I can't see the silver lining
I have finally realized I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). I knew I always get super happy in spring and summer and that in the winter I get depressed, but it's always pretty bad. This whole past week I have been in a slump and it's also been rapidly transitioning into fall. My mood has gone from ecstatic to lethargic and cynical. I feel like my relationships are all going downhill due to me. I don't wanna talk to anybody. I don't wanna go outside. I wanna smoke cigarettes and drink and think about everything I wish I could change. It sucks. This last summer I was the biggest ball of sunshine ever. Why did I burn out?
I heard that people born in the winter and fall have a better chance of having this problem. And then I thought about it and realized I actually do. It happens every year without fail, and usually under my radar. It's nice to have a perspective of why I'm feeling this way but I also don't know how to change it. What's worse is that when I feel like this I build myself up to it. I almost embrace it when I really wish I was happy. Well, I hope I don't lose any more friends like I've done the last few years this time of year. Living alone will help that. I lost the two best friends I was living with at the time, in both separate occasions.
I always seem to break up with my interests/boyfriend in fall or winter as well. I almost feel like I need medication...
Or a therapist.
I heard that people born in the winter and fall have a better chance of having this problem. And then I thought about it and realized I actually do. It happens every year without fail, and usually under my radar. It's nice to have a perspective of why I'm feeling this way but I also don't know how to change it. What's worse is that when I feel like this I build myself up to it. I almost embrace it when I really wish I was happy. Well, I hope I don't lose any more friends like I've done the last few years this time of year. Living alone will help that. I lost the two best friends I was living with at the time, in both separate occasions.
I always seem to break up with my interests/boyfriend in fall or winter as well. I almost feel like I need medication...
Or a therapist.