeon is grinding against his thigh.
It's not long before Junmyeon has three fingers inside of Jongin, twisting and pumping them and stretching Jongin open. Jongin is letting out these little moans, grinding himself down onto Junmyeon's hand and it's not enough. Junmyeon kisses along his jawline, stopping to suck Jongin's earlobe into his mouth, rolling the flesh between his teeth. "Are you ready, Jongin?" He whispers, his warm breath sending a shiver down Jongin's spine.
Jongin nods, rasping out a "Yes, please." as Junmyeon slides his fingers out of Jongin, leaving him feeling so, so empty. Junmyeon reaches out for the condom on the bedside table but Jongin stops him, his fingers wrapping loosely around the older mans wrist. "Don't." He says, wincing at the hoarseness of his own voice.
"Jongin-"
"Don't." Jongin repeats, kissing the inside of Junmyeon's wrist, letting his lips linger against Junmyeon's skin.
"Jongin."
"You're clean, right?" Jongin asks, trailing soft kisses up Junmyeon's forearm and enjoying the way Junmyeon's eyes flutter closed.
"Yes, but-"
"So am I." Jongin says against the inside of Junmyeon's elbow. "Please."
"Are you sure?" Junmyeon asks, dragging his fingertips over Jongin's cheek.
"Yes," is Jongin's breathless reply. "I want to feel you."
"Fuck. Okay." Junmyeon's head falls forward to rest on Jongin's collarbone and Jongin drags his hands down Junmyeon's sides, lifting his hips enough that their erections brush together. Jongin groans and reaches out beside him, feeling around for the bottle of discarded lube and finding it in the mess of blankets by his hip. He squeezes a generous amount into his palm and Junmyeon lifts his hips, allowing Jongin to reach between them to close his hand around Junmyeon's cock. Junmyeon hisses when Jongin drags his palm up the length and over the head to coat him.
"You're sure about this Jongin?" Junmyeon says as he lines himself up with Jongin's entrance and Jongin nods, wrapping his legs around Junmyeon's waist.
"Please." He whines, digging his heels into Junmyeon's ass to urge him forward. "I just want you inside of me."
Junmyeon pushes forward, easing the head of his swollen cock into Jongin and they both gasp at the feeling. "Oh my god. Jongin."
Jongin's mouth falls open, his breath catching in his throat and he runs his hands up Junmyeon's sides. There's a slight burn from being stretched open but he wills himself to relax as Junmyeon presses into him slowly. Junmyeon shifts so he's propped up on his elbow beside Jongin's head and he brushes Jongin's hair off his forehead, dropping distracting kisses on his cheeks and jaw as he eases the rest of the way in. Junmyeon stills once he's fully seated, waiting for Jongin to adjust. He's breathing heavily and he kisses Jongin's neck, tongue darting out to lave at his skin. Junmyeon fills Jongin up so nicely, so completely, and the younger man takes a deep, shaking breath, turning his head to nuzzle Junmyeon's cheek. Junmyeon rises up on his elbows to look down at him, the change in position shifting him inside of Jongin and Jongin hisses through his teeth.
"Are you okay?" Junmyeon asks, voice laced with worry. He threads his fingers through Jongin's hair, his thumb rubbing at Jongin's hairline and Jongin can feel his heart swelling at the way Junmyeon looks at him with such adoration. Jongin is still adjusting to the feeling of Junmyeon inside him, but he's impatient, so he lifts his hips, urging Junmyeon to move. Junmyeon presses his forehead to Jongin's as he pulls out slowly and they moan together. "Jongin," Junmyeon gasps and then he's kissing him again, his tongue tracing along the seam of Jongin's mouth as he eases back into him. Jongin whimpers against Junmyeon's lips. Sex with Junmyeon has always been amazing, but without that barrier of latex between them Jongin can feel every ridge and vein in Junmyeon's cock as it drags along his walls and shit.
Junmyeon pulls out again, just the head of his cock holding Jongin open, before sliding back in to the hilt, his pace languid. "Jongin," Junmyeon sighs into his open mouth "fuck, you feel so good." Jongin slides his hands up Junmyeon's back and into his hair, tilting his head to deepen their kiss and moaning as Junmyeon continues to roll his hips.
They've been in this position so many times before, but it feels so new and different this time, with Junmyeon kissing him with so much fervor, making him feel wanted, loved. Jongin reluctantly pulls away from Junmyeon's kisses to take in some much needed air and he moans, long and low as Junmyeon thrusts into him deeply, hitting his prostate dead-on. "Right there," he rasps, looking up at Junmyeon's face. The look in his eyes has Jongin's skin heating up. He's looking at Jongin so intensely, almost like he's looking through him and Jongin feels a pleasant pressure pushing on his heart. Junmyeon pulls out again, thrusting in with more force and Jongin bites his knuckles to keep from crying out.
"I want to hear you," Junmyeon says as he takes both of Jongin's hands into his own, threading their fingers together above Jongin's head. He's fucking Jongin open with slow rolls of his hips, his belly rubbing Jongin's cock where it's trapped between them and Jongin cranes his neck upward to capture Junmyeon's mouth in a needy kiss. He whines into the older man's mouth, loving the way Junmyeon's cock fills him up so well. He's not used to the slow pace, but he wouldn't trade it for anything, wanting to hold onto this moment for as long as he can. He begins to lift his hips in time with Junmyeon's lazy thrusts, and he clenches around Junmyeon's cock when it presses against his prostate, breaking their kiss to moan Junmyeon's name.
Junmyeon's thumbs rub against Jongin's knuckles and the gesture is so tender that Jongin feels this warmth bubbling up in his chest. Jongin's wanted this for so long and now that it's finally happening he's finding it hard to control his emotions. His heart is pounding and with every drag of Junmyeon's cock inside of him, every slide of their tongues together, Jongin feels himself closer to losing it completely. Junmyeon's thrusting deeper now, kissing him harder and every brush of Junmyeon's cock against his prostate pushes Jongin closer to the edge. "Touch me," Jongin begs, the sound muffled by Junmyeon's kiss-swollen lips.
"No." Junmyeon pulls back, dragging his hand down Jongin's arm that's stretched above his head and resting his palm against Jongin's cheek. "I want you to come like this, Jongin." He sweeps his thumb across Jongin's cheekbone, his mouth falling open in a silent moan as Jongin clenches around him. "Do you think you can do that for me?" Jongin nods weakly, leaning into Junmyeon's hand, warm against his cheek.
"Fuck." Jongin gasps as Junmyeon eases himself nearly all the way out before snapping his hips forward, scooting Jongin up the bed.
"You feel so good, Jongin." He does it again, and Jongin thinks he sees stars. "Too good." Junmyeon slides his fingers into Jongin's hair, gripping tightly as he picks up his pace and Jongin knows it won't be long before he comes. He wraps his legs tighter around Junmyeon's waist, grinding his hips in sync with Junmyeon's. Junmyeon is peppering Jongin's face with kisses, whispering encouragements as he brings Jongin closer and closer to the edge, and it's too much at once. There's a pleasant ache in Jongin's chest and a fiery heat building in his gut and he moans, uninhibited, because fuck it all feels so good. "That's it, baby." Junmyeon whispers, his hair hanging in sweaty clumps over his forehead and his lips slick and swollen and Jongin thinks it's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. He reaches up and cups the back of Junmyeon's neck pulling him closer and pressing their foreheads together. "Come for me," Junmyeon says, his breath hot against Jongin's mouth. It's such a slow build-up, the pressure between his legs building and building before he finally snaps, his back arching and his thighs squeezing around Junmyeon's waist as he shoots thick ropes over their stomachs and chests, his vision going white. Junmyeon keeps fucking into him, grunting and moaning as Jongin squeezes around him and Jongin cries out, trembling as he comes.
As soon as he's able to breathe, Jongin feels the warmth in his chest swelling and growing and god he is so in love with this man. He takes a slow shuddering breath and his vision blurs with tears. He tries to blink them back, but Junmyeon notices, slowing his thrusts and looking at Jongin, concern etched into the furrow of his brow. "Are you, ok, Jongin?" Jongin nods and smiles, pressing his hands to Junmyeon's cheeks. Junmyeon leans down, kissing the corners of Jongin's eyes where the tears threaten to spill and Jongin feels his heart flutter. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No." Jongin says, his voice wavering. "I'm just really happy." He slides his hands down Junmyeon's back and to his ass, pressing down as he grinds against Junmyeon's hips. "Keep going."
Junmyeon's head falls forward and he buries his face in Jongin's shoulder, fucking into him and moaning against his sweaty skin. Jongin can tell he's close by the way his hips falter and the way he moans with every thrust. "Yes, baby," Jongin moans in Junmyeon's ear and Junmyeon slams into him and stills, spilling inside of him with a moan of his name. Jongin clenches around him, loving the feeling of Junmyeon's release inside of him and Junmyeon whimpers, his hips twitching, before he collapses on top of Jongin.
Jongin drags his hands over Junmyeon's back in large, swirly patterns and Junmyeon presses a kiss to Jongin's neck. Jongin's not sure how long they lay like that, his legs still wrapped around Junmyeon's waist, keeping him inside of him, but he doesn't want to move. He just wants to lie like this forever, Junmyeon peppering his collarbone with kisses, and Jongin wrapped around him, keeping him where he wants him, where he's wanted him all along. Junmyeon's hand comes up to rest on Jongin's cheek and Jongin turns to face him, feeling like his heart is too big for his chest when he sees the way Junmyeon is smiling at him so warmly and so blissed out. "Jongin." He whispers, his voice raspy. He presses a lingering kiss to Jongin's mouth before drawing back to look at him. "I love you."
Jongin lets out a choked sort of sob, relief washing over him. He wraps his arms tightly around Junmyeon, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. "Say it again?"
Junmyeon laughs, giving Jongin a grin to match his own. "I love you, Jongin." He kisses Jongin softly, sweetly, brushing his sweaty hair back and stroking his face and Jongin sighs, feeling happier than he can ever remember feeling.
“I love you too.” Jongin tightens his legs around Junmyeon’s waist, despite the ache from keeping them in one position for so long and Junmyeon shifts inside of him, causing them both to gasp. Junmyeon kisses him again and again and Jongin returns them happily. It’s not long before their kisses grow heated and Jongin can feel Junmyeon hardening inside him again, and god that’s kind of hot. He clenches around him experimentally and Junmyeon moans against his mouth, grinding his hips against Jongin’s ass. “Already?” Jongin laughs. It’s gonna be a long night.
- March 28, 2016 -
Jongin wakes up to the smell of coffee and a sore ass. He reaches out beside him, wanting to curl against Junmyeon's warm body, but he finds the bed empty. He blinks his eyes open, smiling when he sees Junmyeon standing in front of his closet. He's wearing nothing but Jongin's sweater and it's too big on him, hanging down to mid-thigh and sliding off one shoulder. He bends to pick something up off the floor and the sweater rides up, giving Jongin a gorgeous view of his bare ass. Jongin peels the blankets off of himself, and climbs out of bed, wincing at the pain in his ass and lower back. It was so worth it, though. He crosses the room and presses himself to Junmyeon's back, wrapping his arms around his small waist. Junmyeon jumps, startled by Jongin's presence but then relaxes against his chest. "Morning." Jongin says, kissing Junmyeon's neck.
"I wanted to clean up before you woke up." Junmyeon pouts, sliding his hands over Jongin's where they rest against Junmyeon's stomach.
"I didn't care last night. I don't care now."
"To be fair," Junmyeon says, turning his head to peck Jongin's lips, "you were a bit distracted last night."
"True," Jongin concedes. The truth is, Junmyeon's apartment is a fucking disaster, but Jongin just can't bring himself to care when he's got the man he loves right here in front of him.
Junmyeon turns in his hold, sliding his hands down over Jongin's ass and squeezing. "How do you take your coffee?"
Jongin wrinkles his nose. "I don't really like coffee."
"Oh." Junmyeon frowns, pushing his bottom lip out and Jongin pinches his nose, making him laugh.
"You're cute." Jongin presses his hands to Junmyeon's cheeks and kisses him sweetly. "If you put a ton of sugar and milk in it I'll drink it."
"Ok." Junmyeon says, giving Jongin another kiss before extracting himself from Jongin's hold. "I'll go fix your coffee and make us some eggs. If you want to use the bathroom it's down the hall to the right." Jongin smacks his ass as he walks away.
He finds his underwear on the floor by the bed and he pulls them on before heading out toward the bathroom. He finds it easily enough, considering it's the only other door in the hallway. He takes his time freshening up, using some mouthwash he finds in the medicine cabinet and relieving his bladder.
When he pads back out toward the kitchen, Junmyeon is setting two plates of scrambled eggs on the coffee table in the living room. "Go ahead and sit down," he says, walking back into the kitchen.
Jongin takes a seat on the sofa taking a moment to look around. He never really took the time to look at his surroundings last night, having been so distracted, as Junmyeon put it. There's books everywhere. On the shelves and the floor; a stack next to the TV. In the corner of the room is a model building, nearly a meter tall. "Did you make that?' Jongin asks when Junmyeon returns with mugs of steaming coffee.
"Yeah." Junmyeon flops down onto the couch next to him, crossing his legs under him. "That was my last project before I had to drop out." He hands Jongin his coffee, that looks like mostly milk and sugar, and Jongin smiles in thanks.
"Sorry." Jongin says, testing his coffee. It's actually not so bad. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."
"Actually," Junmyeon says, grabbing his plate and taking a forkful of eggs. "I kind of wanted to talk to you about that."
"Yeah?"
"Well not that exactly but, yeah. I told you yesterday that I had to figure things out, right?"
Jongin nods, getting to work on his own breakfast.
"I'm really sorry about how I handled things." Jongin tries to tell him it's okay but Junmyeon holds up a finger. "Just let me say this."
"Sorry, go ahead." He sets his plate back on the table, turning to face Junmyeon.
"I think you know, or at least I hope you do, that I've always cared about you. I really tried to keep things strictly business with you but you made it so damn hard." He lets out a wry chuckle, taking Jongin's hand in his own. "I really wanted to be with you, Jongin, I think I started feeling that way about six months into it. You're just so easy to be with, and you made me feel so good about myself. You made me forget things and I just-" He pauses, taking a deep breath, letting it all out at once. "It's hard to feel like that sometimes when you- you know." Jongin doesn't think Junmyeon really wants a response to that, so he just leans down to kiss the backs of his fingers and waits for him to continue. "I didn't want to give you up. I thought I could just keep seeing you and things could just stay they way they were, but I fell too hard for you." Jongin squeezes his hands and smiles. He thinks he knows what that's like. "You remember the night of your birthday?" Jongin nods. How could he ever forget that? "I was only about six months away from being able to pay my way through school again. I was so close to the end. I got scared, Jongin." He scoots toward Jongin, climbing into his lap.
"About what?" Jongin asks, reaching up to stroke his cheek.
"Don't take this the wrong way," he says curling his hand around Jongin's nape. "I thought you'd make me quit."
"I wouldn't-"
"Not like that," Junmyeon clarifies. "Not like you'd ask me to. I can't imagine you liked the thought of me having sex with so many different men." Jongin shakes his head. He's right about that. "I wouldn't have been able to do it knowing it hurt you, so I just walked away. I'm sorry."
"I understand." he says, pressing a soft kiss to Junmyeon's lips.
"I thought about what I told you. To go after what truly makes you happy. I thought for me that was going back to school, but I realized it's you." He gives Jongin a watery smile, tears collecting in the corners of his eyes and Jongin feels tears of his own pricking at the backs of his eyes. "I'll figure something out with school. It'll always be there. But I couldn't put this off." He leans forward, resting his forehead against Jongin's. "I couldn't lose you forever."
Jongin swallows thickly, brushing Junmyeon's tears away with his knuckle. "I'm here." He breathes, and Junmyeon smiles, sniffling. "I'm not going anywhere."
"I missed you so much." Junmyeon whispers, and then he's kissing Jongin. His hands sliding into Jongin's hair and his legs settling around Jongin's waist.
True to his word, Jongin doesn’t go anywhere, not today - which they spend completely and entirely wrapped up in each other to make up for lost time - and he really has no intention of ever going anywhere.
--------epilogue--------
March 27, 2017
Jongin moans as he drags his hand up his cock, squeezing the head. If Junmyeon's train is on time, he's got about 5 minutes before his boyfriend gets home from class. He thinks he may have started a little too early, because he's so close to the edge, but he can't come yet, he's got to be hard for Junmyeon when he walks through the door. He wraps his fingers around the base of his cock, squeezing tight until the urge to come passes. He reaches out beside him and grabs the red satin ribbon, tying it around the base of his erection, doing his best to make an attractive bow.
They'd agreed on no anniversary presents, with money being so tight, but Jongin, being the clever man he is, had thought of the perfect gift. He even bought a set of black silk sheets for the occasion. He still likes to tease Junmyeon about that night, and Junmyeon still flushes deep red. It's cute.
He hears the door open and the familiar thud of Junmyeon's bag hitting the floor. Shit, he's early. Jongin scrambles up the bed, fluffing the pillows and propping himself against them, spreading his legs in what he can only hope is a seductive manner and he gives his dick a few more tugs for good measure.
"Jongin?" Junmyeon calls from the living room.
"In here." He suddenly feels nervous and he can feel a flush creeping into his cheeks. Now he knows how Junmyeon must have felt that night.
The door opens and Jongin forces a wide grin. "Happy anniversary!" He shouts, when his boyfriend steps into the room. Junmyeon stands there for a moment, merely blinking at Jongin, and then he's laughing, his hand coming up to cover his mouth.
"Oh my god, what are you doing?" He throws his head back, laughing heartily.
"Come unwrap your present, baby."
"I can not believe you." Junmyeon says, crossing the room and climbing onto the bed.
"I love you." Jongin cups the back of Junmyeon's head and pulls him in for a kiss.
"I love you, too you big dork." Junmyeon crawls over him, straddling his hips and tugging at the ribbon. "Happy anniversary."