the politics of inclusion

Sep 29, 2005 12:56

(from my tribe blog)

a while back, barbara fried and wrybread began hosting sushi and karaoke parties at the R. for 10$ a head, you got all the fish you could stomach and bleeding eardrums. it was a smashing success. i was told by a good friend that i really needed to rotate my invite list so that people wouldn't feel excluded. unfortunately, this wasn't a feasible option as i could only invite 3-4 people to each party. it would take months to cycle through everyone! afterall, there was a limited nubmer of people we could invite-- first of all, up to 6 housemates were hosting the party. thats a lot of invites, and feasibly we couldn't do sushi for more than 40 people. i invited people based on their love of sushi, and who i was eager and/or overdue to spend time with. we quit doing sushi at the R, for a number of reasons, and the issue died off.

then my birthday party rolled around. basically, i invited everyone i know reasonably well, though i didn't post it to any lists. it ended up being quite a large party. i sent out just over 130 paper invitations, provided booze, the space, and a theme. that was all it took for a great masquerade ball. after the party, someone left an anonymous comment on my blog that they were offended they weren't invited. i was upset by this, and curious as to who the person was and why they didn't tell me who they were. what if it was someone i meant to invite, but they didn't get one due to an oversight?

more recently, a makeshift crew of fuck-offs formed around the spock mountain burning man camp. clara holiday, frank jones, marc, mishka, kiko, liquor pig, xabo, and myself. this shifting of my immediate crew has resulted in some uncomfortableness on the part of some of my other friends.

kiko had a dinner party last saturday night, called kikompression. it was a bunch of borg2/odeon types, about 20 people. it was not my event-- i had absolutely no control over the invite list other than forwarding the invite to a couple girls whose email address he didn't have -- and again i am getting some flack from folks who feel excluded. mind you, he was serving four kinds of meat, wine like it was water, and dessert for 20. this was a large production and he spent a lot of time preparing. it just wasn't feasible to open a meal like that up to more than 20 people (and he has a small apartment!)

anyway, i have been reflecting on inclusion and exclusion lately and this is what i want to say to folks. just because you are not included does not mean that you are "excluded". it doesn't mean you weren't wanted, are disliked, or anything....unless *you* decide to make it mean that. if you want into a certain group of people or event, you should by all means create that event! and invite who you want to see! i encourage you to do so. i love all of my friends, and am quite fond of many of my acquaintances, and i wish every apartment, dinner, party, and carpool were big enough for all of you. i really do. but in the meantime, i am going to do the best i can with the limited resources i have. and believe you me, my resources of late are....limited.... :)

does that make anyone feel any better? do you think i'm full of it? talk to me people.
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