Here ya go.
So I've been writing a book, and ive been working on it a lot lately. Some of you know about it, most of you don't. I decided to show you guys my very first chapter. I would like to 'read' your honest opinions on it. A friend is a better friend to tell me it sucks when it sucks. Enjoy :]
All Cried Out.
No words to express how I feel right now. Looking down, from this uncomfortable bench I see her face lying there, in an oddly shaped coffin. I never thought it could happen this fast. A person’s death, a person who you loved. One you believed in, one you thought would never leave your side, and then one day comes and she’s gone. Out of sight, out of thick air. My mother is gone, and gone for good. Now staring at her pale face, I can’t imagine what its going to be like without her here. I can’t imagine how I’m going to survive. I have my father but as stubborn as he is I know I have no chance living with him. I start to look at everyone in the church with me now. With eyes on my mother and tears pouring down their cheeks, I start to think should I be crying? I don’t though. I don’t see how crying is going to bring her back to life or how crying is going to help me get over this big shock. Crying wont solve anything. I look at my father and with his big blue eyes with tears filling them as well, they look so bright so gorgeous. With his hair combed back, wearing nothing but black, and his white pale skin. My father looked just as dead. I hated seeing it so I stopped staring. But his image is so clear in my mind as if I was still looking at him. I tried to erase it, I tried to erase everything that was going on here and in my mind. I tried thinking it was all some crazy nightmare and I was bound to wake sooner or later. But it wasn’t.
I start thinking about a lot of memories I had with my mother. I remember finding out about her illness but I thought it was a silly joke. I kept bugging her to come play with me, I didn’t know at the time that she was so weak that she could barley help herself. I blame everything on me. She would still be here tucking me in at night, singing me soft to sleep, and waking seeing her face as I open my eyes. Its my fault for her dying as soon as she did. I worn her out, I made her weak!! Not paying attention to anything around me or anyone, I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder.
“Jenna, its time to go home now.”
I look up, and its my father. He puts a fake smile on his face, but I just roll my eyes and get up. Then he asked me,
“Are you alright?”
I look at him with this stunned look on my face. Why on earth would he ask that at a time like this? Doesn’t he know how angry and miserable I am right now? Can’t he see right through me like I can see right through him? Then I answer, so furious,
“Yea dad. I’m happy as ever.”
and push him away and walked out of the church. He chases after me and grabs me by the arm and now I know hes angry. The red in his eyes, the sweat on his face, and how tight hes grabbing me is starting to hurt.
“I don’t need to take crap from you, not now, not ever!”
“Then leave me alone!” I yelled back at him.
Now everyone is looking, staring constantly. Then I suddenly just feel this urge to get out of there. I start walking towards the parking lot and then start to hear my dad following me. I’m running now. It begins to rain but I keep running. With water splashing down hard against my face and my dad yelling, cursing, for me to stop, I just had to be alone. My mind was racing and I felt like I couldn’t breath but still alive, so I stopped. I fell to the ground, and cried.
All Cried Out.
No words to express how I feel right now. Looking down, from this uncomfortable bench I see her face lying there, in an oddly shaped coffin. I never thought it could happen this fast. A person’s death, a person who you loved. One you believed in, one you thought would never leave your side, and then one day comes and she’s gone. Out of sight, out of thick air. My mother is gone, and gone for good. Now staring at her pale face, I can’t imagine what its going to be like without her here. I can’t imagine how I’m going to survive. I have my father but as stubborn as he is I know I have no chance living with him. I start to look at everyone in the church with me now. With eyes on my mother and tears pouring down their cheeks, I start to think should I be crying? I don’t though. I don’t see how crying is going to bring her back to life or how crying is going to help me get over this big shock. Crying wont solve anything. I look at my father and with his big blue eyes with tears filling them as well, they look so bright so gorgeous. With his hair combed back, wearing nothing but black, and his white pale skin. My father looked just as dead. I hated seeing it so I stopped staring. But his image is so clear in my mind as if I was still looking at him. I tried to erase it, I tried to erase everything that was going on here and in my mind. I tried thinking it was all some crazy nightmare and I was bound to wake sooner or later. But it wasn’t.
I start thinking about a lot of memories I had with my mother. I remember finding out about her illness but I thought it was a silly joke. I kept bugging her to come play with me, I didn’t know at the time that she was so weak that she could barley help herself. I blame everything on me. She would still be here tucking me in at night, singing me soft to sleep, and waking seeing her face as I open my eyes. Its my fault for her dying as soon as she did. I worn her out, I made her weak!! Not paying attention to anything around me or anyone, I felt a cold hand touch my shoulder.
“Jenna, its time to go home now.”
I look up, and its my father. He puts a fake smile on his face, but I just roll my eyes and get up. Then he asked me,
“Are you alright?”
I look at him with this stunned look on my face. Why on earth would he ask that at a time like this? Doesn’t he know how angry and miserable I am right now? Can’t he see right through me like I can see right through him? Then I answer, so furious,
“Yea dad. I’m happy as ever.”
and push him away and walked out of the church. He chases after me and grabs me by the arm and now I know hes angry. The red in his eyes, the sweat on his face, and how tight hes grabbing me is starting to hurt.
“I don’t need to take crap from you, not now, not ever!”
“Then leave me alone!” I yelled back at him.
Now everyone is looking, staring constantly. Then I suddenly just feel this urge to get out of there. I start walking towards the parking lot and then start to hear my dad following me. I’m running now. It begins to rain but I keep running. With water splashing down hard against my face and my dad yelling, cursing, for me to stop, I just had to be alone. My mind was racing and I felt like I couldn’t breath but still alive, so I stopped. I fell to the ground, and cried.