good morning heartache, your like an old friend...
well its been a while , i really long while . a lot has changed in my life. wheres hould i start ???
1. i dropped out of highschool, which in my opinion was and is the best thing anyone can do since highschool isa fucking joke.
2. i decided to go into the air national guard. i wont lie i am terrified frightened. i hear all the stories about what happens at home when you are gone and the longer you are gone the more intense the shit at home happens. which is bad because no joke i dont know how i can cope with anymore change right now or ever i dont think.
im not good with change of any type or sort. they say you come back and everythings different, friendships, relationships, everything. i hope none of my relationships with anyone change.
especially with zack gert, sierra, or kevin. but i wish zack would go in with me you know. he is a real good person (to me) and he would be a big help and shit. i know and understand why he didnt go , its not for everyone . its not even for me i just wanna make my mom and dennis proud and i just want a good future with the women that i love so much i would die for her, lose a leg, be poor for her, fight for her, i would kill for her, i might even go as far as to say i would figth my own mom for her. if she wanted me to do anything i would do it.
but as of late i have come to hate the website myspace.com so fucking much every ounce of me hates that fucking website. if i could i would assassinate tom for making a horrible invention.
i solemnly swear to never have a myspace ever ever again. i would pay ten thousand dollars to make sure myspace died.
but for serious i have been going through these humungous emotional changes the past 3 months i am a rollercoaster and the only thing that can make me happy again is to tell at least one person about it . it doesnt matter who . as long as one person reads my livejournal or i write it down on paper i can be happy and smile.
i dont know what happened but i am insecure now, softer, more fragile in my emotions than i ever have been in my whole entire life. sometimes its good but lately it gets the best of me .
you know, i think i just need to go with it maybe ? or maybe i should start taking back whats mine start causing hell again , destroying things and fucking shit up to get my anger and sadness out. but the only thing wrong with that is my whole future rest on it .i basically have 2 paths to choose from.
1. i dropped out of highschool, which in my opinion was and is the best thing anyone can do since highschool isa fucking joke.
2. i decided to go into the air national guard. i wont lie i am terrified frightened. i hear all the stories about what happens at home when you are gone and the longer you are gone the more intense the shit at home happens. which is bad because no joke i dont know how i can cope with anymore change right now or ever i dont think.
im not good with change of any type or sort. they say you come back and everythings different, friendships, relationships, everything. i hope none of my relationships with anyone change.
especially with zack gert, sierra, or kevin. but i wish zack would go in with me you know. he is a real good person (to me) and he would be a big help and shit. i know and understand why he didnt go , its not for everyone . its not even for me i just wanna make my mom and dennis proud and i just want a good future with the women that i love so much i would die for her, lose a leg, be poor for her, fight for her, i would kill for her, i might even go as far as to say i would figth my own mom for her. if she wanted me to do anything i would do it.
but as of late i have come to hate the website myspace.com so fucking much every ounce of me hates that fucking website. if i could i would assassinate tom for making a horrible invention.
i solemnly swear to never have a myspace ever ever again. i would pay ten thousand dollars to make sure myspace died.
but for serious i have been going through these humungous emotional changes the past 3 months i am a rollercoaster and the only thing that can make me happy again is to tell at least one person about it . it doesnt matter who . as long as one person reads my livejournal or i write it down on paper i can be happy and smile.
i dont know what happened but i am insecure now, softer, more fragile in my emotions than i ever have been in my whole entire life. sometimes its good but lately it gets the best of me .
you know, i think i just need to go with it maybe ? or maybe i should start taking back whats mine start causing hell again , destroying things and fucking shit up to get my anger and sadness out. but the only thing wrong with that is my whole future rest on it .i basically have 2 paths to choose from.