(no subject)
catching all your ghosts
pete/ryan
PG
~700 words
Pete flies out to Vegas just to hear Panic play, but somewhere along the way it becomes all about Ryan Ross: Ryan who is just too young and just too thin and just a little broken, just a little too tempting and halfway to in love with the Pete Wentz he's built up in his head.
No, Pete thinks. He thinks it often and he thinks it firm, capitalised and bold in his mind: NO, and he sticks to it. If anyone knew, they'd probably assume that's why he signs them, but in all stark, serious honesty, he signs them because they're good. No other reasons involved. It would be a lot easier for him if they weren't, if he couldn't, but.
That's not too surprising, because when is anything ever easy, anyway?
*
Pete watches Panic grow with pride, and watches Ryan grow with something similar. It's still strange, that he's helped them do so well so fast; stranger, that he can help Ryan at all. But he sees something of himself in him, knows the paths he should help him steer clear of, at least vaguely. Knows where he should at least try.
He sees a lot of himself in Ryan, sometimes, and when it gets too much he tips Spencer off, or Brendon, Jon, and it's worrying and compelling and fascinating all at once.
Dangerous.
*
Ryan kisses like it's everything, like it's everything he has and he has to give it all.
Pete learns this between Thanksgiving at his and sleepover princes; playing shows together and losing the ability to listen to whatever ounce of common sense he ever had.
*
He gets a speech from Patrick and a speech from Spencer and wonders if they compared notes beforehand, because each boils down to the same question: what the fuck do you both think you're doing?
Pete lies in bed with Ryan by his side and lets his fingers tiptoe up his arm, skate over his skin, climb over his ribs, counting in his head and thinking: this is more interesting than sheep, more soothing. Wondering: exactly the same as Patrick and Spencer. Knowing: it won't end well, because they're too fucking similar.
*
"I could listen to you talk for hours," Pete says one day. He's too honest, too open.
Ryan just says, "Sure," in response, flatly, with an amused quirk of his mouth. He understands too well, too readily, and gets what's left unsaid as well; the hypothetical could, the realistic but I can't.
*
Pete fights. Ryan bottles things up, stores them, keeps his cards close to his chest and never changes his hand, while Pete throws everything he has down on the table.
Pete acts younger than he is, never wanting to grow up, grow old. Ryan acts older. Too wise, with too much inside him for his own years.
Ryan meets Keltie and falls slow and gentle but almost instantly.
Pete doesn't.
*
The worst part is that Pete wishes he could resent them, but can't. He still cares about Ryan, probably too much, but it just means that he's pleased for them. He's happy he can be so happy, that the smile Pete used to see so rarely, only marginally more when they were together, emerges so often now, becomes regular. He likes this Ryan more, almost; he reminds him less of himself, as though he managed to steer him right even if that direction was away.
It's like Ryan is unfurling, really growing into himself now. And they're still friends, too, and sometimes it hurts, but the other option, to have Ryan just fade into another ex, another song for another album, would be infinitely worse. Pete's too selfish for it, to let Ryan go completely.
So Pete moves on because he has no choice, because he doesn't let himself not. There are failures and fuck ups along the way, and he texts Ryan about them sometimes, sharing, giving back, and Ryan always responds.
Ryan likes Ashlee, Pete suspects, in the same way Pete likes Keltie. For the same reasons.
*
Between Thanksgiving and sleepover princes and shows together and ignoring common sense and falling in love--
(no)
On some level, somewhere, it will always be at least a little about Ryan Ross.
pete/ryan
PG
~700 words
Pete flies out to Vegas just to hear Panic play, but somewhere along the way it becomes all about Ryan Ross: Ryan who is just too young and just too thin and just a little broken, just a little too tempting and halfway to in love with the Pete Wentz he's built up in his head.
No, Pete thinks. He thinks it often and he thinks it firm, capitalised and bold in his mind: NO, and he sticks to it. If anyone knew, they'd probably assume that's why he signs them, but in all stark, serious honesty, he signs them because they're good. No other reasons involved. It would be a lot easier for him if they weren't, if he couldn't, but.
That's not too surprising, because when is anything ever easy, anyway?
*
Pete watches Panic grow with pride, and watches Ryan grow with something similar. It's still strange, that he's helped them do so well so fast; stranger, that he can help Ryan at all. But he sees something of himself in him, knows the paths he should help him steer clear of, at least vaguely. Knows where he should at least try.
He sees a lot of himself in Ryan, sometimes, and when it gets too much he tips Spencer off, or Brendon, Jon, and it's worrying and compelling and fascinating all at once.
Dangerous.
*
Ryan kisses like it's everything, like it's everything he has and he has to give it all.
Pete learns this between Thanksgiving at his and sleepover princes; playing shows together and losing the ability to listen to whatever ounce of common sense he ever had.
*
He gets a speech from Patrick and a speech from Spencer and wonders if they compared notes beforehand, because each boils down to the same question: what the fuck do you both think you're doing?
Pete lies in bed with Ryan by his side and lets his fingers tiptoe up his arm, skate over his skin, climb over his ribs, counting in his head and thinking: this is more interesting than sheep, more soothing. Wondering: exactly the same as Patrick and Spencer. Knowing: it won't end well, because they're too fucking similar.
*
"I could listen to you talk for hours," Pete says one day. He's too honest, too open.
Ryan just says, "Sure," in response, flatly, with an amused quirk of his mouth. He understands too well, too readily, and gets what's left unsaid as well; the hypothetical could, the realistic but I can't.
*
Pete fights. Ryan bottles things up, stores them, keeps his cards close to his chest and never changes his hand, while Pete throws everything he has down on the table.
Pete acts younger than he is, never wanting to grow up, grow old. Ryan acts older. Too wise, with too much inside him for his own years.
Ryan meets Keltie and falls slow and gentle but almost instantly.
Pete doesn't.
*
The worst part is that Pete wishes he could resent them, but can't. He still cares about Ryan, probably too much, but it just means that he's pleased for them. He's happy he can be so happy, that the smile Pete used to see so rarely, only marginally more when they were together, emerges so often now, becomes regular. He likes this Ryan more, almost; he reminds him less of himself, as though he managed to steer him right even if that direction was away.
It's like Ryan is unfurling, really growing into himself now. And they're still friends, too, and sometimes it hurts, but the other option, to have Ryan just fade into another ex, another song for another album, would be infinitely worse. Pete's too selfish for it, to let Ryan go completely.
So Pete moves on because he has no choice, because he doesn't let himself not. There are failures and fuck ups along the way, and he texts Ryan about them sometimes, sharing, giving back, and Ryan always responds.
Ryan likes Ashlee, Pete suspects, in the same way Pete likes Keltie. For the same reasons.
*
Between Thanksgiving and sleepover princes and shows together and ignoring common sense and falling in love--
(no)
On some level, somewhere, it will always be at least a little about Ryan Ross.